Dead Money = Sir AlCantHang

2010 WPBT: Good Food Good God

2010-12-21T18:24:00.001-05:00

Philly 'burbs
December 2010

It's not uncommon for me to wake up on my hotel room floor in Vegas. First nights and last nights get me on a regular basis plus a few times during the WSOP I would go off the rails on occasion. Day 2 starting off that way seemed normal.

Even so I didn't feel too bad when I finally opened my eyes. It was just a matter of climbing onto the bed, make sure all my pieces were where they should be, and naturally check Twitter to see if I made a fool of myself. Twitter is a blessing and a curse. What I did find on Twitter was something from Joanada, it seems someone died that night out by the jacuzzi.

Could it be possible we finally killed someone on these trips?

I chanced the blazing Vegas sun to peak out of window and sure enough there was police tape help up by various plastic lawn furniture and traffic cones. Luckily our entire crew was accounted but some poor dude's last moments on this earth were tragically spent at the Imperial Palace. If I go out that way can someone please drag my corpse somewhere like the Rhino or Aria?

It was a wasted "non-hangover" day since there was nothing on my agenda except the Geisha bar and friends. Whatever booze left in my system was washed out by bottles of water and blessed pound cake (professional pre-stocked hotel room) and I was ready to hit the Venetian/Palazzo for football and setting up Lagasse's. That portion of my day consisted of walking over with CK and Snuffy, running into the G-Vegas degens, getting lost in the Palazzo, and calling bullshit on the packed sportsbook.

Back to my comfort zone, Geisha bar.

I would just butcher so many names or leave them out if I went for the list, but there were a shit ton of bloggers getting looped around the bar. The rest were equally dispersed between the craps and pai gow tables. The Blogfather was holding court, Falstaff once again drinking from his private beer pitcher (no cup required), I was knocking back shots and everyone was complaining about the technological black hole that is the IP.

It was the Garthmeister who came to the rescue with a good reason to stay sober-ish. There was a spot to join a crew for dinner at Picasso's in the Bellagio. I snap called.

I am a life nit. I will find the cheapest flights, hotel rooms, deals, specials, anything. Except for booze and food. For those two I will mortgage the house without blinking. Naturally I was up for a fantastic meal with friends. Luckily this is Vegas and they won't care my entire wardrobe consists of jeans and t-shirts, cash plays.

Garth, Saunter, Gracie, SSPablo, OhCaptain, Katitude, and Drizzle were a witness to the crimes committed in the name of fine dining. Five course Chef Degustation is basically a meal consisting of whatever the hell they decide to send your way and you kick back and enjoy.

Potato and Leek Soup

Maine Lobster Salad with Apple-Champagne Vinaigrette

Pan Seared Boat Scallops with Potato Mousseline and Jus de Veau

Sautéed Steak of Foie Gras

Roasted Lamb Chops with Zucchini Farci and Bordelaise Mustard Sauce

Warm Chocolate Fondant with Almond Mocha Ice Cream, Amaretto Caramel

Every dish was one more step along the path until we sat back with those silly "fat and happy" grins. The most intense was the "Steak" of Foie Gras. I love me some sauteed fatty goose liver but god damn, this was a STEAK. Biggest piece anyone has put in front of me and I'm just a little ashamed I did not finish it.

Ending Day 2 with great friends and great food was a fine way to go out. I tried to drink after dinner but was just too damned full to have any effect. I chose my "one big meal" over booze and it was an easy decision.

~

Funny moment of dinner was running into Antonio Esfandiari in Picasso's celebrating his victory the night before in the WPT Five Diamond event. His table was loud and packed, our table was loud and packed, but in the end we won the night as the last table standing.

Also, below you can see the view we had from the restaurant (taken with crappy iPhone). It was a little distracting with water cannons exploding every 30 minutes but we put up with it just fine. We know how to sacrifice with the rest of them.

WPBT 2010: National Irresponsibility Day

2010-12-15T19:36:00.000-05:00

Philly 'burbs
December 2010

It looks like everyone has returned from blogger hijinks in Las Vegas all in one piece. I know I feel a whole lot better returning from this trip then normal. It usually takes a few days hunkered under the blankets before I can pull my head of my ass and resume life in the real world. But I set some weird drunk record by only waking up on my floor once during the trip and then making an appearance in the morning AFTER sleeping instead of still being awake.

Wednesday was going to be my easy day. No responsibilities other than getting silly, catching up with friends, and perhaps drown in a bottle of Soco. I didn't have anywhere to be until sometime late Thursday night living a big window open for a possible alcohol induced coma. Day 1's are always rough on my system.

The flight out was uneventful, check it went smoothly, and I found the Joanada/Buddy Dank contingent sitting at the Geisha bar as my welcome. My next step was stock the shitty IP hotel room for future good health. I loaded up the place with bottles of water and food-ish items for bounce back assistance. There would be no rehash of the Burger Palace hangover stumble or gag inducing room service pizza.

Things kicked off just like every other drunken mess, Geisha Bar and shots. CaityCaity and BWOP joined us at the Geisha Bar where somehow I got it in my head they were loving the cheap shots of Gentleman Jack. Turned out to be a bad read but not before I pumped 3 or 4 shots down some guts setting the foundation for later.

It seemed like a great idea to walk over to the Bellagio where they were taping the final table of the Five Diamond Classic with Bob (aka @scsuhockey10). There was a big line to get into the room but thank god the Fontana Lounge was right there for drinking entertainment. It seemed like every time we grabbed a shot, another person we knew walked by. Before long my head was swimming and we were chastised by the film crew for yelling during hands, who knew it was just a thin curtain between us and the action.

CaityCaity, BWOP, and PokerVixen set up a nice, goofy 3/6 mix game at the IP while we were busy getting ourselves in trouble. We thought it best to stagger back in that direction to spend money on buyins instead of bail.

/insert fuzzy head

I don't remember much about the game other than I was winning games I'd never played and losing games (and badly misreading my hands) in those I've played before. Two days later my neck was inexplicably sore until I remember getting a massage at the table that night/morning. If I didn't fall asleep, I'm surprised. I finished pretty much even for the session before one last drink(s) with PokerVixen at the bar.

A few hours later and I said good morning to my hotel room floor.

Nasty Imperial Palace poker chips

WPBT Additions

2010-12-03T14:10:00.011-05:00

The WPBT drink-fest/poker tournament is just a few days in the future and I decided to add a little to the mix. Not to be left behind by PokerStars, I went to my Full Tilt Poker overlords and pulled some resources. We kicked around some ideas and here's what we came up with.

Full Tilt is kicking in another $1,000 to the WPBT tournament prizepool at Aria on Saturday. It will be distributed with $100 save for the bubble boy/girl, $300 for first, $200 for second, $175 for third, $125 for fourth, $100 for fifth.

Full Tilt is also adding five $100 bounties on random players which will be announced before the tournament. I'm working on a few "blogger friendly" FTP pros to pop in so you can knock them out. Both the added prizepool and bounties will be transferred to your Full Tilt account (as per the casino rules, not mine)

The big ticket item doesn't come until Sunday, football day. I have reserved the big room at Lagasse's Stadium in The Palazzo. Full Tilt is putting up $2,000 for the food tab throughout the day, that is a lot of tasty Emeril food to go around.

April has all the details of the WPBT tournament.
Facebook event page to RSVP for the tournament.
Up for Poker has the complete list of added on prize money.

~

For those who will question, Full Tilt is not paying for any part of the booze tab. I did not want them responsible for anyone over-indulging (that would be me) plus not everyone drinks. This gives everyone a piece of the action. Eat up.

That also means we will have a separate check for the booze, everyone drinking is on the hook to pay their part. Last year quite a few people pulled the old drink and dash leaving behind a big tab. I'll leave it up to your imagination what will happen if you ditch on my tab this year.

~

While I'm busy doing announcements, we've also set up a poker training session before the WPBT tournament. I realize every poker blogger in the world is already the best on the planet but who couldn't use a refresher?

Alex Outhred from Deepstack University, friend of bloggers and drunks, has offered a drastically discounted rate for a little two hour session. The cost is $25 and runs at Aria from 10am until noon (start of the WPBT tournament). $10 from each will go back into the prizepool in the form of bounties on players.

The session caps at 18 players so let me or April know if you are interested.

Dive Bar Fail

2010-12-01T15:52:00.005-05:00

Philly 'burbs
November 2010

Last night I decided to do everyone a favor and get myself happy at the same time. I walked up to the dive bar, bringing along my new Flip cam to take a short video of the place to show what I was speaking of yesterday. We could all decide whether my description was accurate or I was full of crap.

Then I had my first huge shot and the next thing I know the bartender was dropping me off at the house 3 o'clock this morning with a prestine, and video free, camcorder.

I did manage to meet a girl there who was way out of her element. She wasn't fall down drunk, twitchy from various drugs, or spewing filth from her mouth. Some would say the only downside to this 23 year old girl was her taste in music, she asked me to put some Foghat and .38 Special on the jukebox. I complied and still ended up with a ride home from the staff. It's in their best interest that I don't die on the way home.

~

During my "hiatus" you may have noticed Dr. Pauly released Lost Vegas upon the world. I'd love to do a proper review but I'm not exactly an objective writer. Somehow I manage to find my way into a few spots throughout the novel without seeming to be a complete wacko. I'm still waiting on someone (ahem Julius Goat) to finish up a proper review for me to post on the Tilt blog but the few readers I have left already own it. Here are some of the early reviews.

I personally enjoyed it, brought back some old memories and highlighted some stories I hadn't heard before. You can pick it up here a Lulu or at Amazon.com (both print and Kindle versions). Click on the link above for your options.

I was excited to see Dr. Pauly is also doing a rewrite on his first novel Jack Tripper Stole My Dog. I'm lucky enough to have an early manuscript and it is easily my favorite story. I can't wait.

~

Random crappy iPhone pictures

You can tell by the attention, I was cooking bacon

Some tailgating supplies for an August Phillies game
Unable to prop bet anyone into eating all the cheesy puffs

Two great tastes that taste great together
Bonus points if you can name the bar

Catching Up

2010-11-30T16:19:00.004-05:00

Philly 'burbs
November 2010

So what the holy hell have I been doing with myself over the twelve months since I barely posted during 2010 with the exception of getting reamed for BBT5 by friends and enemies. I honestly spent a good part of that time getting nice and drunk without apology.

I found myself a little dive bar which fulfills most of my desires, my version of the FDA requirements to call itself a "dive bar".

Starts off with the tobacco cloud filled tiny room thanks to a Pennsylvania loophole which allows certain bars to allow smoking. There is one tiny pool table with the expected rips in the felt and the usual arguments between players, players/drunks, players/drunks/players/bouncers, etc. They have a series of beer coolers across the back wall containing various beers, coolers, and malted liquors available for takeout. I understand their selection of 40 ouncers is top of the class. 1970's style linoleum lining the slightly off plumb bar top, drunk old guys sleeping face down, a bathroom that is literally a hole in the wall.

None of those are necessarily negatives, just a little color in a world gone bland. Throw in cheap shots of booze plus women of questionable morals and you've got yourself a recipe for a fine home bar. It's also walking distance giving me no excuse to slow down. We plow right through last call after I was granted "favored patron" status. You would think it was an after-hours bar with the number of times I've stumbled down the middle of the road during sunrise.

Throwin' the drunken goat

It's good to have a home bar even if it's for just a short amount of time.

Another quick story/brag. The bar used to be covered in that 70's linoleum and only had a two tap system with Yuengling and Bud. It turns out I spent enough money there during the spring they did a little upgrade while I was in Vegas for the summer. I came back and the owner proudly showed me the upgraded bar top and new 6 tap system so they could expand to such premium brands as Miller Lite, Bud Light, and Coors Lite. I'm so proud.

~

What did I miss around the blogging world while I was ratholing stories and shielding my eyes from others? Not very much it seems. It was nearly impossible to pour through thousands of hand history posts and the worst I could find was some insignificant gruff about Doc Chako enjoying his well earned success. Chuckleheads and Douche Canoes abound. I've got a Porsche in my future if I'd just get over this addiction to booze and travel.

My most recent accomplishment was probably why I'll find it so easy to just jump back in here. For the first time I gave NaNoWriMo a shot and managed to finish a few days early. 50,000 words during the month of November, with a week spent working in Las Vegas, was pretty damned tough. I have an all new respect for guys like Dr. Pauly, Otis, Falstaff, etc who do this on a regular basis.

Turns out I could find all those words just talking about my old days of banging around the bars before I started putting them here. My formative days ya might say. I doubt anyone would give a flying fuck enough to read a bit of it but the he process was cathartic (big fancy writer's word right there) and it felt good to get through it all.

So no, you can't read it although I may pull out some of the better stories to put on here.

Holy Crap!

2010-11-29T20:23:00.003-05:00

Philly 'burbs
November 2010

It's been a long time since I've thrown anything down in this space. If it wasn't for the occasional reminder from my hosting company about bills coming due it might completely slip my mind. I would love to say I miss this blackhole of drunken desperation but don't know if I can. I spent a lot of time putting my thoughts down in print, those things I could remember, for a few people to read along.

But I've enjoyed the reprieve from the desire to share. I throw my liver in a wagon, drag it off to the local dive bar and let it have it's fun. Sure I spew a few golden idiotic quotes out in the twitter world but the vast majority of the craziness is safely confined in my ever slowing brain. I have the ol' Full Tilt blog to keep me busy during the "work day" but there is little creativity involved and not nearly as much degeneracy as you would expect from a professional poker blog.

You'd think spending another summer in Las Vegas would provide a shit ton of stories to spew further upon the world but for the most part it was just taking care of business. Doesn't mean there were more than a few occasions when I found myself waking up on the Gold Coast hotel room floor surrounded by piles of room service trays or a camera full of images requiring instant deletion. There were plenty of nights which ended with me passed out for a few days, but I'm keeping those to myself.

For now.

Things have been uneventful since returning to the east as I prepare for a 2011 which promises to kick my ass. I've squirreled away a few dollars here and there, been relatively responsible with my drinking (which means I'm going to cheap bars, not drinking less) and I'm ready to hit the road with the new year. Plans are already set in motion to take me everywhere from the east coast to Texas to Minnesota to California and even a little hop across the Pacific to Hawaii. No particular order so far but I'm packing up the laptop, camera, and even a brand new Flip cam for some video.

I'm going to fit some "work" into the trip as well, figured I might as well throw some poker in as a common theme and visit as many casinos, home games, back room session that I can fit into the schedule to provide a little content for my Tilty overlords. Just give me a passable internet connection, bottle of booze and pack of smokes then I'm good to go.

Before that of course is the little blogger gathering which is going down in just over a week. After flip flopping several times I decided to head back to the desert to drink with my degenerate friends. Not the easiest decision after spending the summer (and a week in November) but there are enough reasons to make it happen. See y'all at the geisha bar.

I miss checking in for some of the crazy inter-blogger silliness. Flame wars, hurt feelings, and other silly things. It's been so long since I've read a poker blog that I didn't even realize bloglines.com went belly up, I managed to copy my blogroll over to Google and it stopped counting at 1000+ unread posts. I'm trying to catch up so you'll have to be patient. It's fun to run across posts from last spring ripping me for the BBT Challenge, good times.

So time to fire the old drunken story telling machine back up and see what she has left in the tank. Here are a few pictures from the last six months.

Decided to go fishing with Eva and the new hubby, no tuna on the line but I did manage to pull in a nice mahi mahi

We had a hitchhiker later in the day as this wee lil bird hopped on the boat and took a liking to everyone on the boat except me (I told him he probably tasted like chicken)

Sunrise 90 miles out in the Atlantic Ocean

Sunset on the way back into to Belmar, NJ

September brought a nice week long vacation on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, this was the final dinner sitting beach/ocean side

That trip also introduced me to the "John Daly" which is sweet tea vodka and lemonade
The picture on the right is my "shot" for the Drunk Olympics

This is what we found each morning, it was a good week
There was also an evening that involved a bikini contest

In October I had a nice double header, Eagles game in the afternoon and Phillies playoff game that evening

2010 WSOP: Beer Pong Warmup or New Home?

2010-05-31T00:23:00.004-05:00

Las Vegas, NV
May, 2010

I have one major problem with spending so much time in Las Vegas. It's very tough for me to find a bar that fits me, somewhere which feels like a damn bar should. Everything thing here is either in the middle of the casino, a god forsaken dance club, or a sportsbook. Even going to catch a Steel Panther shows feels more "clubby" then a proper rock show. There are still a few hidden gems, including the one bar in Vegas that a lot of us have claimed as our own and is still mostly secreted away from the creetins.

Wednesday I found a place that felt like home.

A few weeks before heading out west I was approached about participating in the Doyle Brunson Beer Pong Invitational to be held a few days before the WSOP kicked off. I'm always up for a little craziness so I immediately threw my name in the pool and looked forward to a little boozy release before the grind. Nevermind I hadn't thrown a ping pong ball at a plastic cup in a decade, booze and friends were a worthy draw.

The tournament was schedule to kickoff sometime after 2pm at Hogs and Heifers downtown. Never one to delay the inevitable, I grabbed a cab and was the first person to enter the bar. Cute bartenders barely dressed in tiny leather bikini tops, beat up bar, HUGE surly bartenders, classic rock. Workable first impressions. My first drink was a Bass instead of jumping straight into the hard stuff since there was no way to know how decent my head would need to be.

Lesson learned from being fucking ripped out of my mind at the blogger tournament in December.

I enlisted Matt "All In At 420" Stout as my partner thinking he likely had more recent experience at the game and had the tolerance beyond most. We drew Hoyt Corkins and Steve "gboro780" Gross in our first match right in the middle of the room. We quickly fell behind 6-1 in cups with them hitting the final cup but Stout saved us with the rebuttal. From there we battled back to get heads up cup-for-cup. We were the team of destiny! That's what we kept telling ourselves. We kept repeating it after we lost and were chugging shots at the bar while the Corkins team moved on.

But now the real fun kicked in. The bar owner, Michelle Dell, was standing on the bar yelling out the action over a bullhorn while we were shooting our match. She seemed to take great join in my CantHang nickname and called it out often. Remember the "Lil" character who owned the bar in Coyote Ugly? That was her, except louder. And cooler. I was already doing shots with the bartender before my match (Jameson, go figure that one) but it was time to get friendly with a bar owner.

I haven't a clue what hell-mouth kind of booze she was knocking back but it looked a combination between whiskey and moonshine. Shot, shot, carbomb, beer, shot, etc. All this was going on during the tournament and the CantHang yell would be heard from atop the bar. My call to pony up for more liquid torture.

Have a great conversation with some poker friends, time for shots. Meet some new people, time for shots. Random hot girls walk into the bar, time for shots. The theme was repeated constantly until I realized two things.

One, I was completely broke.

Two, the bar was empty of every "poker" person.

It was just me, the bartenders, big burly bouncers and the regular Wednesday crew in downtown Las Vegas. Neither situation was terrible, it was just a matter of hitting up the Bank of CantHang then continuing the destruction. The second crew of bartenders took their spots while the first shift pulled up a barstool on the drinking side. Stories were passed around as much as the glasses, there might have been some dancing, there was certainly a lot of fun.

When the fuzzy alarm went off in my head I decided it was time to hoof my wasted ass back to the hotel. Problem was finding a cab on this little street and actually having enough money to get back to the strip. I was pointed towards Binion's with a laugh where I found someone willing to take my last few dollars bills to get me home. I amazingly ended up back at my hotel without getting rolled or buried in the desert because I passed out the second he pulled away from the cab.

The next morning I found a note in my pocket. "Come back anytime CantHang, Michelle".

I found my new drinking home. Watch out.

~

Some horrible iPhone pictures from the night

Shots were all over the place

A little dancing on the bar

Cute bartender through the five-hole of the bar owner

TUBE SOCKS! Wish the picture was better

2010 WSOP: Getting Ready

2010-05-25T17:38:00.003-05:00

Las Vegas, NV
May 2010

Greetings from the Gold Coast Casino in the desert of Vegas. It's not elegant or spectacular or noteworthy other than a place to distract me from the Rio. It also holds two of my favorite late night Asian eateries and a place which will make me a milkshake exactly when and how I want it. Plus the best Pai Gow action in town. I'm not a hard man to please.

I'll spend the next two months splitting my time between here, the Rio Convention Center, and just about any place which serves a decent shot of booze. If I'm given the chance to prop bet on ridiculous things, that's just a bonus. It's pretty cool sitting here with a few days still sitting between myself and the start of the WSOP. That feeling will quickly change sometime around Saturday when we have the first $1,000 running of the lemurs.

This will be just my second full WSOP I'll be here but I have a good idea of what to expect. It will feel weird with MeanGene as one of my drinking partners this year especially with those Philadelphia Flyers making the NHL Stanley Cup Finals. Last year I watched him just about jump out of skin throughout Penguins run. We do have Spaceman making coming out for the summer so I hope he packed his drinking shoes for those "dinner breaks" with CaliJen and the Miller.

I only have a few days scheduled off between now and the end of July but they should be fun. The US/England World Cup match will find quite a few of us camped out at a sportsbook on June 12th, I plan to invade the Binion's LO8 tournament with CK (and whoever else) to blast away at the drunk-tards, I'll have to take a day off when BigMike and crew make an appearance later in the summer. The rest of the time will be spent sitting on media row or walking the tournament room. It's the glamorous life. There will also be a few WSOP related parties that I'll be attending for purely work-related stories.

CK has been keeping a tab on when various bloggers are coming in town for different events. You should check it out and let her know. I will certainly try to make a little time when I can but you'll understand that work comes first. Feel free to flag me down, yell at me, buy some shots.

The majority of my poker content will be posted up on Poker From the Rail and I plan to write as much as possible the other interesting things which occur but don't necessarily meet the professional constraints of The Man. The camera is charged for a combination of stills and videos, the recorder is ready for those silly conversations which pop up at various bars. Overall I'm pretty well set up mentally, emotionally, physically ready to make my way through the insanity of the WSOP.

We start off the festivies on Wednesday where I somehow made the field in the Doyle Brunson Beer Pong Invitational Tournament. I'm brought in Matt "All In At 420" Stout as my partner which somehow made us the favored team by both Dr. Pauly and the entities at Wicked Chops Poker. I don't see it happening but it should be a fun way to start the summer.

BigMike - Drinking in Zero Gravity

2010-05-10T18:28:00.004-05:00

I'll be participating in the Great Strides event to benefit the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation with BigMike on May 15th. I rarely ask anything extraordinary from folks but this is a cause that is near to my heart. BigMike's nephew was born with this horrible disease and there is no cure. Even the smallest amount helps and you can donate on my Great Strides page.

Thank you for everything.

~

I've been avoiding my personal space here like the plague. I get enough questions with my insane ramblings 140 characters at a time on twitter and who knows what the hell I'd come up with given a blank page. It might never stop until my brain exploded all over the laptop or I pass out with head leaning uncomfortably sideways. Either way, it wouldn't be pretty.

I'm also trying to avoid the post where I get to write about BBT5 in all it's fucking twisted ass glory. The bitching, whining, moaning, "why not me" crap is a fun way to remind me I never wanted to run another in the first place. That post is written and ready to go but I'm going to wait until I'm safely planted on a barstool in Vegas and yet another BBT is in the rearview mirror.

Instead I am going to concentrate on the fun shit past and present. Coming up in just a few days I'll be joining BigMike for a Cystic Fibrosis benefit, that brought up some great memories while we were sitting around in the planning stages. I can't believe it's been nearly 6 years since we jumped a plane to St. Martin to spend a week in a ridiculous house with a few friends. That week also produced the one and only Big Mike Guest Post on this site.

Back then I didn't quite have "fuck you" money but it was damned close. We both worked our asses off and overindulged on the few vacation weeks we could find. Over the top was a perfect way to describe it all. Now I have traded my 3 weeks and big ticket vacations for 365 days of vacation and not blowing my head off due to stress. Below is the huge villa we rented to forget about work and drink our faces off, usually get slaughtered all while floating in the monster pool. One of those nights sent BigMike to the edge and he wrote a little something about it.

Enjoy Mike's post.

Drinking and the Benefits of Zero Gravity

It was All Hallows Eve. Traditionally not a good drinking day for me. Though I pride myself on my ability to pull back from the edge of complete oblivion on most occasions, something about the barrier being weaker between this reality and the afterworld makes me push the barriers a little farther, usually with extreme results.

It was day two in paradise. There we were in the pool again (although it felt like STILL). When Al first mentioned the villa of joy, the selling point for me was the Pool. Most fat mammals are happiest in zero gravity and I am no exception. My declared intention for the trip was to do as little as possible out side of the pool. And even though certain elements who Can't Understand No Talking were planning a week of activities, I was determined to get a decent amount of floating time.

Day one had gone very well. Here was the way events unfolded:

3:30 Arrived at Villa
3:35 Tour of Compound
3:50 Into the Pool
3:50:01 The Girls and Louie are off shopping
3:50:02 Into the Southern
5:00 First Bottle gone and tossed in the pool as a floater

5:00 - 6:00 Floating peacefully in the Pool with Al and the empty Southern bottle. Speech is completely unnecessary. Peace at last.

6:05 Our glasses are empty

6:05:01 Al makes the ultimate sacrifice and gets out of the pool and cracks open bottle number two. (Enthusiastic Cheers)

6:15 The women (and Louie) return with food.

6:15:01 Much needless talking ensues

6:20 We are ordered to go to the airport and pick up the rest of our rag tag crew. Of course we agree.

6:25 Our floating friend is discovered

6:25:01 Certain elements that Can't Understand No Talking indicate that we need to go to the airport because we "wasted time in the pool" while "important shopping was done." We again agree.

6:25:10 We are told that we are too drunk to drive. We respond that we have at least 90 minutes to sober up.

6:26 We are told we are too drunk to drive by Certain elements that Can't Understand No Talking. Mrs. Canthang asks if I am all right to drive. I answer "Is it 8:00?" From experience, she withdraws. We cap the bottle of Southern. (Expressions of Regret)

6:50 We are drying out. The silence is gone. The Southern is gone. I start to tease someone about their prior experience on vacation that involved drunkenness and fractured limbs. My head is beginning to clear. I am tearfully rebuked and told never to mention it again. I agree. I agree that making fun of drunken indiscretions would be wrong. I perform the Sacrament of Penance. I Mea Culpa until my chest hurts and agree that it is very wrong to exploit, tease, embarrass, or mention drunken incidents. I sign a non-aggression pact and cede half of Poland (after bombing the French of course).

8:10 The plane supposedly landed 10 minutes ago. We did not see it. (Yes my friends, we could actually see the planes arriving from the pool in the night sky!) Mrs. Canthang performs a sobriety test. I pass and I drag Mr. Canthang and we head to the airport.

8:30 We arrive at the airport
8:45 No sign of our compatriots
9:00 No sign of our compatriots
10:00 Return to consciousness and drive by the terminal
10:00:01 No sign of our compatriots
10:08 Mr. CantHang and the travel weary companions wave me down
10:28 We arrive at the villa
10:30 Back in the pool and the Southern is open
10:45 Buzz returns
11:05 The game of "Barnacle" is invented (Expression of Regret)
11:30 The second bottle is floating empty (Enthusiastic Cheer)
11:55 The third bottle of Southern is open.
1:00 Bedtime on the compound

Day two began where day one left off. I reflected on the negative moments of the previous day. They all involved the following:

1. Being out of the pool
2. Being sober enough to drive

Fortunately, these small matters could be easily remedied. By 2:00 bottle four was opened. By 3:00 bottle four was gone. Much of it in to me. Drinking in zero gravity masked most of the warning signs. You all know them, say them with me: dizziness, stumbling, slurring words, inability to control limbs, etc. In zero gravity, most of these are happily negated. You have nothing left but the buzz. You can surrender yourself completely to the buzz. I found that if I floated on my back, I could completely lose myself in thought and introspection without the annoyance of reality intruding. I spent most of the time floating on my back, doing flips, and basically wondering why we as a species chose to leave the sea. The dolphins were much smarter. It was obvious. Everything was better in the water. If you floated just right on your back, those who Can't Understand No Talking could not be heard. I tried to maintain that position as much as possible. When my head would accidentally come out of the water, I would hear chattering of concern with my wingman saying "He's fine, let him alone." Good man, Mr. Canthang! Eventually, I passed out. When my face went under the water, I woke up and stood up. HUGE mistake! Drinking in zero gravity cannot be stopped mid bender. Everything started spinning. Bad bad bad. Again, Mr. Canthang, in a demonstration of his drinking mastery, had the only thing I wanted at that moment....a garbage bag. I expelled much of the contents of my stomach, but I refused to exit the pool. Lifting my head to regurgitate the complete lack of food was more than enough for me. Fortunately, the pool was shallow enough to let me beach myself and only have to lift my head out of the water. As soon as the vomiting subsided, I would recede back into the water and float. And as soon as I was weightless again, I felt completely fine. My head would occasionally rise up enough to hear comments such as "Drown" and "Die" and "You have to pull him out of there." Again, Mr. Canthang kept them all at a distance. I finally got to the point where I could assist him in his efforts. Every twenty minutes or so he would say, "How are you doing BigMike?" And I would give him a thumbs up and the masses would give him a moment of peace. Occasionally, there would be the insane suggestion that I MUST leave the pool. I would extend a different finger on these occasions. The fact that I could differentiate between fingers seemed to bring comfort to the crowd.

By this time, six to eight hours had passed. Steaks had been promised. My thoughts were no longer a dreamy stream of consciousness. Lists of things to do started to creep in. Soon passwords and pin numbers reappeared. Visions of my family appeared. Steaks were promised. I lifted my head and it was not so bad. A little shaky but not so bad. Suddenly, I heard my wingman saying he would eat my steak. The time for decisive action had arrived. I turned over and asked for my steak. Of course, I ate it in the pool. By the time I was finished, my head was clear as a bell. I tried floating again and looking at the stars. It was nice and peaceful but not nearly the same. I relented and left the pool.

Few moments in my life have been as blissful as that floating inebriation. I vowed to repeat the experience, hoping not to step over the edge. Sadly, the pin number, passwords, to do lists, and those who Can't Understand No Talking prevented a repeat of the experience. I got close a few times, but I always seemed to have something to do that would stop the process before reaching the desired effect. Unfortunately, I am a creature of habit and I was unable to withdraw completely again from polite society for the rest of the week.

And remember kids, Mr. Canthang and I are professionals. Do not try any of the things you read about here yourselves.

P.S. The picture taken of me floating in the pool was violation of the non-aggression pact but I was unaware of it's existence until I returned. Not that it really bothered me. I consider the picture the best souvenir in years. If Stalin were as laid back as me, we would all be speaking German!

Originally posted on November 23rd, 2004

~

Since you are here and already in a reading mood, the next edition of Truckin' is out and I managed to sneak a story in this month. Old drunk guys and Delaware all suck.

Truckin' - May 2010, Vol. 9, Issue 5

1. Uncle Louie by Paul McGuire
He used to be full of life and love and generosity, but no more. These days, he was capable of saying horrendous things that made you feel like you were three inches tall. He had the madness of an angry blind dog... More

2. State Line by AlCantHang
It has never once failed me when I yell "OY!" and look like I'm going to eat your next born. People generally shrink away even though I barely reach 5-foot-nothing. Not once in my life had it failed, that is, until the "old dude" took a fucking swing at my gourd... More

3. If You're Gonna Lose, Lose Big by Broseph
I was starring at their boobs and I got the idea of maybe trying some threesome action. It's a tough bridge to cross, and I had no idea where to start. I decided to just start making out with Gwen and hoped that would work... More

4. American Hero by Dawn Summers
The skies were just this shade of pitch black at nine in the morning. The rain was slamming against my windows. And the wind, oh the wind huffed and puffed and tried to blow my house down... More

5. Self by Drizz
With a "normal" middle-income life that most Americans live grinding out work for the man and making enough scratch to satisfy the needs and wants, there’s hardly time to take a step back and enjoy this existence... More

6. In Between Fighting Souls by Tenzin McGrupp
My quagmire of a life resembles
A wretched Fox sitcom,
A Shakespeare play,
A black and white Woody Allen film.
Except that Joey Buttafucco is the lead actor
And stands forty-five pounds overweight... More

BBT5 ready to roll

2010-04-16T12:08:00.005-05:00

Love it or hate it, I don't care. I am far too lazy to re-write a post aimed for my personal blog, here's the post I put up on Poker From the Rail with fellow blogger Dave. Have at it. Also, I was able to bring Mookie himself out of retirement for the banner work.

Many years ago, long before I gave my life to my Full Tilt overlords, a few bloggers were hosting private tournaments on the site throughout the week. "Discussions" amongst the hosts as to whose players were better were not uncommon. We eventually came up with a half-hearted effort to rank the various players and Full Tilt backed us up with some added money to make it interesting. That was the birth of the Battle of the Blogger Tournaments challenge. Just a few years later, the BBT has turned into a monster, now offering bloggers and their readers a shot at over $50,000 in cash and WSOP seats courtesy of Full Tilt.

This weekend we begin the 5th incarnation of the Battle of the Blogger Tournaments challenge. There are several opportunities for bloggers and their readers to win their way into the BBT5 Tournament of Champions, which boasts several WSOP packages. Unlike previous BBT challenges which stretched the sanity, bankroll, and relationship status of our players, this challenge will be easy to play. BBT5 will run for the next six weeks with two blogger-hosted tournaments during the week as well as an invitational tournament series taking place each Sunday featuring some of your favorite bloggers on topics ranging from poker to finance to philosophy.

The Battle of the Blogger 5 Tournament of Champions: May 27

The BBT5 will last six weeks, culminating in a Tournaments of Champions scheduled for Thursday, May 27th. The prizepool for the ToC is impressive: 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place finishers will each receive a $10,000 entry into the 2010 World Series of Poker Main Event as well as room accommodations at the Rio All-Suites Hotel and Casino. 4th and 5th place finishers will receive a $2,000 Bracelet Race package good for many of the preliminary 2010 WSOP events.

To qualify for the Battle of the Blogger 5 Tournament of Champions, you need to be a top player in one of the following tournaments:

Poker from the Rail Series: Mondays at 22:00ET

On April 19th we are introducing our new Poker From the Rail tournament series and everyone is welcome to join us for this deepstack NLHE event with a buyin of $24+2 (or token) starting at 22:00ET. In addition to first place money from the prizepool, the winner will earn an entry into the BBT Tournament of Champions. The Poker From the Rail tournament will run each Monday from April 19th through May 24th.

The Mookie: Wednesdays at 22:00ET

The Mookie tournament is one of the longest running blogger-hosted events on Full Tilt. It's been running so long, in fact, that the original blogger-host has retired and the tournament is now being hosted by the folks at Buddy Dank Radio who have been running a fine game. This tournament, also a deepstack NLHE format, runs each Wednesday at 22:00ET with a $10+1 buyin. Every Mookie winner between April 21st and May 26th will also earn an entry into the BBT Tournament of Champions.

The Invitational: Sundays at 19:00ET

The last ToC qualifying event is the Sunday evening Invitational, 6 events fielded by many of your favorite poker bloggers, players, and media personalities. Full Tilt has invited a lot of old school poker bloggers to battle the younger generation, the mainstream media, and a few surprise celebrities. It's a great chance to rail the writers you've been reading for years while they play for one of the two ToC entries up for grabs in each tournament.

Blogger Battle Royale: Sunday June 6th

After the ToC is one final event: the Blogger Battle Royale, a freeroll thank you to all the participating bloggers. The stakes: a $2,000 WSOP Bracelet Race package and another $2,000 in cash. The Battle Royale is open to any blogger who actively participates in the BBT. Qualifying is simple: put the BBT badge (available at the soon to be created BBT webpage) on your blog and play in a Mookie or Poker from the Rail tournament and you’re in. (Please note: your blog must have been created prior to April 15 to be eligible.)

In order to fulfill the egalitarian promise of the Battle Royale, we’ll also accept good-faith gestures from bloggers who would like to play in the Battle Royale but cannot, for whatever reason, meet the above qualifications. Email my colleague Dave McCarthy at DaveFromTheRail@gmail.com and he’ll take care of your Battle Royale entry in exchange for a little assistance promoting your fellow bloggers.

During each of these tournaments, tune in to Buddy Dank Radio who will be broadcasting during the entire challenge. There will be special guests during each tournament and I will certainly make an appearance on a regular basis, including this Sunday during the first event. It is a great way to enjoy the blogger tournament experience and, who knows -- you might hear something entertaining.

Below you will find details on all the events as well as the BBT5 banners

Tournament: Poker From the Rail
When: Monday, April 19th through May 24th starting at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $24+2 (or token)*
Password: 2010WSOP

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday, April 21st through May 26th starting at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1*
Password: vegas1

*Winner also receives ToC entry

Tournament: Battle of the Blogger Tournaments Invitational
When: Sunday, April 18th through May 23rd starting at 19:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: Restricted freeroll**

**$2,000 Prizepool + 1st and 2nd place receive ToC entry

Tournament: Blogger Battle Royale
When: Sunday, June 6th starting at 14:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: Freeroll for BBT participating bloggers

Battle of the Blogger Tournaments banners

BBT5 - Large banner
BBT5 - Medium banner
BBT5 - Small banner
BBT5 - Thumbnail banner

Precursor to BBT5

2010-04-16T02:34:00.006-05:00

Nearly 20 years ago I walked into the famous Troc in Chinatown Philly to see an acoustic show that MTV loved and started the "Unplugged" crap. Still pissed I can't find the live version of "The Way It is" but this will do. After that video is the real live version of "Love Song" with a killer opening guitar solo.

The 5:30 portion of "Love Song" is where things went nuts. Acoustic guitar solo then Frank Hannon shreds the same solo after picking up the electric for the only time the entire concert.

Shit went nuts.

Even though we could never seem to work things out
I still love you just the same, I do
I miss your smile and that sparkle in your eyes
You're so beautiful, never change!

My Tribute to the Boathouse

2010-03-30T18:22:00.010-05:00

Every drunk needs a home bar. A place that feels just as comfortable as home, sometimes even more so. The bar staff and regulars become just as much part of your family as the real thing. The show Cheers made it a cheesy cliche but it's always nice to have a place where everyone knows you. The Boathouse was that place for me for a very long time. This weekend I received the call, the Boathouse was closing it's doors forever.

The first time my ass hit one of their barstools was in the mid-90's when I was a young'n just getting to the point of realizing I was going to be stuck as a career corporate stiff and this would be my outlet. Sitting in our corner with BigMike and Landow and Lewey and JDub just drinking our way through happy hour into late night. 99% of the time is was uneventful, the other 1% became local legend. I met my future wife (and coincidentally EX-wife) running around the Boathouse like a drunken monkey on crack. The great crew of friends I now call my closest became that way through those shared experiences.

The summer months were spent day after day sitting on the back deck relaxing and usually resulted in anti-social behavior later in the evening. The staff didn't necessarily give us free reign over the place but there were few restrictions placed on us. Need a promotion run, pay me in shots. Need to have a big crowd for a special occasion, pay me in shots. More often than not we were the last patrons sitting at the bar while the staff cleaned up and recovered from the night. There is a huge Friday night crowd and can't get to the bar, no problem. Get the bartenders attention and watch everyone get pissed as they have to pass your drinks back while they still wait.

It was the glory days of tearing through stock shelves of liquor.

True story. The Boathouse thought my honeymoon was only going to be a week long instead of the planned two weeks. When I finally took my usual seat the general manager pulled me into the backroom. Standing there were 12 extra bottles of SoCo because they did not adjust for my missing second week. It was fun having a direct impact on the ordering practices of a drinking establishment.

The Boathouse hosted the sick version of our wedding reception (the second of the day) with 400+ of our closest friends crammed in acting as fools, the perfect setting for what would turn into the yearly party known as The Bash at the Boathouse. Each September we would invite everyone we knew for a night of live music and irresponsible drinking all in the name of various charities. Soon the bloggers were showing up in force adding their touch of craziness with pre-game poker games on the deck. It also was the start of the WPBT and the Vegas December Gathering courtesy of an airport bound casual conversation.

The last big bender happened a few years ago when Gavin showed up for the Peyton Charity poker tournament then proceeded to rip through the room like his head was on fire and the only solution was bottles of booze. We had people passing out in the corner, certain bloggers making unfortunate decisions regarding the female of the species, beer pong tournament, flesh peddling, and the always popular Gavin Smith live band karaoke performance. We'll never forget Running of The Lewey.

Those were just some of the crazy moments. Most of the time it was just a group of people sitting around bullshitting and throwing back drinks. After work, after softball, after lunch. The friends I made are still around and the Boathouse was our common meeting place. Now the doors are closed. In many ways my life is much more simpler now without the daily grind of the corporate monkey world but those were years I would never give up and now a huge part of my old life is no more.

Cheers to Boathouse for all those years of destroying my liver and giving me a place with so many great memories. I hope everyone has the chance to have a bar they can call their own.

~

I owe the place a better tribute but just threw something together quickly to get it done. Below is the important part.

I tried to find some pictures to show a little of what happened over the decade and a half. It was tough to limit it this much but any more than these pictures and the website would never load. I borrowed some from the feeds below and most are from my old Image Gallery that hasn't worked in 3 years.

Enjoy, feel free to email more if you have them.

Gracie's Bash Pictures
F-Train's Bash at the Boathouse 2006
Maudie's Bash at the Boathouse 2006
Falstaff's Bash at the Boathouse 2006

BigMike is not amused by harpies

Carter was a god damn trooper. After sitting in the Borgata poker room for 36 hours he drove to the Philly 'burbs and partied himself into a coma. We never talk about what happened AFTER this picture.

That's a young pre-WSOP bracelet Brian Lemke in the background

Bridget is not that tall, Andrea is not that short

We started running poker tournaments in 2001 and brought in some outside "talent" to help attract players to the game and it worked like a charm

The Brandon Schaefer Invitational Beer Pong Tournament
He can't be that much taller than BadBlood

Terri is the queen of multi-tasking

This all happened after I set up a charity softball game, things got crazy in a hurry and this is the tame picture. The Boathouse asked me to remove those pictures from my site, but now they are out of business so screw it.

I have no idea how I never got busted for running a poker game in a public bar

All Gavin wanted to do was sing Mr. Brightside

2010-03-29T17:17:00.008-05:00

God damn, I am slipping. Day 1 and Day 2 have been written for two weeks just sitting in draft status. Drunk boy forgot to hit "publish". Presented again without proof reading.

2010 Mastodon Prelude
Philly 'burbs, March 2010

It's a common theme among most people who attend this spontaneous gathering of degenerates, try to explain the concept to others and halfway through the conversation you just end up shrugging your shoulders to say "You just have to see it to believe it." Even my attempt to write up the explanation turned into a half-assed idea of the concept behind the entire thing. It's not an easy thing to describe how a bunch of people from different walks of life suddenly descend upon a sleepy little village with no more prompting the a quick email at the beginning of the year saying "how does March XX sound for a visit?".

Early in the year I was chatting with Katie when the plans were starting to form up and I was answering questions again. It's really nothing like when the bloggers invade Las Vegas as there's very little in the way of solid planning and it's just a relatively small gathering of friends who would primarily attempt to get themselves faced in every fashion possible. The only time frame we had to go by was the 2am last call inside G-Vegas. Somehow my stories didn't scare her away from the unabashed Bacchanalia.

We through together a loose itinerary, she likes to drive plus it would save me from getting into the G-Vegas train station at 4am. It had been awhile since I just hopped in a car for a decent road trip and this seemed like a good time to get one in. Drive down, tear up the town, drive back, hopefully survive to tell the tales. The days rolled by until it was about time to load up the bags.

In the end it turned out to be everything I expected and nothing I expected. I realize that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever but I just tell it like I see it. Before I move onto the Day 1 recap you should go read four of my favorite writeups done so far. No offense intended to others but Otis and Pauly get top billing.

2010 Mastodon Weekend - by Otis
Mastodon Weekend deconstructed - by Otis
All Things Reconsidered - Mastodon Weekend - by Dr. Pauly
The Mastodon Chronicles - by Dr. Pauly

2010 Mastodon Weekend Day 1
Maryland, March 2010

"I probably shouldn't be doing 95 right now" - Katie

It was raining at 2am and we'd only been on the road for an hour, according to the gods of Mapquest there were 7 and a half hours ahead of us and the miles were clicking off at a steady pace. Everyone learned in Vegas that Katie is a damned trooper but the travel itinerary seemed to stress the boundaries of sanity but I put my faith in her abilities. Class til 8pm, short nap, then in the car and on the road to G-Vegas in time for her the early bird chirping. That meant piling into the Super Beetle at 1am and tearing up some pavement.

In no time we are loading up somewhere south of Richmond, VA. The rocket with fuel and me with Red Bull (48oz worth?). I consider myself to be a decent second-seater and I wanted to make sure I was wide awake to provide whatever distractions necessary to keep my pilot alert. Perhaps my biggest mistake of the trip, she didn't need my help and I was wired for the next 48 hours.

The miles ripped under us with just a few minor problems like morning "rush hour" traffic around Charlotte, NC and a little un-plowed snow. That is one shit kicking town that can't handle it's snow. In no time we were across the border into South Carolina driving by the magic water tower done up to look exactly like a peach. Or a peach colored ass-crack depending on your perspective. A well known sign G-Vegas is just a few short miles down the road.

Soon we were pulling into the nice quiet town about to explode. I like to consider myself a pretty decent traveler. I pack light, always prepared, generally have a good game plan set up. Knowing we were going to be getting into town a lot earlier then standard check-in time I called ahead and was assured the hotel would have a room ready when we got there after the long drive for the night. Sure as shit that didn't happen. I gave the poor lady at the front desk my number and we took a seat in the lounge. Potentially a long wait and I decided that just wasn't going to do. Have phone and have money, no sense sitting around drinking $20 Mimosas while stewing.

I called every hotel within walking distance trying to find any place that would let us check in immediately. I hit the bingo on my third call but all they had available at the moment was an "executive suite". He quoted the price and I almost snap called it, never mind it was going to cost the same as the four nights at the Westin and would only be used for a few hours to crash. It was a huge corner suite overlooking the Reedy River and more room then we would ever need. Katie passed right out and I was stuck staring at the ceiling courtesy of my Red Bull miscalculation. Just as I was fading out my phone chirped.

"Mr. CantHang, this is (shrew harpie) from the Westin. We just wanted to let you know your room is ready for checkin."

Fuck me. I thanked her and said I would see her much much later.

The rest of Day 1 was a blur of beer, sushi, shots and badly played poker. We figured it was damn close to 24 hours since the last meal and took it out on the local sushi establishment. I'm not ashamed to admit that I over-ordered, over-ate, and made a fine pig of myself. No idea when my next real meal would come along so I took the opportunity to pile in the food. Plus there was some open night drinking to get through which rarely goes well in my favor.

It was off to the Mastodon Weekend base called Connolly's Pub, the place of memories and many things which should be forgotten. I was greeted by the bartender with a very friendly "Hey, Soco!" Seems I had a lasting impression I was last in Connolly's over a year before. It was a nice calm evening of sitting around with Katie, Otis, and Tim with too many shots and impossible prop bets via Otis. Shit that was just impossible to know. I challenged him back with something simple, what was I texting to BadBlood at that very moment while I was constantly ragging him for not coming out.

"We're going to Platinum." Fucker, pay him his money.

I'm already shipping money around the greater G-Vegas area and the real gambling hadn't even really started. Since I was running so well why shouldn't we all hop in a car for a local poker game when I was on the fast train to Fuckedupville. This would be the beginning of a string of really bad decisions.

The Mark brings out a handle of Soco and I decide poker is a bad idea, considering my ATM card went missing somewhere along the way. Let Katie and Otis ram and jam the pots, they were the players who should be playing. This worked for about an orbit before I said to Otis, "put me in". I ran my little stake up quickly and then played my single worst hand of poker ever. It was really that bad.

The next morning I woke up with my entire world turned upside down, it had a little to do with shipping a $1,200 pot holding air and finding myself without cash or plastic. Day 1 went down as something that can never be repeated.

Mastodon Weekend Writeup Pre-game

2010-03-09T21:33:00.004-05:00

G-Vegas
March 2010

I was reminded from a friend through a friend via a friend that I don't write here nearly often enough. It's been a long time since I've felt any desire to throw anything out here other than the occasional update. I'm getting my poker writing fix over on Full Tilt and I get to riff on the idiotic soccer world over at Soccerati (when I can) but it seems I needed to take back a little of the personal life. I'm still tearing apart bars one giant shot at a time, blasting my brain cells at the same rate, even seeing crazy shit that would make for a great post. That doesn't mean I'm not writing about them. I just haven't posted them here.

There is a site out there, you'll just never find it. AKA my dumpsite.

I long ago gave up the cloak of anonymity that most enjoy with their site/blog/social networking. I dropped it willingly by posting my own pictures early and openly talking about where/when/what the hell I was doing on a regular basis. Still no one really knew who the hell I was outside BigMike who spent most of those idiotic nights perched on a barstool next to me. It's become an odd situation where so many people actually know me now I've been forced to edit myself for the sake of others who generally would prefer to not have their name associated with my insanity. Hell, even some of my friends "before blog" stopped hanging out for fear they'd see their nickname in print. I can't blame any of my new friends for not wanting their connection to me known to the entire world.

With all that said, I'll be back soon with at least Day 1 of the 2010 Mastodon Weekend insanity and that should snowball back to getting me in the swing.

"Write about every gut punch" I was once told, let's see if that actually fucking works.

Mastodon Weekend Explained

2010-02-17T18:15:00.010-05:00

Bad blogger, bad blogger. I've just been so wrapped up in everything running around in my life that this spot is mostly a keeper of things in the past. I have several uberposts which may or may not ever see the light of the internets, but until then it's time for a flashback. Mastodon Weekend.

I hate making plans other than a rag tag set of travel itineraries which force me here and there throughout the year. Over planning generally just serves as an excuse for me to go in my own direction and create another set of circumstances that likely end in my short disappearance. Mastodon Weekend 2009 started in this fashion. I planned to be at a certain place on a certain date and things exploded into a mess of booze and car bombs and illegal human racing.

I found myself at the beginning of 2009 looking at a life wide open. MrsCantHang and myself had recently inked the deal ending our shock and awe relationship that was basically a series of burning bridges and brain cells. My bank account was sitting very nicely, I was homeless, and I can't stand the cold weather of the NorthEast. It was decided to hop a train from DC down the eastern seaboard eventually ending with a few months power drinking with the kids of Key West. Several stops were in the works including a stop in G-Vegas South Cackalacky to hang out with the boys, sling some chips, and support the single mother strippers of the world.

Otis and the boys were ready for a mini-onslaught when it started to expand. The BoyGenius happened to have some vacation to burn so why not hop down from Chicago. Dr. Jeff was quickly on the bandwagon with the Mizzou connections. The North Carolina crew couldn't let something blast off so close to their backyard without hopping in the mix. Before long there was a healthy list of friends who made the choice to join the impromptu party in this quiet little SC town. Doc Chako on the other side of the country, in. Bammer and Pebbles in Canada, makes perfect sense to drive for 24 hours, party for 24 hours, drive back home through through snow. I know some very twisted folks, wouldn't change a damned thing.

Some even flew to the wrong damned state.

"Hey, I'm at the airport. Where should I be flying?", asked Iggy.

"Greenville, SC", where else would he be going?

"Fuck! My flight is to Greensboro, NC. Is that close?" Nope. These are my friends.

~

"You wanna go see Motley Crue tonight?" Otis asked that afternoon while drinking a little Mexican joint out of SoCo. By the end of the weekend, the Crue would be the most sane thing we did the entire time.

None of this was planned other than maybe a little poker one night. I didn't plan the car bomb rallies or the G-Vegas strangers to become friends or the insanity of racing rickshaws around town or the multiple trips to the strip club. I certainly didn't plan to literally light money on fire as I did with a hundy just to prove I could and would. All I was looking for was a little quality drinking time with a few friends and it turned into a full sick weekend of hedonistic over-indulgence that would be shameful if it were possible for me to feel such a thing.

There are still many things which are fuzzy and some which will never see a public forum aside from my drunk ass sitting on a barstool telling stupid stories. You want to know what the hell we're talking about when you see the #JohnElway tag on twitter, you'll have to see me in person and hope I'm looped. You want to know how I dusted off nearly $2,000 in a strip club to get nothing more than a weak lap dance, bowl of grapes, and stranded? Same deal, I take payment in massive shots.

I will soon make my way south again and I don't think we will see anything like last year. If the same things happened it would be pointless. This year I expect we'll see a new brand of silly behavior because you can't plan for crazy. It just happens. So while I started out trying to explain Mastodon Weekend I soon realized it was impossible. The weekend could turn into a hot mess that no one will want to recall or a nice quiet weekend of friends sitting around a pub for hours spinning tales. Friends sporting various life leaks as well as a solid disregard for social responsibility. Any way you look at it, that's a win.

Hippy Jesus Al Can't Hang rises from the Hellfire Fossils - per Otis

Wednesday night with The Crue

Drunken invasion

Bad form cost me the win, I would get redemption later
Favorite part, when BG yells "Fuckin' Al!"

The Great G-Vegas Richshaw Race of 2009

Dr. Jeff's take on Mastodon Weekend 2009

2010: Off to a good start

2010-01-16T19:44:00.002-05:00

Philly 'burbs
January 2010

We're just a few days into the new year and I haven't had much time to really sit down to get my thoughts in writing. It's been a pretty stellar start to 2010 after a 2009 that was my best in a very long time. It will be tough to beat last year but it's doing a fine job trying right off the bat. There have been some minor inconveniences business-wise but they just seem to highlight the good things in the last two weeks. May be I'll even take some time in the future to tell you about them.

I'm in the process of planning my first half travel plans which will once again find me spending time with my good friends in G-Vegas and sitting on the grass watching Spring Training Phillies games. Mardi Gras was a passing idea but I'll make up for missing that by spending a bunch of quality time with the gang down in Key West. Anywhere from a week to a few months depending on how juicy I find the local poker games or how quickly I plow through my bankroll on nekkid girl bull riding prop bets. Texas, Canada, Arizona, and California continue to be on my wishlist. Aim high.

I'm still cruising along with the Full Tilt gig at Poker from the Rail and I have some great things in the works. I plan to tear up the WSOP in my second year better than my first. I will buckle down for two months of intensity to justify my existence in this silly industry before continuing the insanity that is my life. I will extend my personal record for "consecutive years spent in a drunken oblivion". Somewhere along the lines someone thought they wanted to hear whatever stories I had to tell.

I've also begun contributing to Pokerati Dan's new webiste Soccerati. It will be fun talking about one of my favorite sports (1. Baseball 2. Soccer 3. NFL...) especially with the buildup to the 2010 World Cup. We'll see how we deal with balancing the World Cup and World Series of Poker this summer. Dan has managed to wrangle up something like 9 different writers so there will be plenty to read.

Even though 2009 was outstanding, I'm looking to make 2010 crush all others. Luckily I have a fine group around me to come along on this sick journey. I will see you when I hit your little city/town/borough/shanty.

Just point me in the direction of a good dive bar and bottle of booze.

Dirndl Dirndl Dirndl

2009-12-28T16:42:00.005-05:00

I think I finally have the new comment system up but still needing a few tweaks, feel free to give it a shot to help a brother out.

The Daily Crutch
December 2009

It's a tough job going through the old archives looking at pictures of scantily clad (or some cases, un-clad) girls in an effort to kickstart my extremely dormant creativity. The first two pictures jumped out at me and I remember that DonkeyPuncher and the BoyGenius were especially enamored with the Dirndl.

Dirndl: a type of traditional dress worn in southern Germany, Liechtenstein and Austria, based on the historical costume of Alpine peasants.

I've posted a few over the years and even picked up a few new ones to update the catalog. Enjoy.

OK, so it's not a dirndl
How 'bout pirate girls?

The Southern Comfort Files

2009-12-24T19:04:00.007-05:00

You must forgive the screwed up comment section. Beloved Haloscan has gone away and I'm trying to get the new comment system set up correctly.

The Daily Crutch
December 2009

I'm going through nearly 6 years worth of posted images and will be posting a ton over the holidays. Here's the first go'round.

I know it's completely shocking to the world, but I do enjoy tipping back the occasional Southern Comfort. That generally means plenty of chances to snap pictures of bottles in various states of fullness. Here are just a few of my favorite SoCo pictures from the last six years. (There may be some that are NSFW like this one, those I will link and warn)

The one and only Bradoween since I started the site
Rules for the Al Can't Hang Experience can be found here

Portable shot carrier anyone?

Terri pouring a shot, not usually a big deal, this was the St. Patrick's Day booze massacre
I would be called later this night and invited to the Playboy Mansion
(aka called up to the Big Leagues)

The stash for me and BigMike in St. Martin
The booze lasted about 36 hours

For reference, this is what they mean by "Al-sized shot"

The booze starter kit for Key West in 2007

I thought I imagined this walking down Royal St. during Mardi Gras

Tailgating before the Phillies World Series parade
~~Kegs~~ SoCo and eggs (with bacon!)

Trying to tilt the players at Gracie and SSP's Poker Dome

Random bartender at the Hooker Bar with yet another empty

I'll always support a place that provides my own stock of SoCo

This was a common theme on my road trip last year
Empty bottles scattered down the east coast

My Key West Darlin' Nikki

2009 Christmas Present

2009-12-24T15:14:00.002-05:00

The Great Northeast
December 2009

OK bloggers and readers and random nudie google gawkers, I'm taking a quick break from trying to recount the few Vegas memories I have floating in my head to wish everyone safe and happy holidays. Watch out for the semi-tarded amateurs who will take this time to overindulge. I'm spending the last few days of the year going over my 2009 via pictures and video. I hope to have a 2009 recap video similar to what Pauly puts out each year. This was my first full year as a first class degenerate and a good fucking year it was.

I also found the need to download every single image from the alcanthang.com server looking for some things and realized I have some gems there also. Over the next few days I'll do nothing but post a bunch of old images. That should entertaining. I'm also chopping the holy hell out of the blogroll on the right, don't be offended.

Until then, Pauly put out the December version of Truckin' for a nice Christmas present.

Cheers and see you on the other side.

December 2009, Vol. 8, Issue 12

1. Stiff Santa by Paul McGuire
The Beverly Center had one strict rule -- never under any circumstances remove the bunny head in public. That would mortify young children. Josh turned to Ritalin to solve his problems... More

2. Christmas Money for Misty by Johnny Hughes
Misty laid her best story on Sam, her road story. She was temporarily broke, like most casino folks, but she was to inherit the historic Morgan Ranch, 473 oil wells, 47,000 acres, and a bunch of cows in the Texas panhandle... More

3. The Hobby by Milton Burton
The driver himself was a small-time coke pusher and wannabe heavy metal musician named Ronnie DeLoach who would never make it big, partly because he was void of any real musical talent. But mostly this sad fact could be attributed to his very limited life span... More

4. Dick-Hole, Part II by Bobby Bracelet
Most guys will yank it twenty times a week but they won't feel their balls for lumps. I see it all the time... More

5. Absence of Fear by George Tate
The turns became hard to handle and Gatlin knew it wouldn't take much to be over a guard rail and down the side on his back, load, tractor, and all. He suddenly cleared his mind and focused on the words, "Turn off the engine, that's it."... More

The Welfare Check

2009-12-18T00:51:00.006-05:00

Las Vegas
December 2009

(Phone ringing)
(Phone ringing)

"What? I'm zleeeeping?"

"Mr. CantHang? Sir, this is security. We have a call from a friend who is concerned about you. Are you ok sir?"

"What?"

"Sir, are you ok? Someone called and they were concerned for you. We need to do a welfare check to make sure you are ok."

"What? Yeah. I'm fine. Just zleeeeping. Think I drank too much tonight."

"OK sir, we'll cancel the security guard on his way up. But you have someone standing at your door waiting. You should tell them you are ok."

"What?"

"Goodbye sir."

Stupid booze.

I stumbled to the door, still fully clothed from whenever, and saw the good Dr. Pauly through my teeny tiny peep hole. He seemed generally relieved I was alive, I was touched.

I was also still completely fucked up. He came into the room I assume to make sure I hadn't slashed up a hooker or two (Roll me once, shame on you. Roll me twice...) but I think the only incrementing evidence was a fucked up room service pizza and 3/4 of a Heineken.

He said people were worried and people were concerned I was missing in action and people wanted to know where the hell I was. None of this made any sense since it couldn't be that late. His assertion that no one had seen me in 17 hours made no sense. He pieced together Iggy getting me near my floor sometime that morning and it was now very late in the day, even though my body was calling bullshit. The Eagles were still on, see? Turns out they were the late night game that weekend and I was truly way past my due date. My trusty iPhone would tell the truth.

I think I broke it's memory buffer. The lists of missed calls, texts, voicemail was longer than the screen. Damn, this wasn't good. Fuck, imagine if I'd have won that god damned tournament. I did the first sensible thing. Let up a smoke, made my apologies and tried to wrap my head around everything. I kept throwing things at my mental wall and shit just wasn't sticking.

The doc made sure I was alive, handed over his glorious bottle of water, and told me to get my shit together whenever I could. He also asked me the one thing the brought a smile to this pour wretched soul.

"When I go back, should I fuck with everyone and say I couldn't find you?"

These are my friends, the ones who keep me within shouting distance of sane.

Off we go once again

2009-12-08T19:17:00.006-05:00

From the ether in between
December 2009

Dropping one last note before jumping on a plane Thursday morning. While you are waiting for 200 bloggers to return with their tales of debauchery, you can still follow along semi-live 140 characters at a time. Several big names (plus my puny self) will be firing off their experiences into the internet airways via their Twitter accounts.

I've listed a few below to follow but the two best ways would probably be Gracie's WPBT follow list or just search for anything with a #WPBT tag.

@AlCantHang
@TaoPauly
@_Otis_
@Iggylicious
@Drizztdj
@JoeSpeaker
@StB08
@Bammer

I got lazy after just 8 links, go use the WPBT follow list and we'll be square.

It won't be long before I'll board USAir flight 435 to Las Vegas (does that sound like a crashing number? Can you hear a broadcaster saying "USAir flight 435 is down somewhere over a desolate flyover state"?) If these are my last words than let's go with

"He just wanted to preform The Procedure one more time."

or

"I'd like to order one large pepperoni pizza...."

Surviving Las Vegas

2009-12-07T13:58:00.007-05:00

'burbs of Philly
December 2009

Hells yeah, it's about time to shut this god damn laptop down and head west. Back to Vegas without worrying about covering a poker tournament, playing "dodge the lemur", or tracking down narcissistic players. There is even a possibility that I'll hop on that plane Thursday morning without my trusty computer companion. I spent the weekend working out my liver with the old Boathouse crew, plenty of triple Soco's and late night/morning bed times. I even warmed up some of my worst pick up lines for the occasion. It would be appropriate to feel honored should I use one of them on you.

I still have a shit-ton of stuff to get done for the real jobby bloggy over the next two days. Luckily I have plenty of time to get it done since my sleep schedule has been whittled down to crashing around 4am and waking back up at 7am. I'm beginning to feel damn near the insomnia level of the Good Doctor.

I mentioned in my last post that Pauly generally posts a list of tips for those heading to Vegas for the first time, especially if it's during the yearly donking of the bloggers. I'm glad to see he's not only re-posted the list but has added to it.

First my short little list of Do's and Don't's (how does one properly punctuate that line?):

- DO play Pai Gow at some point. Don't be intimidated, it's a piece of cake. There will likely be a few blogger dominated tables each night.

- DO play craps at the Casino Royale. There's a very good chance I'm going to get wasted at the IP on Thursday night and walk down the block for the game. $5 craps with 100 times odds. Can't be beat on the strip. I started playing the game at the first blogger gathering. "Press it Kenneth!" - BobbyBracelet

- Do play the IP dealer-tainer video roulette if a blogger "game" starts off. Especially if Freddie Mercury is on stage.

- DO drink freely. That doesn't necessarily mean try to keep up with me, but you should enjoy yourself with a cocktail or twelve. An hour.

- DO walk up to any damned blogger you see and introduce yourself. Chances are I'll be in the middle of buying my 1000th round of shots so join right in.

- DO NOT take a picture of Iggy and post it on the internet. That takes away at least two hours of my life just talking him off the ledge.

- DO NOT sleep unless you absolutely have to do it. You'll have plenty of time to sleep when you crawl your hungover ass back to Pennsyl-tucky or whatever flyover state in which you reside.

- DO NOT get rolled by a hooker. Dr. Pauly covers this little bit, but I feel the need to personally restate the obvious. However, if it does happen DO tell everyone about it because it will make for a fine story/blog post.

- DO NOT miss the mix games at the MGM and the subsequent drunken mess at the sportsbook around the corner. This has become one of the best impromptu places to gather and bullshit.

- Finally, DO NOT be offended if your real name slips my memory. I have a long history of alcohol abuse and my brain is sketchy remembering names of those I've known for decades.

Now that I've completed my tiny list, you should go immediately to Pauly and read his tips for Vegas. Print them out, memorize them, live them, love them. They will save your life in the end. And don't forget Tip #34.

Invading Las Vegas Tips Reprise by Dr. Pauly

Prepare yourself WPBT-style

2009-11-24T18:45:00.009-05:00

The Great Northeast
November 2009

I am so far behind in posting that I might never catch up. I have the first two days of the Vegas November Nine trip ready to publish but I'm taking a pause for the cause. It's just a few short weeks now until a bunch of nasty degenerates descend upon the Vegas strip to do embarrassing things and make a shameful spectacle of themselves. God damn cowboys in town for the National Finals Rodeo. I think a bunch of poker bloggers will be there also.

It seems hard to believe it was 6 years ago when Dr. Pauly posed the innocent question to a few folks about joining him and Derek for their yearly gamble-palooza in Vegas. What started as a few people rolling westward quickly warped into the first live blogger tournament (with unending help by PokerProf and flipchip) at Sam's Town. Insane fun at the Sherwood Forest bar, Iggy-impersonations, bad gumbo, bruised ribs, stretch Excursions (with death metal, weed, and some huddled bible-belters), Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey, caustic Felicia, signing worthless autographs for the kids, and a Don Swayze/Tony Siragusa siting.

That was just the first night.

There can only be one first time, and I'm pretty damned proud to have gotten on the ride at the start. Some of these random strangers went from "online poker friends" to drinking friends to colleagues. A few I include among my best friends on the planet.

Six years ago I was a hard drinking, happily married, well-positioned company man with nothing but great things lined up in the future. These days the only thing that remains is the hard drinking. And the relentless chain smoking. I would have coughed up toxic Marlboro fumes in your face had you told me in December 2004 I would be here at this point of my life.

I only give one piece of advice for first-timers and veterans alike. Only priority is make sure to have a blast. Don't get caught up trying to meet everybody for the first time, don't forget to enjoy the moment instead of trying to make one happen. Spontaneous Pai Gow session, get your ass in there. You see a long-haired freak lining up twenty people for a shot, get yourself in line and chug away. Find a blogger poker game that weekend, the one time you can drop The Hammer with impunity. And for god's sake if you want to keep up with me have all your permissions slip signed and shots up to date.

Here is my very fluid schedule for that weekend.

Thursday - Arrive in Vegas, at some point I will be knocking back shots at the IP Geisha Bar and wrangling up Pai Gow participants. If I get a bug up my butt I'll venture over to Casino Royale for craps.

Friday - Apparently I'm shooting a round of golf with BWOP, Bammer, and the crew. I'm all paid up but there's only a 5% chance I'm in any condition to make the golf course. Friday night I will be camping out at the MGM Sportsbook bar for a few hours. I will then disappear into the evening towards Green Valley Ranch to catch the Steel Panther. I have no idea who is interested and have no plans to organize anything.

Saturday - After not sleeping for 48 hours, I'll be in perfect shape to play the WPBT tournament at Caesar's. Dead Money walking in the door but I'll have fun with it. The rest of the day will be spent sitting at some random bar/sportsbook/poker table.

Sunday - Football, football, football.

All of that may happen, some, or none at all. I've come to understand the position of my friends who spend so much time working in Vegas, it's so rare to be in town without being "on the clock" and I plan to use this as a good ol' drinking vacation. Lead, follow, or get the fuck out of my way to the bar.

Two other bits of advice from the experts. Otis dropped this classic line on me one year when things slid sideways in a hurry. Raging solo.

Redemption in Raging Solo

In Vegas, one's opportunity for a solo rage is ubiquitous. For as long as he wants or as long as he can stand, he can prop himself up on the shoulders of friends. And when he is ready, he can step out into the dry air, blink at the lights, and start to walk. Where he stops--if he stops--is of little consequence. What matters is that he rages solo. It need not be a trip-long or even night-long event. It can last as long or short as he wants. It can be sober or drunk. It can start at one end of the strip and end at the other or it can start on one side of the street and be only bound by a crosswalk. What matters is the rage. It can cost $1,000 or $1. It just doesn't matter.

Raging solo--define it as you like--is the key. At the end is redemption. And with redemption comes a whole new way of looking at things.

Fine advice.

Finally, the good doctor generally re-posts his "Bloggers Invading Las Vegas Tips". You can find Version 5.0 here but I'll just give you a few of the top to know, #20 is the one I heroically destroyed a few years ago.

20. Don't get rolled by a hooker.
21. Avoid hangovers. Stay drunk.
23. Don't die.

~

The (wrongly titled) Daily Crutch

Simple this time. Five of my favorite pictures from past gatherings. If you'd like a real chuckle search on WPBT on flickr.

The first and only "authorized" picture of the Blogfather from that first night at Sherwood Forest.

When playing low-limit lemur games, buy out all the $1 chips from the cage like Drizz
(photo from Bill Rini)

Otis staring down CJ at the Imperial Palace tournament, Joanada DANK in the middle
(photo from Bill Rini)

Hanging out with The Fat Guy and Poker Prof

Looking over past pictures and this one gave me the biggest surprise,we were playing in the Hard Rock charity tournament.
The always lovely Liv Boeree in the foreground

Otis put together this YouTube clip from past gatherings

A Little Link Dumping

2009-11-02T22:59:00.007-05:00

Philly 'burbs
November 2009

Hopefully anyone still reading this near empty space will not realize it took me 4 weeks to complete one monster post which I intended to be one day. Once I began getting it all down in writing I realized there was too much in those 4 short days to waste compressing. Whether anyone else agrees we'll never know. At least I got into the semi-regular pattern of writing here in the personal pages away from the paying gig across the street in poker land. I'm nowhere near to where I used to be and maybe that's for the best.

I finished up dealing with the Key West trip just in time to jump back on a damned plane to head west for Las Vegas. Some little poker tournament will be finishing up with some little poker player who keeps getting compared to Tiger Woods. What no one outside our little niche understands that this trip will have it's equal dose of good times as we only need to worry about 8 bustout hands and then we celebrate with excessive amounts of booze and bad food.

Before I head west again I realize I've been neglecting my linkage responsibilities to various sites and scenes. So consider this a last minute, possibly uber, link dump.

Speaking of uberposts, god damn it. September 13th? Bonus Code Iggy!

~

My favorite picture of the Amazon Room down to 18 Main Even players

I generally separate business and pleasure when it comes to the two blogs but I want to pass these links along since the November Nine is right around the corner. Sitting down in Key West with Spaceman and asked if he would want to contribute to a few posts handicapping the remaining players. He joined in and Riggstad came along and I think it came out well.

Poker from the Rail 2009 World Series of Poker November Nine Part 1
Poker from the Rail 2009 World Series of Poker November Nine Part 2
Poker from the Rail 2009 World Series of Poker November Nine Part 3

I also made a silly prop-bet with fellow Full Tilt blogger Michael Craig this weekend since we were both playing the 43,000 mess known as the FTOPS XIV Warmup tournament. He took time to come up with the terms and I agreed. And then won the last longer bet. Now Mr. Craig is required to play in a 2am Binion's tournament. I think Otis and I are going to go at the same time to see if we can't make this one big clusterfuck. My favorite line from his writeup.

"More important, I should be thinking twice before tangling with this Al character, especially when it comes to crazy prop bets. Al treats dignity like Phil Ivey treats money."

~

Anybody remember that annoying BBT Battle of the Bloggers thing? Yeah, don't get your hopes up. But I wanted to mention that BBT regular "katiemother" had a big score last night finishing 5th in the Sunday Brawl for a cool $28,000. "Covering" these things gets to be a bit tedious when there are 30 some chuckleheads making ridiculous plays and it took me a while to even realize she was deep in the field.

Congrats!

(I'd love to link up but her blog shows as protected from the likes of me)

~

With ESPN ripping through the WSOP Main Event the last month or so it's just a stark reminder to my first full time covering the entire series. I get little glimpses of those who were stuck sitting near me for two full months, I even saw my fat ass walk across the screen a few times. Certainly pretending to work when I was actually looking for someone to hit up the Hooker Bar in the middle of the day. It was something I'll never forget.

The good doctor has been reviewing each episode after airing. They are great recaps and you're probably reading them already, but here are the links on the off chance someone from out of the blue just joined us.

Main Event Day 8, Part 1 on ESPN - Liquidity Crisis, Mucking Winners, and Down to 18
Main Event Day 7 on ESPN - Donkeys in the Rye
Main Event Day 6.5 on ESPN - Four Heavy Hitters, Jaws of Ivey, and AngryJulie
Main Event Day 5.5 and Day 6 on ESPN - Introducing the DonkeyBomber
Main Event Day 5 on ESPN - ElkY and Happy
Main Event Day 4 on ESPN - Bubbles and the World Series of Ivey
Main Event Day 3 on ESPN - Aussies, Ivey, and No Shake for Hellmuth
Main Event Day 2B on ESPN - A Kinder and Quieter Hellmuth and the Always Aloof Ivey Time
Main Event Day 2A on ESPN - The Fossilman and Costanza Show

~

There were three people in the Amazon room on a daily basis who really had to put up with my shit for those two months. Cali Jenn, Mean Gene and Joy Miller (who was my regular Hooker Bar companion). Gene just put a post up on the UB blog with a some of the great shots he took during the series. He was always snapping, editing, correcting pictures while I was fudging with my shitty little point-and-shoot. I figure I owe the UB blog a link back anyway since I'm linked over there, and I have no idea why. They have links to Phil Hellmuth, Annie Duke, Dr. Pauly, Wicked Chops Poker..... and then me. Who knows.

Memories of Things That Just Happened

~

I challenged CK to a Suicide Pool Challenge over on ESPN for shots during the Winter Gathering in Vegas, which is going horribly for me. I'm going to owe a ton of shots. She turned around and has a pool going for the November Nine. You can join up and if you beat me she'll buy you a shot in Vegas this December. You need to get over to the "Can Al Hang? Poker Challenge" and sign up quickly since they start this Saturday. Password is "alcanthang".

On Fantasy Sports Live I was finally able to string a few decent weeks together and qualify for the Tournament of Champions. Each week there are special games called "Sundays' with Dr. Pauly" with money added and such. I'm either really really good or really really bad. Mediocrity is for the weak.

~

Only a month late in posting October's Truckin'

October 2009, Vol. 8, Issue 10

1. The Booth by Paul McGuire
A fidgety Larry had nowhere to blend in as only person sitting in a booth along the wall. The cops had to pass him on their way out and they'd know that he was fucked up. How could they not know... More

2. The Demon of Oscar Braathen's Tavern by Sigge S. Amdal
The baby wants attention and makes a horrible shrieking sound, making the hairs on my back stand up. That's exactly what you'd expect from a demon hovering above a deserted town. It's just doing what demons are supposed to be doing. But it freaks me out nevertheless... More

3. Just Lunch by Betty Underground
We're not strangers, though perhaps we should be; the span between the time when knew each other before and now, is vast. Back then, we didn't even know ourselves, and what we knew about each other was drawn with immature minds. When we first reconnected I'm sure we imagined what we thought the other had become... More

4. Danger Box by Curtis Krumel
In Mexico they have Montezuma's Revenge. In Iraq, the bane of the visitor is Saddam's Revenge. The source of the condition, like that of the Nile, is shrouded in mystery, but the effects are unmistakable.... More

5. Two Memories by Johnny Hughes
I was called in the middle of the night, when I was higher than a hawk's nest, and drunker than Cooter Brown. Joe explained the deal, and he and I both knew Jesse had a handful of warrants out, and unresolved entanglements with Texas laws... More

~

The Daily Crutch

I guess I'm a hypocrite for calling it "daily" but I think you'll like today's selection. I just happened to catch her the ol' TV the other night and recalled that she's had a few looks in her career. Just a few of Linda Cardellini's roles included stints on Freaks and Geeks, ER, and Velman in the Scooby Doo movies. I had too many pictures to chose from but I narrowed it down. A little. It was a tough job. And nothing half-assed, click to embiggen.

Apparently she vamped up Velma just a little, no complaints here

I like her as a blonde, couldn't decide between the two, went with both

Back to Key West Part 4

2009-10-29T17:26:00.002-05:00

Key West - Day 4
September 2009

For the second straight day in Key West I hit the sack in mostly decent shape. I bade a fair thee well to my drunk-mates and went back to my zebra room. We made loose plans for breakfast in the morning, promises of french toast with Godiva white chocolate sauce. Passing out was almost instantaneous.

I still can't believe I didn't snap a picture of my room, it was huge, sporting faux zebra skin rugs, and a huge elongated mask type thing that stood at least 4 feet tall. Scary as shit flipping on the light in a drunken fog to see that thing jump out of the dark. You can kind of get a view of it in the pictures here from their website.

I was pulled out of my coma by the trusty cell phone chirping away at me once again, the now common occurrence. It was the SpaceFolk just letting me know they were off on another sightseeing adventures following their breakfast. A breakfast which I once again slept through. A breakfast that saw Jason chow down on the aforementioned french toast. Fucking booze ruins lives, or so I hear. Often. Another morning down the drains but I was up and moving.

While they ran around the island looking at butterflies and 6-toed cats I was spending my birthday getting a little bit of work done. It was a fine lazy afternoon looking forward to the evening. It was our final night in town for this trip and it was still my birthday. When you turn ancient they let you celebrate longer, not knowing how many more of these might come around. We were going to have dinner with my friend Nikki before she had to work and then some respectable drinking.

The decision was made, Bagatelles on Duval Street would be the ones to provide us with our last supper. Nikki and I naturally arrive early to camp out at the bar while the SpaceFolk finish touring the island. It took me all of 5 seconds to read the menu and make my selection. Something called "Honey Fried Lobster Tail" which both Nikki and bartender highly recommended. All the locals have given it a shot.

Temura Battered Seven Ounce Lobster
served with Honey Butter and Wasabi Mash

Lock it up.

I wish I could get a picture to properly show the goodness on the plate

More food piled upon more food with an extra helping of double desert on top. It made for a very fine afternoon sitting around with friends eating great food and casual meandering conversations. It seemed no time had passed before Nikki was begging off to make it to work on time and the remaining three of us slowly crawled back to our little guest house. Not even a professional drinker on his birthday would able to turn around from that feast and jump straight into real world hardcore drinking. A little down time was required.

Before we crawled our way back into the bars, I was able to have one of those moments that you just can't make up. I made a big impression on a large group of people through no other method than being my normal bull in a china shop self.

Our guest house was haunted. That is if you believe in such things or wish to amuse yourself into paying extra money for the mere chance of seeing a disembodied spirit. I was just happy to have a place literally stumbling distance from my favorite bars. Marrero's Guest ~~House~~ Mansion (mansion? really?) even plays up the notion that some chippy is walking around in ghost form, in a town already that believes half the places haunted and New Orleans-like cemeteries. There's even a ghost tour that walks around town showing such places.

Of the 26 rooms in the house, we were the only two rooms being rented that evening. SpaceRachel was waiting patiently on the front porch for us to get our fat asses in gear, sitting quietly on the side swing. Most of the house was completely dark and I'm sure it looked an awful lot like this picture from the ghost tour site. Thinking I was holding up the entire process, I moved quickly down the hallway and burst out onto the front porch in fully-lit-up, loud-obnoxious-Al mode. Burst.

I'm sure I was quite an unexpected thing to see.

At that very moment one of the above mentioned tours just happened to be gathered around our front steps, each of the crowd facing away from the house to enjoy the tales of the tour guide in the top hat. The whole lot of them jumped out their skins and snapped around to see what the holy hell was happening. They all just stood there staring wide eyed at this abomination, like a god damned yeti just magically appeared in their presence full of tangled hair and Virginia's favorite tobacco.

It took 10 full minutes for me to explain this all to Spaceman after the fact, between the tears of laughter and remembering the look on the poor top hat guy. You just never know what you're going to see in Key West.

Tour Guide buyers beware.

Back to Key West Part 3 (The Michael Jackson Incident)

2009-10-22T13:43:00.007-05:00

Seems I have a new reader to the site. Mike g left a comment saying "More poker - less alcoholism!". Well hell son, this space has never been about that much poker, read the tag line. I'm a drunk with a poker problem. Even if I'm talking about poker I most likely am trying to run a casino out of free booze. We now return you to our previous alcoholic story already in progress.

~

Key West - Day 3
September 2009

I managed to get myself in bed nice and early Saturday night. I was forced to ignore the near constant messages from Nikki to get my ass down to the bar because she was bored. That's a dangerous combination for me, bored Nikki generally means I will get myself into all kinds of trouble. For some messed up reason I stayed true and avoided the bar. That night I managed to find the light switch and crash in relative darkness, something special for me.

There was no hiding out on Sunday though, it was the last day/night in town for the Gainesville Posse, we needed to get off our collective asses and turn in a fine drinking effort. There was no time to waste staring at the inside of my eyelids.

First order of business was "morning" mangia and we ended noshing on a nice little brunch that consisted of some fine bacon but also a public bathroom that involved (redacted) and (redacted) plus (redacted) that left Mrs. Spaceman rather out of sorts. I was disappointed I couldn't take them to my favorite spot called Panini Panini (Roast Beef, Muenster, Portobello, Green onion and Horseradish Sauce). Closed for the fall.

Afterwards the couples headed off for some island sightseeing while the 5th wheel, that would be me, made a beeline straight for the bar. It was Sunday afternoon and there were football games that weren't going to watch themselves. Many beers later (Yuengling Lager thank you very much) the boys showed up for their turn in front of the TVs. There is only so much hammock shopping any one man can take before surrendering to the call of booze and the NFL. Luckily for everyone involved I stayed away from the short shots and stuck mainly to beer flavored water.

The girls wanted to see the sunset.

I can't say I blame them, it's a nice way to kick off a night of drinking or continue a day of drinking. In all the times I've been on the island I've seen the sun come up a lot more then it going down. Priorities and all. They beat me to Sunset Pier to squat us a nice spot near the rail for the festivities. I arrived just in time to chug a few rum-soaked cocktails with the gang and the show was on. As captured via iPhone.

Pablo, Gracie, Jason and Rachel prepare for the sunset with tasty beverages

Still trying to figure out why I ever leave this place

Pirates!

Prepare to be boarded, aaarrrr

Isn't that all nice and pretty? It's never easy to pull yourself away from the the pier when it starts like this and everyone is getting nicely lubricated. SpaceRach was jamming along with the talent as they played some ~~funk~~ R&B, we ate ourselves full of fresh seafood, Gracie was documenting it all via her iPhone technologies. But nothing lasts forever, no sense spending their last night in town at one place. Spontaneous pub crawling.

At Reloaded, drinks and shots.

At Irish Kevin's, drinks and shots and some pretty damned entertaining music. The SpaceFolk's first foray into one of the biggest bars on the island. We found ourselves a nice comfy spot at the end of the bar to keep the beers flowing and a good place to watch the crowd. There might have been some sing-a-longs here and there. Jason made friends with the Tennessee native on guitar and after we each dumped a fin in the tip bucket had our own private song request time.

At Teasers, the upscale strip club. No shots or beers. Or lapdances for that matter. We once again walked past the place of legend, the establishment that has taken more of my money than all the poker players combined and even a few well positioned girls of the past.

At Cowboy Bill's, we hit our pace. It was getting close to some mysterious time where I would magically jump forward another year in age. Even Madame Spaceman decided to knock back some shots. Why did no one ever tell me they have a vodka now that tastes exactly like Sweet Tea? I think Mrs. Spaceman's new favorite shot has gone from Soco Lime to chilled Sweet Tea vodka. There was a decent shot she would have finished off a bottle on her own if we hadn't left the bar.

Then Gracie, Pablo and Jason were also lifting shots once the clock ran past midnight along with just about everyone else at the bar. I like to conjugate my drinking. I drink, you drink, he drinks, she drinks, we all drink. Cheers. I soon found the past participle version of the word, "drunk".

"I'll do another shot with you IF we can go get pizza when we're done here" proclaimed Mrs. Spaceman. That would be a great way to end of the evening. Everyone would make it back to their haunted room in decent shape with a belly full of mostly edible pizza. But every good drinking night has a moment when things make that turn from ordinary to silly.

I am willing to spend a lot of my well earned money to keep The Spaceman from posting a certain video.

You see it was like this. The best pizza place open was further up Duval St away from our house. It was right next to one of the popular gay night clubs. I was wearing a shirt that said "Free Range Cock". I was drunk and Michael Jackson was coming out of the speakers. There might have been some dancing and Moon Walking. Did I mention I was drunk?

"No, my Blackberry doesn't take video. I'm just taking a picture" is how the Spaceman bluffed me on the river. I believed him and there now exists a video that I pray never makes it out on the webs. I make a living out of embarrassing myself and this one I knocked out of the park.

Yet another in a long string of birthdays that I'll never forget thanks to friends and their willingness to join me on insanity driven quests.

Back to Key West Part 2

2009-10-14T18:50:00.003-05:00

Key West - Slow Day 2
September 2009

I neglected to mention in the Day 1 post about the last thing I do remember. Since we were staying in a guest house we were provided with two sets of keys. One to the front door of the house and one to our room. I remember staggering down Fleming Street and up the front steps of the house, but the key wouldn't work. I tried and tried to no avail. Somehow it occurred to me, assuming the ghost of Marrero's called me because all reason had left my body, that I was trying to gain entrance into the wrong residence. A private home, definitely not my resting place.

Thank god they didn't leave their door unlocked or the missus might have gotten herself a little early morning surprise.

I really had no damned idea how badly I had beaten myself up over the last half month until my ass hit the bed sometime that Saturday morning. Two solid weeks working at the Borgata was 100 times worse than the two months at the WSOP plus only a few minutes of sleep from Thursday morning until sunrise Saturday. My ass dropped like a rock the moment I found my actual house/room and didn't wake for many many hours. I awoke to odd sounds in the hallway and every light in my room blazing brightly. Luckily my travel mates were aware enough to let my poor worn out body lie in state, only when it was time to walk towards the sunset and decent food was I lightly nudged from my slumber.

And then the sunset blew donkey balls.

That's some tough shit to do in the Keys but we managed to find the one cloudless, boring sunset in all of Florida. Some brilliant mind in our group made the wise decision to throw up the white flag and beat the crowds to grubbage. Red Fish Blue Fish is located just outside of Mallory Square and they were the beneficiary of our hard earned food monies. Seafood as far as the eye could see with just a little bacon running through my big bowl of pasta. I tried to freak people out on twitter but only caught Katie unawares when I twatted, "Eating fried Dolphin with SpaceFolk and Gainesville Posse". Fresh fried dolphin is fantastic with proper preparation and a little butter.

I'm pretty sure this was Mrs. Spaceman's first of two dozens slabs of Key Lime Pie. By the end of the trip she would be an expert having tasted 99% of the pie on the island. Mayhaps a slight exaggeration.

A belly full of great food and a head satisfied with a dinner with friends, it only seemed natural to walk it all off. Shops and bars as far as the eye can see from that end of Duval Street to our house, plenty of places for the women-folk to be distracted by shiny objects. Saturday night in one of the countries great adult playgrounds, it was time to get down to some serious partying. Drink until the sunrise, pour shots into tiny college girls until their micro-shorts popped off, maybe take home a bartender or two.

What really happened that quiet evening? We pulled up a table on the front porch of our little haunted house and threw chips around with a little low-limit PLO action. It was such a low-key relaxing time, we barely put a dent in the handle of SoCo between Pablo and myself. I dumped the most of any of use when Sweet Sweet Pablo went on a "catchin' quads like it's my job" kind of heater. My phone kept chirping with locals trying to tempt me away from the house into some debauchery but I was having none of it.

Good food, good friends, and ~~good~~ craptastic poker was the order of the day.

Back to Key West

2009-10-08T13:57:00.002-05:00

I think I've finally worked out why the words don't flow here as freely as they did back in the "golden oldie" days of my past. It used to be near daily posts of my crazy life of drinking and being a huge chucklehead. Those were the days when I worked a real job and the nights at the bar born from frustration. Don't take that to mean my days/nights of being the dumbest fuck on the block are behind me, I just don't find myself in the position of proactive drinking. I no longer indulge to deal with the next day's insanity. Now it's just for fun (and sometimes new work requirements).

I have no idea where this particular piece of banality is heading but it very well may end up a spewage of Iggy-proportions. Uber-post as opposed to tiny size.

Two years ago I hit a milestone birthday dragging a shit-ton of my friends south to Key West to celebrate. There was much drinking, gambling, lap dancing and lap dancing. Bar tours up and down Duval Street and more then enough embarrassing pictures to last a lifetime. That is one trip that can never be duplicated. Last year my birthday rolled around and I throw what might be the very last "Bash at the Boathouse" where even more friends showed up. Another party that will most likely ruin any future attempts I make and running that mess.

This year's birthday came around and things were much more mellow. After spending most of the summer in Vegas with a mass of degenerates I was ready to just chill the fuck out. I knew last winter I would be kicking back in Key West once again but nothing major, no big plans or anything that would be appended with -fest. I told a few close friends to trek down if they were so inclined but no massive blowout of liver and soul. In the end it was a pleasure to tool around my favorite little drinking town as a fifth wheel to Mr. and Mrs. Gracie/Pablo plus the fine SpaceFolk.

It was only a few short days but I'm going to hit on details from every day if possible. That much booze does not bode well.

My new motto, fuck spell and grammar check!

~

Key West - Another Day 1
September 2009

Two long god damn weeks spent at the Borgata, 13 days too long and I was ready to roll south. I was so going so crazy that I completely whiffed on making even the most basic plans for Key West even though I was scheduled to leave the morning after the Borgata champ was crowned. Luckily for me Gracie stepped up and made some boarding arrangements leaving me to just somehow fly my ass down there at the last minute. Obviously I was successful.

The Borgata champ was crowned that Thursday evening followed by the requisite drinking with the staff at the B-Bar. I still had my room for that evening but my flight was booked for Friday morning. That meant I needed to get from AC to my parents homestead outside of Philly, swap out my "cold weather gear" for nothing but shorts, arrange a cab picked up at sunrise to the boonies, and maybe find 60 minutes in there to sleep off the dozen shots from the B-Bar courtesy of Stefanelli. Luckily I have some skills when it comes to last minute travel plans and found myself chain-smoking outside PHL airport with plenty of time to spare.

2 hours of flying plus another 4 hours of driving from Fort Lauderdale to Key West riding shotgun with the Spaceman. That's a fine way to begin a vacation. Between the two of us we can find enough to bull shit about to make that drive a few times. Soon we crossed the 1000th bridge and were finally "wheels down" on Key West. Like three good degenerates we checked into our rooms at the guest house and made our way to the bar awaiting the arrival of Gracie and Sweet Sweet Pablo.

That gave us plenty of time to weave more tales and to get them introduced to a few of my friends in Happy Town. Haylee the Bartender was serving the drinks and two good old boys from Southland were secondary stage. "Freebird for $25" was the sign propped on the drum kit, I might have paid it if the BoyGenius were in town. The SpaceFolk were told past tales and they never blinked.

The first night of drinking was ready to kick off when Gracie and Pablo tracked us down and we were joined by Key West friend Nikki. She would be more than happy to play the part of bar tour manager. And off we went.

Happy SpaceFolk with Gracie, Pablo, Nikki and a (soon to be) drunken lunatic

First stop was (in)famous The Bull, The Whistle and The Garden of Eden. Three seperate bars on the three different floors. Psuedo karaoke on floor number one (meh), pool tables and Duval St balcony on the second floor (very nice), clothing optional bar on the roof (natch). We weren't exactly there at the optimum time, the top shelf stripper use the bar for sunning themselves during the day. At night you sometimes get what we saw. Several pudgy men running around in various states of undress. I tried to make it up to the crew by getting several young women to flash their goodies but it was time to roll. Then the first bit of craziness of the night.

I was seperated from the herd with Nikki to settle up the bartab where there was a big commotion behind us. We turned in time to witness a couple burly bouncers carrying a semi-nekkid reveler from the roof top bar. His lack of proper clothing did nothing to slow the man down from fighting the behemoths. It's a good four long flights of stairs to make the street so this guy had a lot to lose in the deal. A third bouncer came over for the assist and they dragged that dirty old man away and he disappeared into the night. That left us all wondering the rest of the evening, what exactly do you need to do to get physically kicked out of a place that "open" to all forms of deviant behavior?

Before I know what's happening I find myself in the back of a club and handing a stack of 20's to Nikki, she was replacing them with bricks of singles. I suppose I was in a strip club of some sort. Just as quick as that, I was back on the street looking for another bar. I think we spent a total of 10 minutes in there with barely a glance at the female form. Things started sliding sideways in a hurry courtesy of my empty stomach and weak will.

I can't really tell you how many bars we hit up after that, or who was along the entire way. I know there are some pretty interesting pictures of "body shots" at Cowboy Bill's. I know somewhere along the line Nikki took this picture of me, couldn't begin to tell you which bar but I think Spaceman and Pablo were still alive and kicking. I know I eventually made my way back up to Cowboy Bill's Big Ranch and stayed well past closing. That last one I don't remember, but I was told a few days later that a new acquaintance saw me holding up the wall around 5am.

There are a lot of big empty spots in my memory from that first evening. But I do remember kicking off a great weekend with an epic bender that involved plenty of booze (Gracie doing multiple shots!), unexpected female nudity, a drunk nekkid man getting shit kicked to the curb, body shots, new friends, old friends and more fun to remember.

~

When I started writing this particular account of my year on the road, I thought for sure I could fit it entirely into one big post. I overshot that by a ton. One day, one post. Let's see if I can get through it this way. Forcing the words out of the twisted wreckage of my memory. Back tomorrow with Day 2 and Day 3.

Maybe.

Running Like a God

2009-09-17T23:59:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I really wish I had Pauly's case of insomnia. I'd probably find much more time to actually write something meaningful and it might even tweak something inside of me to get something out there with even a little substance. In reality I couldn't function on Pauly's amount of sleep and in the end, no one really gives a rat's ass what I post as long as there are nekkid chicks at the end. Heads up to those readers, no girls today.

I've been stuck in quicksand for the last 5 days, aka the media table at the 2009 Borgata Poker Open. Compared to the WSOP, the hours are just as long but the players are 100 times more anonymous and annoying. On Friday or Saturday there were two fights amongst players with one guy getting a cup of coffee thrown in the his face. We had a complete douchebag get so cheesed off for losing in the $1k NLHE tournament that he entered the Ladies Event (legally nothing to stop him) and winning the whole damn thing. That caused us a bunch of hassle to figure out exactly how to handle it from a PR perspective. Thank god I wasn't assigned to cover that event, I might not have made it through the day with my job.

Once we're done in the wee hours of the morning, my first and only move is up to my room to pass out for a few hours. Very little time has been spent in a proper nurturing bar environment. I did get to spend sometime in the Gypsy Bar when my friend's band played Friday evening. I took some quick "breaks" early to lubricate and was feeling pretty damned good when I was cut. I ran into one of those situations that only happen to drunks like me. Pauly has his Existential Conversations with Strippers but I had a conversation that could have gotten me all jammed the fuck up.

~

The band was done and ready to drink. The big upside to them getting the A shift in the Gypsy Bar instead of going last. Then they'd deal with drunk Jersey boys in graphic tees and have much less time for imbibment (copyright pending). I caught their last few songs standing at the bar when an extremely drunk but midly attractive girl recognizes me from a previous booze encounter. We threw back a shot and she introduced me to her friend, a definite step up the scale. She was probably very near the ceiling of "girls in my league", which makes automatic adjustment for the subjects alcohol consumption, tolerance, and self-esteem. As Jim likes to say, "Don't outkick your coverage."

This one seemed to hit the sweet spot, hotter than what I should be able to pull yet tipsy and self-conscious. I was drawing to the nuts.

We smoked and talked. Watched the smarmy act smarmy. Making fun of her drunk friend dancing around the room to music not suited for that activity. We discussed our favorite food, restaurant category. She even went so far as to ask for my number since she'd be down the shore for another week, maybe hit up Bobby Flay's or Wolfgang Puck's or some other pretentious establishment. Things were looking very interesting for the very short very near future.

Thanks to the liberal, lung-hugging, socialist, communist, fascist, goose stepping laws on smoking, we were forced outside the bar for our nicotine fix. With each trip outside she would stand just a little closer, not touching but closer. I was able to get a better appreciation for the freckles bridging her nose. She leaned in to whisper to me, like we were still in the ear splitting rock club. "Do you want to go up to your room and party? I like anything. Weed, coke, E. Really just wanna get high and have fun."

Not exactly what I wanted to hear. I'm all for partying like the world ends tomorrow, I just don't happen to do or have any of those things. It's not that I'm some prudish conservative, bible-thumping, jesus-saves straight edge. My only three vices happen to be booze, bacon, and nicotine. I sure hoped this wasn't a deal breaker. "Nah, sorry. I'm strictly a booze hound. There's always the wet bar."

"That's no problem," she said, "We should get inside to see how Drunky McDrunk is doing". Name obviously changed.

Inside she excused herself to hit the little girls room.

And I never saw her again. Not in the bar, not in the casino, nary a call or text message for that visit to Old Homestead.

I continued to babysit the drunk friend as she went on a streak of striking out with the locals gold chain wife beater crowd. It was an impressive run of rejection previously only seen when I was in my prime. She couldn't reach my previously amorous friend on the phone and very slowly began to sober up. We talked about all kinds of things but I mentioned that I found her friend interesting, it was just too bad she bailed.

McDrunk stopped to look me in the eyes, in that way only drunk people can when they are on the verge of complete unvarnished honesty. "Did she ask you to go up to your room to party? I hope not." I nodded and said I just think she was really drunk, looking to have a good time that I couldn't provide. She shook her head and let out a string of impressive cursing.

"You don't understand. She didn't drink all night. She was sober and she's a cop. She gets off busting guys with drugs, she thinks it's funny. She wouldn't have arrested you, but you wouldn't have known that for awhile."

Well fuck my life, I run like a god.

Other Side of the Binge

2009-09-08T13:58:00.007-05:00

Well it was fun while it lasted, I did my best to soak as much out of it as possible. While not necessarily taking the time off, I didn't exactly exert myself to the maximum over the last month. I took my foot off the pedal during August for a little time to chill and recharge the batteries. Starting tomorrow it all ends and I go back to trying to suck every bit of pseudo-creative juice out of my amateur brain. Tomorrow starts the journey for the rest of my year starting with 2 weeks at the Borgata.

My August also meant I spent a lot of time away from booze and bars. Most of my time was spent wrapped up with a not-too-cuddly Kindle ripping through several books a week and putting stuff in my head instead of spewing non-sense from it. It also seems I might have put a dramatic dent in my alcohol tolerance. Last Wednesday turned into one of Top 5 Benders of my life and only the second biggest unintentional right after that little night were I got the AlCantHang nickname. And it all started innocently enough with a fantasy football draft.

Most of the night I can't even really explain to anyone. It started in the early afternoon sitting at the Boathouse getting ready for the draft and enjoying a few SoCo's. After everything was done and catching a ride home with Landow I made a decision that cost me some worldly possessions, money in the long run, and a shit load of dignity. I told him to drop me off at another bar, a few drinks instead of heading back to Eva's so "early". Things went drunk and sideways in a hurry.

In my tiny little town, it's not very often you run into a World Series of Poker bracelet holder. My half-drunk ass walked into the local pub to find Brian Lemke sitting at the bar with a few friends. Drinks and drinks and shots and drinks mixed with some alleged karaoke and some bad C-game flirting.

Then I woke up on the sidewalk a block from Eva's with shattered glasses, shredded skin, and a big knot on my head.

Then I woke up on her front steps, same condition but a little muddier than before.

Then I woke up 24 hours later fully clothed in bed.

Fading in out of sanity I sort of piece together enough memories to realize that somewhere in the world was a shatter pair of glasses, but I had a sick feeling my life (aka the laptop) never made it with me. I staggered downstairs trying my best to keep upright and locate it. No joy. The only upside to the entire incident was being "smart" enough to leave it at the bar instead of losing it on the mile walk home. Add that to the list of good things about being a regular, when you leave your expensive shit at the bar they hold it for you.

My arms and legs look like they went to battle with a cheese grater. I somehow managed a nice little scrape on my eyelid, figure that one out. I dropped huge bucks on replacement eye wear and had to go designer because I'm an idiot. Don't let this happen to you.

I'm just a regular Public Service Announcement for the evils of alcohol. Just keep that in mind next time you think the rock star living is full of strippers and high class hooch. Sometimes it's face down in the street.

~

I mentioned last week, and it was confirmed this week, that I'll playing this year on Fantasy Sports Live in the weekly series Sunday's with Dr. Pauly. Piece of cake to enter and even easier to beat my score. I'm not remotely good at the game. There's a ton of added money and bonuses at the end. You can check out the writeup here for the full story. See you there.

"FantasySportsLive.com is proud to announce our annual Sunday's With Dr. Pauly promotion with $750 in free bonus cash added. Compete at fantasy football against one of the top gaming bloggers in the country, Dr. Pauly, and earn some free cash for your efforts. Last year Dr. Pauly had a rough time and it was pretty easy to get bonus cash with about 25 different winners. This year we expect him to snap back, and make it a bit more profitable for those out there who can consistently beat his score. Simply enter weekly $11 fantasy football leagues named "Sundays w/Dr Pauly" and compete for all of the free bonus cash shown below in addition to our normal 91% and higher cash prize payouts."

Speaking of the good Doctor, he just released the latest version of Truckin'.

Enjoy!

September 2009, Vol. 8, Issue 9

1. Tangerine Rockets by Paul McGuire
Lennie was an international legend. His father walked away from a plane crash and passed along some of those good luck genes over to Lennie.... More

2. The Red Pill by Sigge S. Amdal
She dropped the face and began to cry, as tensions rose around me. The waiters stopped waiting tables, people stopped talking; they were just exchanging knowing glances and judgmental comments... More

3. Fine Tuning by Milton T. Burton
He looked perplexed. I slipped my hand beneath my coat, came out with the little silenced .22 Magnum auto, and shot him right in the center of the forehead. The hollow-point bullet exited the back of his skull, making a colorful little jet of blood and brains as it went... More

4. On Scoring by Human Head
One look at the eyeliner, eyebrows, gold hoops and herringbone chains, and I knew this was the Angel we were supposed to see. As she drew closer to the door, the tattoo's left little doubt. She didn't say anything. She just looked at me... More

5. The Joys of Gambling by Johnny Hughes
Saratoga Springs, New York in August was the gambling capital of America in the 1920s, with the horses, the spa waters, large and ornate casinos, and America's wealthiest citizens in a gilded age, when money and wine were treated like water... More

~

The Daily Crutch

I'm putting another pause in posting the new girls of 2010 TV for another little time. Tomorrow morning (9/9/09) I head down to the Borgata to help cover the Borgata Poker Open. Two weeks covering tournaments on this side of the coast may be a piece of cake after 50 days of the WSOP. I'll be down there with riggstad and Gorilla, also joining us with a daily writeup will be the always lovely Lacey Jones.

In her honor I give you 5 Random Lacey pictures.

You can find us all blogging for the next two weeks on the Borgata Poker Blog.

You can get the Borgata Poker Open schedule here.

Happy Feet, Football, and a Classic

2009-08-31T13:30:00.003-05:00

I can usually tell when my brain/soul/system has healed itself. It's when I start looking at travel websites on a regular basis and keep double checking my frequent flyer account. Time for the happy feet to kick in. It took a couple weeks but I'm fully recovered not only from 2 months in Las Vegas but the preceding 4 months of travel and debuachery also. I've basically lived out of a bag since February and that gets to be a drag. I've now spent a month with my ass firmly planted in the same place, for the most part. Life almost feels normal.

That's why it's time to pick up and move again. Normal is for old, boring, married, parental, properly employeed, socially responsible individuals. That is most definitely nothing I'm not interested in. Would you believe I've only put my body through a couple hardcore drinking benders since leaving Sin City? It's unthinkable. Only plans written in absolute stone are the Borgata for their Poker Open, Las Vegas for the November Nine and Las Vegas for the Blogger gathering. I'm working out the rest of my year but it should be pretty solid.

It's been good to get my feet back under me. A little stability and home cooking is good for the soul.

~

The man is trying to put me down! I'm actually suprised it took this long for YouTube to come after me. I put up a video from Cowboy Bill's in Key West showing a bunch of girls riding the mechnical bull, a few sans clothing. I took the video while I was spending more time concentrating on "judging" the competition but caught a decent video.

Someone eventually flagged the video and it's been banned. Via YouTube notice:

Most nudity is not allowed on YouTube, particularly if it is in a sexual context. Videos that are intended to be sexually provocative are also generally not acceptable for YouTube. There are exceptions for some educational, documentary and scientific content, but only if that is the sole purpose of the video and it is not sexually gratuitous.

I think the nudity fell under all three categories of "educational, documentary and scientific content". I've been looking around and it looks like Google Video no longer allows uploads so I put it up on Yahoo Video. I'm sure it will last at least a week. Not Safe for Work, as if you needed the warning.

Bull Riding at Cowboy Bill's Key West @ Yahoo! Video

RSS reader may need to click here

~

The football season is almost upon us. The NFL and college games are right around the corner. Spouses are getting pissed off as their counterparts head to all night fantasy football drafts, online bookie accounts are getting reloaded, pools are being formed and busted. This year I'm keeping it simple. Only one midly competitive FFL league, a few pools, and weekly games at Fantasy Sports Live.

Challenge CK !!! - ESPN Elimination Challenge
Password: BWOP
beat CK and get a free shot in December at the Geisha Bar

Fantasy Sports Live - Weekly fantasy football challenge. I'm sure there will be a Battle of the Blogger type challenge as well as Sunday's with Dr. Pauly again. I ran really well in the early going last year but ran out of steam near the end. Great way to get a fantasy football fix with a twist each week.

~

The Daily Crutch

Just like an expensive attorney, I work my ass off at the real job so that I can bring my readers back here a little pro-bono boob work. I'm sure there's a prize wating for me in heaven. Or hell. Probably hell.

I had a choice of doing a half-assed post with 5 of the girls you can see in the new TV series to followup after the last post of girls that are gone baby gone. Instead I will postpone it for my next post and give you a classic. Going through the years of Two and a Half Men I was reaquainted with the lovely Heather Locklear and found some goodies. My favorite is the first one.

As an old fart, the natural progression was to also find pictures of another Heather who was young and popular at the same time. A couple of Heather Thomas also. There is a poster, another poster, and of course ZAPPED!

I couldn't pick one picture out of the smaller remaining older ones
You get them all because I'm an indecisive bastard

Random randomness

2009-08-27T11:45:00.004-05:00

I'm going to be all over the map on this one. Just figured I'd throw up a post since there were a few different things I wanted to get out there. Of course I'll have girls at the bottom of the post if you'd like to jump ahead. Try to come back when you finish cleaning up.

My psuedo tilt lasted all of two days before I got my shit together and chilled the fuck out. I'm not used to get all fired up in the head over nothing, it was so bad I actually went on a walk for a few miles. Yeah, it was bad enough that I voluntarily excercised. Thank god I'm straightened out. Excercise would be a bad habit to get into. I'm just spending my days in the old hometown preparing for the rest of the year on the road. It's good to get some home cooking in my system before living out of a suitcase for the last three months of the year.

(Thanks to BamBam for sending me this tilt-reversing pic that is NOT SAFE FOR WORK)

~

There are serious situations going on around with a few poker bloggers that are tough situations and heartbreaking.

I've been following Dave over at Mondogarage as he's been dealing with his wife's sudden and very serious pnuemonia. It came on all of a sudden after vacation and they've been dealing with some bad times. I quietly track the progress back and forth on Facebook but it seems she had a set back last night. Send your happy vibes and good wishes to them both.

LJ's cousin could use your help beyond thoughts. Mitchell Brown was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in April but did not respond to chemotherapy. He is stem cell transplant in order to survive the disease. Even if you aren't a match, I strongly suggest you have yourself tested and entered into the database. You never know when you might be able to save another's life. I've been in the database for several years and it's easier than giving blood. All the information is listed on his website.

~

August 2009, Vol. 8, Issue 8

1. Modigliani by Paul McGuire
Rafi handed me $25. The $20 bill was crisp, but the five singles were wrinkled. One of them had the eyes of George Washington blacked out by a pen... More

2. Locust Swarm of One by Sigge S. Amdal
Bright light stung his eyes like an impenetrable carpet of white needles. He winked to dull the eyeball itch, trying to carve out some detail in the white dark. Was it completely clear or clearly a blizzard, he wondered, as everything outside the windows just displayed the distinct sharpness of a void?... More

3. Top of the World by Katitude
The road twisted and curled around the mountains with no guardrails to soothe my fear of heights, and my bike was not handling well at all. The street bike, with the tires that already had a major trip's worth of wear on them, was not made for this kind of terrain. The weight of camping gear raised the center of gravity and with every curve I thought I could feel the rear tire slide a bit... More

4. Maui Rescue by Michael Friedman
I had heard numerous horror stories about unsuspecting people being robbed on the side of highways by people they thought were going to help them. My heart almost pounded out of my chest when two 300-plus-pound Hawaiians got out of the small truck... More

5. Fish Store by Arthur Rosch
He gunned the motorcycle. He turned the amplifier all the way up and thwanged a huge chord. He was going to accelerate into the swimming pool, electrocute, overdose and drown himself all at the same time. Someone would find his corpse in the next couple weeks, sitting there at the bottom of the pool on his Harley, with his Claxton Wanko guitar strapped around his shoulder, his Boogie Amp short-circuited, his blood full of dope... More

~

Just having a little fun with the roverly CK yesterday, I decided to run a little NFL ~~Suicide~~ Elimination Pool on ESPN that's open to everyone. She twitted/twatted/tweeted that she was NOT going to do a ~~suicide~~ elimination pool because she was much much much too busy. It took me about 30 seconds to setup the page on ESPN and issue the challenge. After a little hemming and hawing, she accepted.

So can you beat CK at the Suicide Pool? At stake is a shot on my tab in Vegas this December, I'm assuming the Geisha bar or some other gathering place. Her incentive is that I'm buying her a shot for everyone she outlasts. Either way, there's going to be plenty of drinking going on. Feel free to join up.

ESPN Elimination - Challenge CK !!!
Password = BWOP

~

The Daily Crutch

It's been awhile since I've posted any orginal pictures and I don't suspect many will be complaining. I just haven't pulled out the point and shoot in quite some time. Two days in AC and it never left my bag. My time was split almost equally between the poker room and B-Bar booze-a-torium.

It occurred to me the other day I was going to be missing several shows this September when the reruns are done. Of course that means some amazing women will also be gone. Just to egg on Master Julius_Goat, I'll start with my favorite missing girl. Not even from a missing series. Brea Grant followed by a few other girls. Enjoy.

"Granted" the show (Hereos) wasn't cancelledbut she was wacked from the show much to the delight of Julius_Goat
I liked her but unable to find many quality large pics
I might pay good money for better copies of this one and this one

(It was a tough call between that pic and this one)
Summer Glau made it twice as long on the Terminator series then FireflyHere's hoping she gets another series quickly
Another one with some low quality images, but I like her flexibility
Update: You can thank me later (Summer Glau joins Dollhouse!)

Sarah Shahi played an alcoholic hot cop who looked great in a t-shirt on LifeOf course I watched the show
Apparently also spent some time playing for the other team on The L-Word

So many shows I missed along the way, Reaper is one of the them
Missy Peregrym makes me sad that I missed it now(bonus, bonus, annnnd bonus)
Landow and BigMike tell me she was also in the greatest movie ever, Stick It!

I didn't watch Without a Trace over the last few years (am I personally responsible for it getting canned?) but I remember Poppy the Aussie
She was nice enough to pose for this NSFW pic, this semi-SFW pic, and the now regular BadBlood butt bonusAnd she's got freckles!

The Anger Crutch

2009-08-25T12:00:00.008-05:00

Yesterday was an odd one for me. It's a rare day for me that's full of unfocused rage. I was an angry puppy all afternoon for no apparent reason. There were a few things that began to irritate me but no single event set my eyes red. I generally consider myself a pretty mild mannered individual but yesterday I set myself upon a course that had me stringing together a run of curses and vulgarities that would impress if anyone was around to witness.

But it all comes around to benefitting my remaining readers, because I came up with a new Daily Crutch out of it.

My stress relief and anger management consisted of ordering an extra large cheesesteak (provolone and friend onions), shutting down all web browsers (multiple because they all suck goats for different reasons), and firing up a maraton of Two and a Half Men. I recently "obtained" seasons 1 and 2 after watching over the last few years. It occurred to me that they have had quite the string of girls funneling through their sets. So below I bring you just a few of the girls I've come across while completely wasting time.

My apologies for the completely useless post but you're free to go somewhere else while I work this out. I hope someone enjoys my efforts at anger managment.

It's also tilt reducing to spend a few hours googling girls. Something to keep in mind for later.

The Daily (Anger-reducing) Crutch

I avoided most of the girls most know about from the series. Jenny McCarthy is no where to be found in the pics below. You won't see the girl who plays Rose even though she is one of my favorites (junk meet trunk. or junk MEAT trunk). I also didn't go after Denise Richards, Jeri Ryan, or Cloris Leachman. You can thank me later. I grabbed a few you might not have known or noticed.

For instance, did you know that Megan Fox showed up in the first season dressed in a nice little bikini? You're welcome. The rest come after.

Here's some brand-new techno tilt. I can get all the pictures to load EXCEPT the god damn Megan Fox pictures. I'm keeping it here on the off chance I can fix this shit. Postal coming soon.

I rarely post these "compilation" pics, but this one is worth itMost know her looking like this in Transformers,some know of this pic from an upcoming movie (mildly NSFW due to boob tape)

Kelly Stables was tougher to find then expected,cute and tiny but very few quality pictures across the web
Screen caps here, here

Bet ya didn't know Krista Allen was in an episode, Queen of the Emmanuelle Series
Bonus and BadBlood butt bonus

Emmanuelle Vaugier, enough said

Unbelievable that April Bowlby would ever be the girlfriend of Jon Cryer's character,but a nice long stint on the series
Of course Two and a Half Men is not known for sublty, really

More Road Trippin

2009-08-18T10:50:00.005-05:00

Fun times over the last week or so. My boy Brad was back east for his summer trip/birthday visit and we did it up proper over a few nights. Old school drinking in some of the places we used to haunt back in the days when I was just a young rookie booze hound sniffing around the girls and watching bands. We ran into friends we hadn't seen in awhile and made new friends around town. For those who don't follow on twitter, there was a new friend who received a fine reaction from the Facebook world.

There was even a day when a little minute decision was made to hop a car ride down to Ocean City, MD. The land of many crazy nights where we were competely socially irresponsible. Should have been arrested many times over for crimes against humanity and sanity. Sleazy bars or clubs full of bikinis, it made no difference as long as we could get ourselves deep into a bottle and rip through a few packs of smokes. It was a summer town of bands and girls and one non-stop party. The Purple Moose, Dutch Bar, Big Kahuna, Seacrets and Scandals (unforunately long dead rock club). It was good to get back and remember those times. We even threw in some prep betting for drinks with skee ball and Keno.

I'm trying to figure a way to spend a few weeks down there before making my way south for the winter again.

~

The rest of my time has been spent making travel and living plans. I have about another month in my home town before heading to the Borgata for their WPT event. After that I have my time split between Key West and Las Vegas again. I'll be in Vegas for both the November Nine coverage and the WPBT drink-together in December. There are side trips to Pittsburgh, Aruba, and Europe that are in serious consideration.

I'm always on the lookout for new places to visit or live. My fallback option is to spend the winter in Key West, not exactly a "worse" case scenario.

~

The Daily Crutch

Naturally with all this down time I've taken myself back into the dirty depths of the internet for the good of my remaining "readers". I haven't watched much TV this summer since 8 weeks of that was spent either in the Amazon Room, sitting at the hooker bar, or passed out because of both. There are a few shows that I'm catching up with and there are some pretty decent examples of the female form on the small screen. Topping the list is Christina Hendricks, I had no idea she was in this new show Mad Men. I've never seen the show but I like seeing more pictures of her pop up. I first saw her in Firefly and a little bit in Life.

The rest are here for your enjoyment. I know for sure that I missed a ton, comments are welcome and I'll put them up.

Christina Hendricks, I just LOVE curvy red heads, may have to do an entire redhead Daily Crutch later

Natalia Cigliuti from Raising the Bar, here's yet another pic of the cutie

Autumn Reeser, the new girl on Entourage

Maggie Lawson from Psych, wish I could find a better picture

Jill Wagner is the hostess of that silly Wipeout show that no one can stop watching

2009 WPBT Winter Classic

2009-08-11T12:45:00.002-05:00

Plenty of talk going around about the blogger round up in Vegas this December. I'm sure I'll be there. The last few years I've flip-flopped about whether to go or not but this time I know it'll happen. I'm just having a real hard time getting myself all wound up about it since it's only been a few weeks since I flew out of McCarran.

Texass April has all the details about the poker tournament, the combo platter of CK and BamBam are setting up a little golf action, and the MGM mix games are set to go. There will be cowboys and dog riding monkeys. While this is all going down, you can most likely find me sitting at the nearest bar.

2009 WPBT Winter Classic
When: December 12th, 15:00ET
Where: Caesar's Palace
Buyin: TBD

If you've never attended one of these, I definitely suggest you give it a try. Grab someone you've never met and drag them off to a bar to bullshit for as long as you can. There are few chances to hang with the concentration of degenerate poker players who have enough self importance (hand up) to put their ramblings online for all to see.

Book it now and make the trip.

I'll probably take the opportunity to spend a little time on the left coast after the weekend. I haven't been to Los Angeles since the infamous Playboy Mansion trip, I love San Diego, then it's just a short hop across the ocean to Fiji. A guy can always dream. I'm always open to options if anyone has suggestions.

~

Last and final word on BBT4. The FTP points have finally been paid out to places 6 through 20 on the BBT4 Leaderboard. I've double checked around and everything seems to be done. Please double check and let me know. The following players should have 25,000 extra points in their accounts.

ElSnarfGrande
BuddyDank
lightning36
smokkee
NewinNov
TheCloserX5
Joanne1111
iaatg6296
Bone_Daddy84
hoyazo
columbo
DDionysus
NumbBono
SmBoatDrinks
twoblackaces

~

The Daily Crutch

When I finally made my escape from Las Vegas, it was just a few short hours before I hopped a train south from Philly to Washington, DC. There were a bunch of pokerin' type people in town to lobby and meet with law makers to support the online poker industry. I went down after all the important stuff was done to do a little site seeing and drinking. One evening I headed out with Cali Jenn to see the monuments at night. The next night was spent drinking with Jenn, Michalski, and Katie at a bar that served sloppy-joe sliders and the bartender was buying shots.

Inside the Lincoln Memorial

Washington Monument from inside the Lincoln Memorial

Lincoln Memorial at night

Washington Monument reflected in the Vietnam Veterans Memorial

Washington Monument from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial

National World War II Memorial

Washington Monument at night

U.S. Capitol Building Rotunda

U.S. Capitol Building Rotunda

U.S. Capitol Building

U.S. Capitol Building and a dumpster, my metaphor

The Mall from U.S. Capitol Building

Getting Back on the Horse

2009-08-04T12:42:00.003-05:00

I found one lingering problem from Las Vegas that no one warned me about. Or maybe it's just something I should have anticipated. I spent two straight months surrounded by thousands of stranger and friends. There was never a time in those 8 weeks when I wasn't slammed over the head by everything you've come to expect from Vegas. The constant noise of slot machines, poker players frothing at the mouth to tell their bad beat stories, always someone bitching about something. Sensory overload turns into numbness to all the silly shit. Flashing lights on every square inch comes to seem perfectly normal.

Then the series is over and it's time to get back to normal life. Now instead of being constantly surrounded, I've gone days without seeing another human being. I don't find myself seeking out bottles of booze at all times of the day, Mama CantHang's classic sweet tea is my most consumed beverage. I now take pictures of buildings, the ocean, people. Normal people and not the newest online grinding chucklehead who just happens to have a few chips in a lemur lynching. It hasn't been the easiest adjustment.

The toughest part has been to get myself back into the habit of writing anything down. Vegas forced the issue, being my job and all. Back home I just can't get motivated to tell everyone here many of the crazy stories that occurred in just a few short weeks. It all seems a decade ago when I got my ass rolled by that stripper or I saw a dead man in the parking lot with F-Train. I don't know how all you proper writers push through this down time but I'm going to make myself do better. There really are too many tales to be told, I owe it to them to do the telling.

Let's see if I can list just a few and I'll count on my remaining 5 readers to keep the pressure on me to put them down in writing.

- Rolled by that drunk ass stripper
- Spot the Hooker game
- Party, party party. There was one with a freestyle rapper. And it wasn't Nelly.
- Late night Pai Gow sessions and my version of the Great Gold Coast Massacre.
- The Ultimate or Steel Panther with BadBlood

I'm sure I'll get to those and more as the days go by. I'm making my stand today!

~

Before I get to a few more pics from the last few months, just a little BBT4 business to finish up.

First, the 25,000 FTP points are on their way for places 6th through 20th. You'll excuse me for letting that go until I got back from Vegas. I finally have everything straightened out and the list was submitted. When I get the notice, you'll be the first to know.

Second, I wrote here either before or after the Tournament of Champions that BBT4 was the very last challenge of it's kind. I stand by that statement even more so now then before. It ran it's course and I wasn't giving Full Tilt proper value. But at least we were giving free stuff away to poker bloggers.

Then we had a blogger win a WSOP Main Event seat via the Battle of the Blogger Tournaments and actually play in the big game! Outstanding you would think.

I requested one of photographers grab a few shots of him playing so I could pimp him on the Full Tilt blog when she sent me a text "you want a picture of the guy wearing all the Party Poker patches?". Sure enough I walked over to find a BBT winner doing a Party Poker billboard impersonation.

As if I needed another reason to kill the BBT. Well played sir, nice hand.

~

The (Now to Be) Daily Crutch

Everyone has seen the pictures posted of Liv Boeree. Lovely Brit with a taste for booze and real metal. Someone pointed a video out to me near the end of the WSOP and another un-named member of the media declared his love. She casually mentioned at the hooker bar that she received some personal guitar lessons from none other than Scott Ian and Kirk Hammett. The video is just a little taste of her ripping up some Children of Bodom. Enjoy the entire video.

RSS readers can click through here

The rail was mobbed at bubble time

The Amazon Room emptying out as more dead money hits the rail

Two favorite pics of DanM
First patching up a shy (cute) bartender in DC...

...then using the patch/grope method outside the bar

Another picture dump

2009-07-20T13:29:00.002-05:00

I survived.

It wasn't a sure fire lock I would be able to say that and things definitely hit the frazzle button at the end. But when all was said and done, I made it through. Mostly with the help of friends, bartenders and booze. Now that I'm back in the comfy confines of the east coast, away from the oppressive heat and environment, I'm ready to start telling some stories.

There are plenty of them to go around and I've got nothing but time on my hands. Until then, here are some more pics from the last few weeks since I disappeared from this space.

~

The (not even close to) Daily Crutch

Just a few pics to give you an idea of what happened over the last few weeks since I last posted and went deep undercover at the WSOP.

Cali Jenn had a big birthday party half way through the Series. Pregame drinking with Jenn and MeanGene, where Gene's beer looks bigger than Jenn.

Tryst at the Wynn was the party destination. I'm not usually a club person, but VIP access and bottle service made things comfy.

Things got a little fuzzy before we called it a night

Miss Lacey Jones playing in the Dream Team Poker media event.

Poker Stars threw a monster WSOP party at Rain in the Palms. Nelly performed as well as certain members of the poker media.

Fire!

"Final Friday" will go down in poker blogger lore, too bad none will ever know everything. There was a sushi feast at Naked Fish...

...a Steel Panther show...

...late night poker at Green Valley Ranch...

...and two tickets to the gun show.

"Anyone know the day?" and a picture dump

2009-06-30T21:08:00.003-05:00

I haven't been writing much in my little corner of the web over the last few weeks like I intended. As much as I tried to prepare myself for the WSOP onslaught, I suppose you can never be ready until you actually go through it. I actually considered writing a "How to Survive your first full WSOP" post but that seemed a bit presumptuous. I haven't actually survived the entire thing yet. I'm sure I'll make it over the next 2+ weeks but why take a chance on talking myself into a meltdown.

Dr. Pauly can give all the advice he wants to people flying into Las Vegas for vacation but there's no set of rules or helpful hints for the newb coming out here for 7 weeks to cover thousands and thousands of brain dead idiots. Things truly melt into one big pile after a certain amount of time. That amount of time for me was around my third week, in no time at all things compressed and I find myself looking at the end and glad for it.

You'd think I would have found time over the last two weeks to maybe write the story about getting rolled. Again. By a stripper this time with witnesses.

All my energy and time has been to posting on the FTP blog and keeping up with everything. Unless you've been out here you can't imagine just how hard it is to come up with different ways to describe the scene. I've kept my sanity with my friends, bottles of booze and some well timed sleep. Today is day 33 in the Rio and only 2 of those days I didn't have my ass firmly planted in my seat.

You may enjoy reading the past tales of Otis and Pauly, perhaps thinking them chock full of hyperbole and think it can't really all be like that. I'm here to tell you that it's usually even more over the top then what they are telling you. Day after day after day just watching thousands of people throw their dead money away. It's stunning to watch a live 4-digit buyin tournament have players busting out at four or five PER MINUTE. Most of these guys would get better return on their money if they just bought a good bottle of booze and a mid-range hooker. They would last longer and have a souvenir circling the bowl when done.

At this point it feels like the world is conspiring against everything I do. The donks in the hallway are walking slow just to piss me off, I'm always walking against the stream, every broke ass players needs to bum a smoke outside the poker kitchen, or I find that one bartender who doesn't feel like pouring me a shot. I think I have a running case of food poisoning from nasty two day old Chinese food. But that one is all on me.

All that being said you might think I'm having a horrible time and never want to do this again. Don't read that into my comments.

While most people are working hard at their jobs I'm sitting comfortably on my perch above the Amazon Room. You may be sitting in a cubicle, office, death trap with a bunch of corporate tool bags while I have the pleasure of having Benjo and Otis to my left with MeanGene, Dr. Pauly and Cali Jenn on the right. I win that battle every time. I get to drink (often) during work breaks while prop betting hookers and waitress-tainers. Late night drinking followed by early morning Pai Gow.

I spent an evening at the strip club with F-Train while Grubby made a quick Vegas trip (the getting rolled part of that night will be written sooner or later, when it's not so fresh in my memory). There was the party with friends and the lovely Liv Boeree where I finally was able to catch a Steel Panther show. I get to listen to lovely French girls talk to Benjo and squirrel it away the ol' spank bank. The girls, not Benjo.

Don't you worry about me, things are rocking along and the Main Event parties are about to hit full swing. That's when the job gets tough.

~

The Daily Crutch

I have a metric shit ton of pics to start posting. Just because you haven't seen them in awhile doesn't mean my camera hasn't been clicking away. I'm just going to dump a bunch and let you have at them. DanM has been waiting on the Liv Boeree / Steel Panther pictures, here ya go.

The lovely Lacey Jones decided the Detroit Red Wings would be her hockey team in the finals. One morning she showed up with "Stanley" Cup cakes, leaving one specifically for Penguin groupie MeanGene.

Cali Jenn invited us to a "little" birthday party at an out of the way bar. A casual count came up with at least 11 bracelets in the "little" bar. I'll never understand how these big guys don't understand how the hell to get a drink. They were bitching all night but I wasn't having a problem. Professional drink et al. While the other patrons were getting snarled at, I was doing shots with them.

I'm only posting this slightly embarrassing picture of myself for one reason. MeanGene told me if I post this picture then I had permission to post this picture of him. My excuse was that I need some place to sit waiting for the valet, who knew it would come out so dirty looking. You'll have to ask Gene for his excuse.

Word leaked that several people were heading off to the Steel Panther show. There are several reasons why I've missed this show but I talked Cali Jenn into going against her better nature. Bonus paid when Liv Boeree showed up and gathered at a few private tables for booze and rock. Next thing we know, she's up on stage with the band and it got very interesting.

I'll even go so far as to post a picture of my ugly ass just bring you one more picture. I am not an attractive troll. (Please take note of my Rooster-friendly t-shirt. "Free Range Cock")

Day 22ish: Sanity and Celine Dion

2009-06-17T14:37:00.004-05:00

I think I really need to consider buying into a WSOP event this year to help out with my bankroll. I suggest California Jenn do the same thing. It must have been something in the food.

Just a few weeks ago a bunch of headed off to dinner at the All American Bar and Grill. A few people throwing down steaks (or leafy veggie products) and having a good time. Besides myself and Jenn, sitting around the table were Shaun aka "sprstoner", CK, and LJ.

Not long after that dinner sprstoner would go on to finish 3rd in the Event #13 ($2,500 No Limit Hold'em), CK would turn her BBT4 prize into cash finishing 39th in Event #25 ($2,500 OE), then last night LJ would just miss the final table of Event #31 ($1,500 H.O.R.S.E.). I realize it has nothing to do with that dinner but what the hell. I'm as superstitious as the next person.

Congrats to all three, it was pretty friggin cool to watch these guys make a run at a bracelet from the rail. I honestly didn't get a whole lot of work done those days other than "covering the bloggers".

~

I've been to Vegas nearly two dozen times and had a first time experience yesterday. My Vegas trips usually go down in a few different places. The sportsbook, poker room, and mostly some bar type location. All other time is spent passed out in my room or riding in over priced cabs. I had yet in all my years to experience that touristy thing called the Bellagio Fountains.

A few days ago Benjo mentioned having dinner at Mon Ami Gabi in the Paris casino. The prospect of a nice dinner with good friends plus the bonus of getting the fuck out of the Rio for a few hours. We ended up with a great view of the Bellagio but that was secondary to the good time and great food. Cali Jenn ordered the bottle(s) of wine, I went with the Escargots de Bourgogne and Duck L'Orange. Snails and Daffy Duck for dinner.

A great dinner with the crew who's kept me sane during my first WSOP. I told them my not-quite-so-sad tale about the fountains when Jenn, Gene, and Benjo all said "fuck it". We made the mad dash across the strip and I sat there for my first viewing of the legendary dancing water streams. I got hosed. No classical music, no rock music, not even Frank Sinatra. I get that silly Celine Dion song from Titanic. Benjo would not take up my cries to recreate DiCaprio atop the stone wall. "I'm King of the World!" Obviously he did not drink enough wine at dinner.

It was still impressive and it was cool to do my first touristy thing. I told you these guys keep me sane.

Sidenote on the strip, I don't know who is saying the Vegas economy is messed up but you wouldn't know it from the foot and vehicle traffic down the strip. It was a mad dash against all sanity from Paris to Bellagio, then I turned ancient getting back to the Rio. It's all a conspiracy to get your dead money ass out west.

~

The Daily Crutch

No naked women today. I'm just photo dumping pictures from last night's short time out on the town. Enjoy.

The view from our table at Mon Ami Gabi in the Paris Casino

We were there for a very long time, day into night

Waiter pouring from the 1st or 100th bottle of wine, can't quite remember

Benjo said if I shot the Paris Casino version of the Eiffel Tower from this angle, it would look like the real thing

Relaxing along the rail waiting for Celine "effing" Dion

Jenn with a big honkin slot machine, Benjo acting the cool Euro being patient with us

Day 15: Or Something Like That

2009-06-10T17:32:00.003-05:00

I really have no fucking idea how Pauly does this year after year. I get a few posts up on Poker From the Rail, walk the room, watch out for Tilters and generally try to get a feel for everything so I can get it down in print. Who the hell has time to post to their personal blog when 14 hours goes flying past and your all of a sudden looking at another 14 hour day and feeling like nothing really got done. Of course this year the good doctor did himself a favor and when Phishing on the east coast after the first week of the series. He extended the break and now everyone envies him.

So we have no Pauly on media row and Otis is sitting atop Mt. Otis in G-Vegas laughing at us fools stuck here with fucking Russ Hamilton fat head looking over our shoulders at all times. Mean Gene, Cali Jenn and others are helping me keep my sanity but I've slipped here and there. It's tough when I do most of my research while sitting at the hooker bar. Just one of the sacrifices I need to make to get the inside scoop. I've got enough information to fill a few thousands worth of great stories and rumors that'll never make the web.

Did you know that Liv Boeree completely approves of BadBlood's current metal selections? I only know that because I sat at the hooker bar til 6am with her, Allie Prescott and my favorite trainwreck Joy Miller. (We did a cheers to you Mr. Spaceman in honor of the historic blogger Playboy Mansion trip). So a day after posting the Liv pictures I found myself throwing back shots and talking metal with her. I pulled out the new iPhone with my current playlist which included Soilwork, Children of Bodom, Arch Enemy and a little Nevermore and it met her approval. Thank christ I had Blood fill my old ass in on the current state of metal.

Then there was the other night when a local boy won his bracelet in the $5,000 No Limit Event. I detailed this on the FTP blog but it was pretty god damned cool. I met Brian Lemke way back in the ancient days when I would run the very popular very illegal poker games downstairs at the Boathouse. I would see him whenever we hit the Borgata and drink into the early mornings at the B-Bar. When he made the final table I told Nolan Dalla that I was taking off my media badge so I could cheer along. That's when Joe Sebok told me that Brian was actually Shronk's cousin. That's just an odd coincidence that never popped up in coversation. Small freaking world.

He got heads up with a german and things could have gotten out of hand. The Philly boys had the cocktail server hopping with a tray of beers every time past, there was a little cringe when one drunk starting singing the Eagles fight song, but he eventually sucked out like a good poker player and a bracelet gets shipped back east. After he toughed out the media part of winning he dropped the best line by a WSOP winner, "Let's go drink at the Hooker Bar." Outstanding, another walk across the parking lot with the sun coming up.

The rest is just becoming a blurrrrr and I'm just checking off the days on my room service tab to see how many orders of bacon I can consume in 7 weeks.

~

The Daily Crutch

I'm adding a link to my list of blogs you need to read while we're all here plodding away. BJ Nemeth has been blasting away with his camera and getting some fantastic stuff. I was joking around with him that he's going to burn or run out of different ways to capture the same ol' lemurs but he's crushing so far. I'll give you one of his pics from Liv right off the bat and then photo dump some of other images from the last few days.

Check out BJ's photo blog over on Poker Road.

Photo credit: BJ Nemeth

MeanGene captures Lacey Jones in the Ladies Event after just landing in Vegas

Shipping a bracelet to Norristown, PA

The boys at Wicked Chops get my favorite Gavin Smith picture

Security guarding a shit load of chips during the color up process

Blog reading during the WSoP:

Poker From the Rail
Dr. Pauly
Pokerati
Wicked Chops Poker
PokerNews.com
Pokerlistings.com
Poker Stars Blog
Ulimate Bet Blog
BJ's Photo Blog

Day 8: Half Day Off

2009-06-04T16:35:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was one of the crazy days the veterans warned me about. Seven tournaments throughout the day with three final tables. The daily donkfest was killing baby bankrolls and the big guys were playing NL 2-7. That might be the craziest tournament I've witnessed to date and it was funny watching Hellmuth pull a Hellmuth even when the cameras weren't rolling. Somewhere along the line a decision was made and I have no idea exactly how it happened.

Cali Jenn was tilty all morning and I was sober, seemed to be a single solution to both problems so we took an early break at the sportsbook to watch some baseball. Next thing you know the USA/Costa Rica soccer match was getting ready to kickoff and our numbers grew at the bar. MeanGene and Michalski and LJ and CK and it just kept growing. Soon there would be chinese containers cluttered on the bar and it was suddenly an unofficial half day at the WSOP. I could never hang with the PokerNews.com crew, they seriously crush at their job and continue to get ripped by the morons in their comments. While we toiled, they worked.

A few of us are lucky that we're able to sneak off at times like that to keep our sanity and not burn out like others in the past. Now I'm good to stick my head down for a few more days before I have to release the pressure again. Til then I'll just stare at the bikini girls in the halls.

~

I ran into a local guy from around my hometown before the WSOP kicked off, he said he was looking to play a few smaller events and definitely the $1k "Stimulus Special". He's from King of Prussia, played in some of the local bar freerolls (Riverchasers natch), and we saw him play in the Borgata Winter Open. A couple days in and he was still alive. Day 3 and I saw he was still.

Damn skippy if he didn't finish third in the biggest tournament field outside a WSOP Main Event for a cool $313,000 profit on his $1k investment. There's going to be some drinking when he gets home. Cheers to Jimmy Matz.

~

The Daily Crutch

I've been admittedly weak in the hottie department from the WSOP but if the Wicked Chops boys are having a hard time finding them then I have no shot. I'll give you the few I've picked up so far and I there will be no Freddy Deeb shots.

Bikini girls began wandering the halls before the first tournament

Milwaukee Beast girls are back, wish I had a better pic

Cute dealer, bad camera work

She was riding high on her friend's shoulders during the $1k Lemur Lynching

Shauna, assistant to the stars and idiots (I'm the idiot part of the equation)

Blog reading during the WSoP:

Poker From the Rail
Dr. Pauly
Pokerati
Wicked Chops Poker
PokerNews.com
Pokerlistings.com
Poker Stars Blog
Ulimate Bet Blog

Day 6: Snoozing and rocking

2009-06-02T16:59:00.003-05:00

Obviously I'll never be a top notch writer, journalist, hacky sack or else today I would be weaving you tales of debauchery around the streets of Vegas. Strippers and hookers and everything else. Instead I can take a good ten minutes to post pictures and tell you about my day that was long with not even a sniff of booze.

I ate a BBQ pork sandwich from the poker kitchen (not bad but not meant for eating and working) and a cardboard pizza from the hallway (cardboard pizza should be enough of a review). Spent some time with Mean Gene playing "spot the hot chick" and watching streams of over-confident fools throwing away their money on a long shot dream when their chances are about the same as hitting the Power Ball.

There was nothing to see from media row as games were being played in different areas. The lower deck of the our perch on high was completely empty while they were sitting in the Miranda Room/Brasilia Room/Feature table/etc. The few that stuck around to writing enjoyed the view as the cash games were stretched closer to us while the "smart money" heehawed their way into the NLHE ring games. All of it was spectacularly impressive, so much so that we bailed early without even blinking an eye at the hooker bar on the way through.

Such is the life on Day 7, or Day 8. I can't exactly tell these days. The best bet is to start counting empty cigarette packs.

~

The Daily Crutch

Today's crutch is brought to you by the boys around the corner at Wicked Chops Poker (with sweet new site design), Mean Gene, and some random poker site. I realize my loyalty should be held strictly for the girls of Full Tilt Poker but I've never been that much of a corporate tool and I have Poker From the Rail to act all professional and shit. So I bring you my new favorite favorite. She's stunning, a Brit, and crushes it to some proper thrash. I bring you the lovely Liv Boeree. God have mercy on my soul.

Seriously, she fucking rocks

Blog reading during the WSoP:

Poker From the Rail
Dr. Pauly
Pokerati
Wicked Chops Poker
PokerNews.com
Pokerlistings.com
Poker Stars Blog
Ulimate Bet Blog

Day 5: The one where I don't get rolled by a hooker

2009-06-01T17:21:00.002-05:00

God damn what a crazy few days here in Vegas, so much so that I completely whiffed on posting here at mine own private little webspace. A sick sick donkey infested WSOP $1k buyin tournament that played like a $25 online freeroll. Someone apparently did the math and they were losing players at 4 per minute. That's just god damn insane. Massive overbets, crazy draws, and every bad beat story on the planet. The only thing really missed that we all expected, I didn't see a single fight around the tables. With this kind of craziness it would have just seem natural.

I headed off to the WSOP/Bluff launch party hosted by Lacey Jones Saturday night instead of sticking around the watch lemur suicide. It was in a club at the Rio called ND's or some such thing. We were in the establishment before it was open to the public, hanging out with Cali Jenn, MeanGene, CK, friend-of-Pokerati Cliff and most of the PokerNews crew (that likes to drink). As usual the drinks were overpriced but it's pretty damned tough to water down my drink when it consists solely of SoCo. And they gave a nice long pour which I'll use as an excuse for how the rest of the evening went down.

We hung out in the Bluff reserved early, relaxing while the rest of the crowd danced to some psuedo Latin rubbish that had Cali Jenn on edge. Somehow someone found out that the good folks at PokerListings.com had an even better setup down below with a view that my little mini-camera just do justice with. I didn't partake of their free booze but I certainly appreciated the view.

I thought putting together the Run Good Challenge was worth of their admiration. I thanked Matt for the RGC then enjoyed the view for awhile. Unfortunately this picture didn't come out too well either. That's our host with an amazingly attractive waitress. Maybe good ol BJ Nemeth got a better shot. We stuck around long enough for a little dancing (no confirmation of whether I shook my money maker) but eventually it was time to call it a night/morning at the club and hit the hooker bar. Again.

I relaxed with Cliff at the bar for awhile, killing a bottle of SoCo in the process, then started playing the popular drunken game Find the Hooker. It did not end well because I was well looped and she was sitting right next to Cliff. Next thing you know she's latched on. It took some cunning and gile to rid of ourselves of her as she followed us over to the Gold Coast. If I wasn't messed up it would have been a piece of cake, as it was I almost had to complete a transaction just to rid myself of her.

But I did not get rolled. Be very clear about that.

~

Battle of the Blogger Tournaments 4 ended while I was sitting media row and the maths are done. The final tables are linked over there on the right. 1Queens Up1 just barely edged Tuscaloosa Johnny for the top spot. Jordan crushed and won Player of the Month for May, another $2k Bracelet Package won. Some have noticed that the ToC is listed under the private tab and just about ready to go. I need to get the last 3 players entered and the prize pool corrected as it only show the 2 Main Event seats. I've also submitted the Leaderboard and PoM winners to FTP. For those eligible for the jerseys, you will get the 25,000 FTP points to purchase your choice in the store.

It's great to think I won't have to ever sit here and crunch numbers every morning for 3 months. As some have heard or I've told, this was the last BBT that you'll be seeing. It was a fun run with four great challenges but I think it's hit the wall. I'm sure I'll come up with something crazy to do again next time the WSOP rolls around but the free-for-all 56 tournament challenges have gone the way of the dodo. Thanks to Full Tilt Poker for putting 14 seats plus all the cash and prizes over the years, no one else does that for bloggers. Thanks to the guys who run each private tournament for allowing me to influx them with surly lemurs. Most importantly, thanks to all the players who came out and made them a success. Players drive these kinds of things and I wouldn't have been able to pull these kinds of things together if no one showed up or supported.

Cheers.

~

The Daily Crutch

I was sitting next to MeanGene here on the top level of media row when word started spreading around that some strip club was having a bikini carwash in the parking lot. It took Gene about half a second to grab his nifty camera (1000000 time better than mine) and made his way out the door. I was a good boy and sat here writing words that most won't read but he was on the job. So MeanGene is the sponsor of today's Daily Crutch, I also included his shot of the newly made up Beast girls. We also have some girls walking around in bikinis but they have been tough to get on camera, I still have no idea what they are hawking.

Blog reading during the WSoP:

Poker From the Rail
Dr. Pauly
Pokerati
Wicked Chops Poker
PokerNews.com
Pokerlistings.com
Poker Stars Blog
Ulimate Bet Blog

Day 2: Big Stacks, Small Field

2009-05-29T16:00:00.002-05:00

Day 2 was a nice way to ease my rookie ass into everything. It was the first open event but instead of a big field of lemurs it was a big $40k buyin with only 201 players. Even I can keep up with those kinds of fields. It was stacked full of big time pros, online killers, self-made rich boys and satellite players looking to make a bang. There was also a big crush around the rails but nothing like we'll see during the Main Event and nothing in line with the female talent we've come to expect.

I spent my table watching and waiting for action with the Full Tilt guys while alternating between nicotine and Red Bull breaks. It was a long night but nothing compared with what's to come. I"m just sitting back and waiting to see what comes my way. It's doesn't hurt when Lacey Jones visits us each morning for a little pre-game chat and we take turns wiping the drool off MeanGene's face.

And I had every single god damn intention of being good once the $40k was done for the night. I had a few writeups to complete and it was my first full day after all. It would completely wrong to not go straight back to my room and get things done. Of course that didn't happen when I saw CK and Joy Miller sitting at the hooker bar with a row of shots. (Some may remember Joy as the catalyst behind a group of us descending upon the Playboy Mansion a few years ago with some crazy side effects). I kept it respectable but missed a few hours of sleep that I could probably use later today.

Time to buy stock in Red Bull.

~

The Daily Crutch

Still pulling together some good pictures from around the Amazon Room, and may very well add some really good ones here in a bit if MeanGene gets back in time. Rumor has it there is a stripper car wash going on this very moment in the parking lot of the Rio. Until then I'll give you a little meat porn. My first real meal during my first week. Dinner with CK, LJ, California Jenn and crew. I was able to witness the three levels of my beautiful inch-thick 16 ounce ribeye.

Slabs of uncut dry aged beefy goodness

Sliced nice and thick before putting just a little flame on them

Not a great picture, but it was fantastic and a baked potato the size of my head

Day 1: Things go wrong and slow

2009-05-28T11:09:00.003-05:00

My first day "covering" the 2009 World Series of Poker went about as expected. I was told there was little action to cover in the Event #1 since it was the Casino Employee tournament. I had plenty of things to take care of throughout the day and tried to use it. Of course all the stories I've heard about things going wrong came true. An hour before kicking off the tournament and I was standing in line to pick up my media credentials and the entire system was down. They weren't able to login and check for little things like was I registered, did I send in the proper photo or if I existed at all. While waiting for all that to happen they did a manual check and sure enough, my badge was nowhere to be found. I didn't feel so bad since 90% of the people in line with me were also persona non grata. So I wandered the halls and picked up what I could.

Day 1 was a wash.

The night before was a fun relaxing time with a bunch of writers who enjoy their drink and gambling. Dr. Pauly invited a crew along to drink and some degenerate bowling. I help up the bar with Change100 and LJ while the rest were rolling silly little balls down a silly little alley. Pauly, Pokerati Dan and California Jen were betting per game with Pauly coming out on top bet-wise but losing some self-respect when Dan groped the good docs left ass cheek. It tilted him right into the gutter but he still won. Tuaca and SoCo shots were passed around with Pauly's winninge, we finished the late night eating chicken embryos and Dan spilling coffee all over himself.

I'll head over to the Rio shortly to begin covering the first big event, the $40,000 buyin 40th Anniversary tournament. Smart money has the number of entrants under 250 but I've seen people taking shots at the over.

Pic of Dan's spilled coffee, not crotch

One of a million pics to be taken of this one banner

Shronk tribute poster in the hallway

~

Blog reading during the WSoP:

Poker From the Rail
Dr. Pauly
Pokerati
Wicked Chops Poker
PokerNews.com
Pokerlistings.com
Poker Stars Blog
Ulimate Bet Blog

Day 0: Calm before the storm

2009-05-26T17:41:00.001-05:00

I'm mostly settled into adult Disney with room and board and quick access to every indulgence. I spent my first 24 hours drinking with Dr. Pauly then hitting up the poker in the new M Resort til the sun came up. My first bender the first day and now time to settle down to take care of business. If you can believe it even possible, it my drunken state I put a hurt on their 2/4 limit game (only 3 tables going and that had the only empty seat). The sober folks at the table didn't seem to care too much for my antics but I kept stacking and drinking.

The Amazon Room in the Rio opened today for registration, cash games and satellites. Tomorrow I'll pick up my media credentials, meet with the Full Tilt folks and find my camping spot for the next few months. As the rookie in the room I'm sure I'll make mistakes or completely hose myself up at some point I'll count on my intuition to get me safely back to the bar and/or my hotel room. It's going to be an interesting couple of months, of that I have no doubt. I'll keep my daily thoughts here while the professional poker stuff will be over at Poker From the Rail. I'm also on that confounded twitter thing with @AlCantHang and @FullTiltPoker_WSoP once everything kicks off.

My last night of sanity, I think it's time to start drinking again.

Blog reading during the WSoP:

Poker From the Rail (my FTP blog)
Dr. Pauly (he's writing on his own which is the best in town)
Pokerati (DanM and gang write about all things poker)
Wicked Chops Poker (Poker and boobs, boobs and poker)
PokerNews.com (every game, up to date and employing most of my blogging friends)
Pokerlistings.com
Poker Stars Blog (Otis and gang follow the Poker Stars gang)
Ulimate Bet Blog (MeanGene and crew)
~

The Daily Crutch

I figured poker was the perfect tie in for the semi-nekkid five today but it almost caused me to puke. I have this random application that I use on occasion to scour the internet in the background and grab random pics, these are some of things I do for you. I set the search to go grab any vague pics tagged "poker girl". Start going through the directory later to see what I grabbed in my fishing net. I swear to friggin christ a dozen pictures in and I got a god damn picture of Waffles. Just can't get away from that troll doll! (But not nearly as disturbing as this picture).

My standard 2-7 Triple Draw starting hand

Absolute Poker, they'll steal your money and.... look boobs!

Next Door Nikki, always a favorite 'round these parts

There are more pictures from this set that are NSFW, perhaps later for you the reader

No idea why she was picked up in the search but no complaints

Last week of BBT4 (for reals this time)

2009-05-23T19:18:00.003-05:00

This time I'm pretty damned sure that this is the last week in the Battle of the Blogger Tournaments 4, just six games left before we settle up and settle down for the Tournament of Champions. I definitely won't be playing in the Brit Blogger game tomorrow unless my Vegas flight is REALLY delayed since 16:05 is my departure time.

Get in there and get it done.

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Sunday's at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donkament

Tournament: PPI / Riverchasers
When: Monday's at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $24+2 or token
Password: riverchasers

Tournament: Blogger Skillz Game
When: Tuesday's at 21:30ET
Game: Limit Hold'em (with Knockouts)
Buyin: $10+1
Password: skillz

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday's at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Sunday's at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donkament

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
When: Sunday, May 31st at 21:30ET
Game: Superstack NLHE
Buyin: $69+6 (or token)
Password: donkey

~

The Daily Crutch: Weekend Edition

I'm backed up a few of these after a long week. She ain't the mortal nutz in the looks department but I picked her since there was an NCIS marathon during the weekend. Dr. Pauly will remember her as Pacey's brother on ~~Spanker's~~ Dawson's Creek. Sasha Alexander ladies and gentlemen. Hand to hand tipping only.

Run Good Challenge: WSOP Edition Part 2

2009-05-23T09:11:00.002-05:00

Never a dull moment this week, and for once that's not silly blogger speak for checking emails, writing puny 200 word posts and rearranging my iPod playlists. It was amazing how at one moment I was hanging out at a very very successful Cystic Fibrosis benefit loving life to the other end of the spectrum.

I'm always dealing with my demons, what's one more?

My bags are mostly packed and I have a few more items on my to-do list, 24 hours from now I'll be sitting in Philly airport (and hopefully not the security office portion of the airport) waiting for my flight to Vegas to cover my first full WSOP. I have no idea what to expect but we'll see what happens. When in doubt I'll self-medicate with booze.

~

Following up last week's Run Good Challenge: WSOP Edition from PokerListings.com, today they are poneying up 2 prelim seats to a few bloggers out there. I'll be there hoping to dodge Benjo's ducks and make a better showing than last time around.

Feel free to stop by and rail your favorite bloggers. That's always assumed to be one of the other players, I won't be offended.

~

Thank you to everyone who left comments and sent emails last week. It was very much appreciated. I will mostly back to myself next week and will bring back The Daily Crutch with gusto.

Goodbye my friend

2009-05-19T12:30:00.003-05:00

I don't want to write this post and I may take it down after I do. I don't know if it's anyone elses business or I just need to write something to get it out of my system. I've done what I need to do, put on some pedal down music and get through it.

Friday my friend Ashley went out with her boyfriend, my good friend Mike, and Saturday morning she was gone. There is no reason, no explanation, she just didn't wake up that morning. I found out Saturday evening and I still can't make any sense of it.

She was just 23 years old and I met her when she became the regular bartender at the pub. We spent a lot of time laughing and bullshitting and had more fun than should be legal. I would work on any excuse to talk her into staying over after her shift and the laughter never stopped. If you spent any time around her, she cackled like a school girl til she couldn't take it anymore. The days were full of practical jokes and you could never say she didn't love life.

There were serious times when she knew I would be there help out and she spent more than enough time listening to me bitch about anything and everything. Those complaints seem childish in light of what's happened.

I just spent an evening with the two of them last week and it was the same old fun and games. We spent the night playing horrible music on the jukebox, making friends at the bar, snapping pictures, and ragging on her tattoo. Standard.

Some of my internet friends met Ashley at different points when they were in town for a Bash or a drink. This seems to be the easiest way to let my friends know that I've lost a friend and you'll have to forgive me for being a little withdrawn and snarky. I'll miss my friend but I don't know that I'll ever understand it.

Rest In Peace Princess, you were around far too short a time.

My last picture taken with her last week

BBT4 Tournament of Champions correction

2009-05-19T08:55:00.005-05:00

I won't be posting much this week, I just don't have it in me to write and I don't care to explain why. I do need to clear up about the BBT4 Tournament of Champions.

The BBT4 page on Full Tilt was incorrect and being changed now. The ToC is being held on June 7th, the Sunday after the BBT4 is complete. The last game of the challenge will be MiamiDon's Blogger Big Game this Sunday at 21:00ET.

There are just 4 games left before we crown a winner starting with tonight Blogger Skillz Game which is good ol' fashioned Limit Hold'em. I'm in the process of updating the leaderboard after the last two events.

Update: Obviously my brain is somewhere else. Of course there are two weeks of games left in the challenge. My apologies for the confusion.

Update #2: Every BBT Tournament of Champions has been a 5000 starting stack, 12 minute/level, slow structure tournament. Every. Single. One. What do you think I might have set up for this one?

Update #3: It seems my attempts to correct information was a complete failure. The final Blogger Big Game is on Sunday, May 31st.

Tournament: Blogger Skillz Game
When: Tuesday's at 21:30ET
Game: Limit Hold'em (with Knockouts)
Buyin: $10+1
Password: skillz

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday's at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Sunday's at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donkament

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
When: Sunday, May 31st at 21:30ET
Game: Superstack NLHE
Buyin: $69+6 (or token)
Password: donkey

Death Before Vegas

2009-05-15T13:07:00.000-05:00

The last few days I've been getting my ass killed by some nasty little flu that's destroying my mind. No silly jokes about the swing flu (although everyone is making funny with my love of bacon) but just a good ol' fashioned head pounding cold. Before last night I hadn't had a cigarette in well over a week and my alcohol intake shrank to next to nothing. I made up for it last night by hitting up the Boathouse with BigMike for an old timer drinking showdown. Huge shots and carefree conversation with old friends was the perfect cure to make me forget about the flu.

It also gave me a chance to relax before the craziness in Vegas.

I'll spend the weekend getting together with my friends in the area before disappearing again into the unknown. I'll drink too much and smoke too much and scam on every girl in my line of sight. I'll play a little poker and talk bullshit. I may even do something completely against my nature and have a good time. It'll be a stretch.

I'll drag the camera around and see what I can find for you.

~

Tomorrow I'll play in the Pokerlistings.com Run-Good Challenge: WSoP Edition with a bunch of bloggers in a winner take all freeroll. I'm not exactly sure how big the field will be but you should stop by and rail if you can the chance. I will be the lowest rated blogger for sure. The game is Saturday at 14:00ET on Poker Stars under the private tab.

~

Only a few tournaments left to earn your place in the BBT4 Tournament of Champions. Sunday is the small buyin Brit Blogger game which is one of the best chances to get in. Smaller buyin and smaller fields. See you there.

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Sunday's at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donkament

~

The Daily Crutch

Since I'll be spending the next two months in the company of Pauly Drama (copyright TheRooster) and figured I'd give you 5 pics of my favorite Entourage girl, Emmanuelle Chriqui. I love a girl that can rock a wife beater.

Blog Chop Suey

2009-05-13T12:29:00.006-05:00

I haven't done this in awhile and it's one of my favorite blogger-related activities. It's time to take a weed whacker to my blog list over there on the right. Dead, dying, stagnant blogs are about to see the recycle bin. It's not really that big of a deal, the dead and rotting blogs are long gone and won't get upset about losing a tiny spot on a now insignificant site.

I'll try to load up some links on the list that I now have in bloglines and keep my interest. I'll just randomly toss them in and see what happens. There is no method to my madness, the only spots that'll never change are those at the top.

You think you make the cut, drop a line.

~

Gracie, SSP and friends made a trek down to the Kennedy Space Center to watch the Spaceshuttle Atlantis launch. Check out her post for a shit-ton of pictures and stories. They definitely got better pictures this time then when I was in Gainesville.

"Look! A really bright star!"
"Nope, that's the rocket launching from 5000 miles away."

Gracie tells me the kid in the picture below was distracted by ice cream. I know the kids feeling.

~

The Daily Crutch

Here's how this damn thing usually happens. I'm a pig. I'm generally chatting with other like-minded pigs about piggy things. Someone says something and a dirty switch clicks in my head and the picture searches begin.

Today's smut is brought to you courtesy of Riggs. He got a look at on of the Michelle Ryan pics and said "that little underboob is GOLD!" So you know what you get today. What I didn't show below was the creepy animation, cartoon, and WTF underboob pics. All safe for work, just really weird. It was tough to settle on just five, but here you go.

Underboob pro lucror.

"I really love soccer" underboob

"Where's my breakfast?" underboob

"Just something about her" underboob

"Weekly Daddy asian girl" underboob

"Well hello!" underboob

Bonus: My next "girlfriend"

Get Me Outta Here

2009-05-12T23:31:00.003-05:00

Good god damn, nobody prepared me for ALL the crap I'm going to deal with leading up to Vegas, at least not the shit I've got going on over the last 48 hours. At this point I can't wait to get there so all I have to deal with is poker and work and booze and staying alive, staying alive. I'm getting Vegas extra early so I can hit my standard Vegas first 36-hour-raging-solo-bender before settling down for work.

The worst part of living in Key West is elminating my natural (ingrained, habitual, junkie) need to drink every drop available and bring the party. That can't happen over my two months in town so I'll need to get it out of my system early.

~

My apologies to the micro-limit button masher and push monkeys that I've been ragging on over at Poker From the Rail. They are naturally the lowest form of bad on the planet, but I got a little view into the play of those idiots at 10/20 LHE. Dr.Pauly was doing a hit and run so I silently railed to check the action. I can't LET anyone know I'm on the rail, I am the worst cooler on the planet.

It was the dumbest 10 minutes of online poker I've ever witnessed. I saw so many stunningly bad plays that I think I'm ready to bankroll Waffles in the game, it's right in his wheelhouse.

~

Tonight is the crown jewel in the weekly blogger games, the beloved Mookie game with deep stacks, big fields and almost witty banter. Pauly won, I won, The Blogfather ran deep. Who's going to carry the flag for us old fart poker bloggers who remember the day when Iggy had to beg sites to let us run a private game.

I want 100 players. Not a request.

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday's at 22:00Et
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

~

The Daily Crutch - UK Edition

I never saw the new version of the Bionic Woman before it was canceled but apparently the chippy on the show was something else. I accidentally ran across a few of her pics the other day and figured it was worth sharing. Oh, she's a Brit and has been on Doctor Who for a bonus.

I couldn't decide between the picture about or this one. So yous gets both.

The Daily Crutch

2009-05-12T13:17:00.003-05:00

Julius the Goat pings me this morning and tells me I've been banging it up pretty well lately with the pictures. I feel the need to explain to him that the cutie pics are just the crutch of a weak-ass writer who isn't good enough to get things down in words but smart enough to do something to keep the masses appeased until something interesting comes around.

Yeah, nothing interesting today either. Perhaps once I jump a plane to Vegas things might start to liven up just a little.

Til then I sit back and wait for insanity to hit me. Ironing out all the details like travel and room and liquid fun money. I'm still trying to get my head around that I'll be spending 8 weeks in the Nevada desert with a town full of degenerates and drunks. Actually, it sounds just like my kind of place. Mardi Gras sans whimsy.

Pauly, Otis and other friends have been cool enough to give this hippy a little advice on his first full series. It's even money that I'll survive, I've already booked my return to Key West to recoup.

~

On a quick note, congrats to the Otis Family on the healthy arrival of Dos into the world. It looks like everything went smooth as silk with Mom, Dad and both brothers doing just fine.

~

It seems there just isn't enough dead money running around in WSoP freerolls this year. After missing out of the first two, Matt Showell from PokerListings.com invited me to join the Run-Good Challenge:WSoP Edition with a bunch of your favorite bloggers. Looking at the list I'm probably the longest shot on the board somewhere in the neighborhood of 300-1 odds.

But I'll play just for the chance to tilt monkey with some of my friends and favorite bloggers. I'll try not to embarrass myself along the way. The first tournament is this coming Saturday at 2pm ET on Poker Stars for anyone who wants to rail.

~

My other WSoP freeroll, of course, is the BBT4 Tournament of Champions. I've never been in this position before of being really happy to see BBT4 final tables now with players who've already booked there spot in the ToC. That means one less player I nee to donk my way through or more equity for my lone win. Donkey-killer Jordan won his THIRD tournament during the challenge last night. God damn.

You'll notice that the leaderboard isn't updated today. I made a critical error in judgment and I'm in the process of recreating the last few tournaments thanks to a backup mistake and not enough booze in my daily diet.

Everyone should show up tonight for the Blogger Skillz Game. Not quite as fun as Four Card Bingo, but this week is old school H.O.R.S.E. for your $11 buyin. I suspect there will be more than the usual share of chat cursing. If I gave anyone 500-1 odds on Waffles to win it tonight, would anyone actually take it or is that a bad price?

Tournament: Blogger Skillz Game
When: Tuesday's at 21:30ET
Game: H.O.R.S.E. (with Knockouts)
Buyin: $10+1
Password: skillz

~

The "Now" Daily Crutch

This might become a regular feature for The Boy Genius since I found a boatload of the lovely Laetitia Casta.

How did I miss Rachel Hunter in my MILF post yesterday?
I owe several more of her down the line.

I don't think I did justice to Salma Hayek yesterday so I'm adding another.

A thought a little reminder was due. Remember when Nikki Cox was stunning?
This was before she turned into some Daffy Duck-like monster.

Holy crap, a picture from just the neck up! Adriana Lima is worth it.

Riverchasers Tournament

2009-05-11T13:31:00.003-05:00

Waffle's new girlfriend (blind?) would like to remind you to play in the Riverchasers game tonight on Full Tilt. Only a few games left in BBT4 and spots are getting scarce.

Tournament: PPI / Riverchasers Tournament
When: Monday's at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $24+2 or token
Password: riverchasers

Mike Matusow: Check-Raising the Devil review

2009-05-11T11:24:00.003-05:00

“Daniel Negreanu says the players today are harder to read because they play so many hands. Maybe they’re better now. Or maybe they’re just tougher to read because they’re a bunch of idiots who don’t know what they are doing. Nobody folds now. They think every raise is a bluff.”

Mike Matusow: Check-Raising the Devil

Everyone around the poker blogging world should know by now the Amy Calistri and Tim Lavalli worked on the Mike Matusow autobiography coming out tomorrow. They were nice enough to get an advance copy sent in my direction so I could get a head start and post a review on the Full Tilt blog. Naturally I wrote it up and planned to drop it right before the book was available to the public. I waited too long because it's now out there in most book stores and Amazon shipped early.

Dr. Pauly was the first out there with a review and I've added my small voice to the discussion. Feel free to check it out.

Dr. Pauly - Check-Raising the Devil: The Mike Matusow Autobiography
Poker From the Rail - Mike Matusow: Check-Raising the Devil (Autobiography)

Amy and Dr. Tim also put out what was originally the opening chapter which was later cut.

Tim Lavalli - Matusow Chapter One
Amy Calistri - The Matusow Book: The Crossroads

~

Apparently something crazy happened on that Celebrity Apprentice show. Thank god Riggs was there last night to IM me the details, I was much too busy watching downloaded episodes of The West Wing season 2. I've never been subtle about my disdain for all things "reality" TV or "scripted reality" TV or whatever the fuck they call it these days. The only thing I've ever watched was Top Chef, and that's because I'm a lard ass who loves him some food. It seems Botox-zilla said some disparaging things about all us Nobel Peace Prize winning poker players.

I think it's almost adorable that people actually thought Annie Duke had a shot at winning. People getting all hot and bothered over a reality TV show where a leveraged-out-his-ass weirdo is the "final" judge. Duke could have raised 100 times Rivers for her charity and ran like god but there was no way she was going to be the poster child for an NBC show. The Twat-erverse is alive with calls for poker players to boycott Trump casino properties and other such non-sense. I guess they don't know Trump hates his casinos.

God I can't wait to spend 8 weeks in Las Vegas, I'm currently taking shrink referrals.

~

In honor of Mother's Day, I'll put up of few pics for your enjoyment.

She may not be a mother in real life, but she's given a brief moment of glory as the mother of Captain James T. Kirk in the new Star Trek movie. ZOOM IN!

I had a choice between two pics. Riggs wanted the one about. The other choice was this one.

Mookie's selection for the list. He should know about mothers.

Please god don't click on the picture for the full size version. Tough choice, The Superficial has the rest of the pics.

Scarlett Johanson isn't a mother yet? So sue me.

Outgeeking the geeks

2009-05-08T11:11:00.005-05:00

My geek friends are bigger than your geek friends. This is a pic of an unnamed crew member who spent his down time before Star Trek catching up on some reading. It was a real page turner. Automating Windows Server 2008 Administration with Windows PowerShell. Sure to be on NY Times bestseller list.

Last night (Thursday, I'm taking forver to get this post up) we hit up the first showing of the new Star Trek movie in IMAX. There was a little pregame and postgame drinking. The movie was everything you've heard. Funny and full of action, aliens and explosions. Kirk even has sex with a hot green chick. Pay the extra to see it in the Imax format if you have the chance.

The crowd had a few interesting characters, I actually tweeted (twitted, twatted?) that there were 200 guys, 1 girl and 1 unknown. I was being kind. The worst job in the theater was the poor guy who had to delay the movie by asking some trivia questions. The natives were restless but he was in no real danger, it was just a bunch of trekkies (trekkers, trek-daddies?). What are they going to do? That vulcan death grip thing doesn't actually work.

~

Don't forget to swing by the Brit Blogger game Sunday afternoon. Time is running short, the WSoP is right around the corner.

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Sunday's at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donakment

MiniFTOPS Tilt Spectacular

2009-05-07T13:40:00.000-05:00

I seriously have no one else to blame for my horrible performances last night on the tables. It was so bad that my MiniFTOPS recap was heavily edited to remove many phrases which would have been insulting to 99% of the player database and several decency laws. Now it's a watered down mess but I'll just link it here instead of retreading everything I did wrong. I even told someone at my Mookie table that I would get back to them after I finished tiltiing off my chips in the MiniFTOPS. I completed the night by intentionally pushing with the JackAce and it didn't hold up. Rigged.

Congrasts to TuscaloosaJohnny who's dominating the BBT4 at the moment.

"I take full credit for losing my patience, making a bad read, and then way overplaying afterwards. My game plan went right out the window and I have no one to blame. Except those few button-mashing, junk-calling, over-hyphenating lemurs that I’ve added to my enemy list."

Poker From the Rail - MiniFTOPS Event #1 - My Recap

Seriously as crappy as I've been in years. I can't remember still carrying it this far, I'm not good enough to get this tilted. Nothing a little booze shouldn't be able to cure.

~

I haven't had much if a chance to listen to BuddyDank Radio during the BBT games. Too much side stuff going on and I usually end up remembering sometime around 2am that I planned to listen in. I have a suggestion for next week's Mookie game though.

Metal Night at the Mookie on BuddyDank Radio. Hosted by BadBlood, PokerPeaker and myself. That might destroy some eardrums.

~

Quick post today. I'm heading out to the bar with BigMike for pregame drinking and IMAX: Star Trek.

Sports Illustrated loves Kiss.

Intervention

2009-05-06T14:16:00.002-05:00

Sometimes the hardest decisions have to be made for those close to us with big problems. You can have those little converasations with them to get them to change their ways but that rarely works. You can do your best to stop enabling them or others but they always go back to their bad habits. Eventually the only option is rehab or an intervention.

I think we all need to virtually sit down Waffles and tell him to stop playing poker. No more uncomfortable chuckles when he claims to be a "break even" player. He knows just enough poker terms from various poker books and blogs to make us think he knows of what he speaks. We all look the other way when he blows away yet another bankroll. Sure, he can stick around long enough to be a functioning poker-holic but we all know how it's going to end. He's going to tilt it away with a horrendous play and blame everyone except himself.

It's time to break the vicious circle.

~

Obviously the above will do nothing but boost his self-esteem. Because SOMEONE said something about him. Score one for Waffles.

~

Two weeks ago DrPauly won the Mookie, last week I won the Mookie, which old schooler is going to step up tonight and knock it out of the park? The Blogfather, Otis or Drizz? Hoyazo has a Mookie win, why not Mookie himself.

I'll be there defending my Mookie title. My profile was put up yesterday so you can check it out here.

Tournaments: The Mookie
When: Wednesdays at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

~

Tonight also kicks off FTOPS XII. I don't have anywhere near the online bankroll to go after them but I am going to take a shot at the new MiniFTOPS events (same game and host at 1/10th the buyin). Nice size prizepools for smaller buyins. I picked out 7 events (may add the $50 HEROS event) and will try to live blog them over at Poker From the Rail.

I'm looking to sell off some of my action if anyone is interested. Drop a comment. I picked $200 worth of MiniFTOPS games.

Event #1 - No Limit Hold'em 6 Max - $20+2 ($200,000 guarantee)
Event #10 - No Limit Hold'em - $30+3 ($300,000 guarantee)
Event #11 - Pot Limit Omaha/8 - $20+2 ($20,000 guarantee)
Event #19 - Razz - $30+3 ($15,000 guarantee)
Event #20 - No Limit Hold'em - $20+2 ($40,000 guarantee)
Event #24 - No Limit Hold'em(with KO's) - $12+1 ($100,000 guarantee)
Main Event - No Limit Hold'em - $50+5 ($500,000 guarantee)

Four Card Bingo Night

2009-05-05T11:40:00.003-05:00

So much going on today that you don't get a real post. Dealing with the upcoming WSOP details, FTOPS starting tomorrow, family issues and most importantly writing my Mookie champ profile. This is my second one.

Don't forget about the next BBT4 game tonight which is the always popular Blogger Skillz Game with Pot Limit Omaha. 4 card bingo is back!

Tournament: Blogger Skillz Game
When: Tuesdays at 21:30ET
Game: PLO (with knockouts)
Buyin: $10+1
Password: skillz

Til then you should stop by Dr. Pauly for his Liz Lieu Tuesdays and the latest issue of Truckin'. In his honor I drop a picture on you that I hadn't seen before. Elisha Cuthbert hanging with Mila Kunis is bikinis.

Click pic for the full size image.

May 2009, Vol. 8, Issue 5

1. Popeye by Paul McGuire
The beat up truck with Maryland plates included three large green trashbags that were strapped down in the back. A skinny woman in the passenger seat took a swig off of a bottle and handed it to a guy in a baseball hat. He took one long pull and then spit it out of the open window... More

2. Quicklube: A Fable By Milton T. Burton
It's turning out to be an A-number-one-fine day for C.C. Chumly. He and several of his like-minded buddies are quaffing a few Tall Toad Pilsners at the Belly-Up Bar, a truly classy place in beautiful downtown Midland, Texas... More

3. The Regret by David "Drizz" Aydt
My scar is buried under six feet of solid Nordic dirt and ice, among the mass headstones there's a grave marked with her name that has not been seen by these eyes... More

4. Blue No. 1 by Betty Underground
He looked up from the table and our eyes were locked. After so many years, sometimes there is no need for words... More

5. The Miracle of Highway Six by Art Rosch
Nevada is a washboard, an undulating series of mountains and valleys, and the roads cut straight across this ancient seabed. At the top of each peak, the view spreads down the road ahead, which goes in a straight line for miles and miles until it disappears into the next rise of the landscape... More

Old-timer night

2009-05-04T12:20:00.001-05:00

I went out with some friends over the weekend and hit up the old stomping grounds when I was a fledgling alchie. It was dirty and smokey and loud. That's a not so fancy way of saying that I felt at home. I was armed with a pocket of cash, two packs of Marlboro, camera and cell phone so that I could easily bug my friends with random drunken calls. The jukebox was full of perfect music and we ended up driving the women away with a two hour run of Pantera in honor of Dimebag.

I mostly parked my ass on that barstool and relived the old days of irresponibility mixed the occasional move around the bar to do random shots with random strangers when another top 10 thrash song hit the air. Couldn't tell you how many Soco was consumed or shots of sambuca by my friends but there was another bartender shaking his head with the craziness. It's tough to surprise a Delco barman. I snapped a few pictures but spent most of the time in happy ingnorance of the photo ops.

I posted one of the pics at the bottom, my local friends will know exactly who those boobs belong to thanks to the art work.

~

The last month of BBT4 continues tonight with the PPI / Riverchasers game. Hopefully we continue the current pace and have enough entrants to blow past the $1,000 prizepool mark again. 63 players gets us over $1,500. I hope to make it back to the ranch before kickoff and try to win a second tournament in less than a week. I got some more time online this weekend and my heater is still alive and kicking.

Tournament: PPI / Riverchasers Tournament
When: Every Monday at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $24+2 or token
Password: riverchasers

~

Just one picture from this Saturday night, I'll post more later in the week as I go through my camera.

Geeks and Bloggers and Boobs

2009-05-01T11:37:00.004-05:00

Definitely getting my full geek on in the next few weeks. X-Men: Wolverine comes out today which I'll probably check out as soon as possibe. I was one of those few sketchy folks who downloaded the pirated version to get a first look. Sure, a lot of the CGI effects were incomplete but the story was there. I'll be there to see it in it's complete version. Maybe the studio actually leaked the incomplete version to keep people from thinking about XMen 3.

I saw Negreanu's half second cameo in the downloaded version and had to go back a few times to actually realize it was him. Screen cap below.

Really geeking out is buying my Star Trek: Imax tickets already for next Thursday. I'll put on a nice little buzz beforehand than watch Skylar play young Spock. All that should keep me somewhat in the good graces of the geek squad.

Til then I'm just going to stay drunk.

~

Sunday starts the last month of the Battle of the Blogger Tournaments Challenge 4 with the Brit Blogger game at 16:00ET. I'll be putting up a 2 month recap on Poker From the Rail in the next week with winners and profiles. I'll be interested to see who wins this week's Mookie.

Pauly won last week and he was playing opiate free.
I won this week and I was stone cold freaking sober.
Next week? Maybe Daddy will win without having a body part in a farm animal.

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Sunday at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5 +.50
Password: donkament

~

Sitting in G-Vegas during my roadtrip I made fun of Otis for playing on twitter, even though he was one of the first I know on the site. I think even Dr. Jeff got in a little ragging. Somewhere along the line I think I made the comment "you'll never catch me on friggin twitter".

oops.

But I promise to never turn into the blogfather and abandon my 3 dedicated readers by posting to nothing but twitter.

I've also had some fun on a silly site call blip.fm, nothing special site but I keep throwing songs around and annoying everyone with my very narrow view of proper music. I need to get back out to the bar before I go completely over the edge.

How the hell am I going to survive 8 weeks in Vegas for the series?

~

Daniel Negreanu in XMen: Wolverine
The rest of this you call almost blame on Otis. He seemed a little doubtful of my endless database of semi and fully nekkid women. I'm a big fan of the female form. 5 mostly safe and 5 not at all safe for work pics. Enjoy the weekend and see you at the Brit Blogger game on Sunday.

And just to prove it's not all this dull safe for work stuff, some pics that aren't even close to SAFE FOR WORK. NSFW

Peek-a-boo NSFW
Unsafe driving NSFW
Feed me Seymour! NSFW
Ah, summertime NSFW
Daddy Sims special NSFW

Don't ask me how

2009-04-30T11:06:00.002-05:00

That's right, it's official. Winning tournament poker is pure donkey luck. I'm walking talking living proof that no skill is involved when I won the Mookie last night. Through no fault of my own, I was the last one standing last night after a series of hands that I'm afraid to go back and peruse. Not too many suckouts on the night but a shit-ton of luck. More luck than skill in my game.

So everyone already in the TOC, and those coming after, there will be one more stack of dead money sitting in your way for the WSOP. I do make at least the fourth player in the TOC who will already be in Vegas for the series after Dr. Pauly, CK, and F-Train won their seats. Maybe we can all take opposite corners of the hooker bar and do a shot each level.

Congrats to TuscaloosaJohn on winning April's Player of the Month award. One month left in the challenge, time to get moving.

I suppose I owe a few pics as thanks to the poker gods.

Hipsters all around

2009-04-29T14:08:00.003-05:00

Good times last weekend when I decided to run into town with BigMike to one of his favorite bars. Fun times with friends and enough booze to help us forget that we were surrounded by hipsters and kids playing make believe. $1 PBR pounders and cheap ass monster shots can do that for you.

We cruised through some old school Philly hangouts from the past where we used to see the guys dressed in pink polos with pucca shell necklaces loading into their IROC-Z's. Now the area if full of the pierced, tattooed and tweaking. There was so much itching and scratching going on that it was getting contagious.

We survived the night on cheap booze and many outdoor smoke breaks.

~

Not much response from the happy go-lucky post of yesterday, I suppose I should have realized I was speaking into the great void of entitlement.

It looks like TuscaloosaJohn all but has the April Player of the Month locked up, congrats to CK on the win. I missed the Skillz game last night because I forgot to pre-register and missed it the start. I won't miss The Mookie this evening. How about we shoot for 100 players tonight? It would be nice to have another Mookie prizepool over $1,000.

Make it happen!

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesday at 22:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Here there be hipsters!

Attracted to shiny objects.

Everything is fine in the darkness.

But avoid bright lights. Surprised they didn't scatter.

Blogger Skillz Game tonight

2009-04-28T16:09:00.002-05:00

Good times, I gotta tell you. I can't tell you how much joy I get out of each morning when I wake up to crunch yet another set of numbers then go through the daily routine of reading bloglines and catching up as much of the world as I can. That's free number crunching if you can believe, the BBT challenges have nothing to do with my regular gig. So I get all warm and fuzzy at the support from my friends and the players. What's a few WSoP seats between friends?

I'd much rather be wasting away my time in the morning worrying about hangovers and what I did the night before. Bikinis and booze instead of poker players complaining about free shit. Maybe I should have had just one big blogger tournament with less prizes and force you to post a SEO-friendly banner all over the blogs. Maybe I just need to post constant pictures of ~~half~~ nekkid women and see how that goes.

Or maybe I'm just grumpy because I'm stuck up north for the time being and wasting rent money on a Key West place while I'm dealing with business up here.

I suggest everyone come out to enjoy the time and free stuff while you have the chance, you know the money train is going to stop sooner or later. I'll be playing in the Blogger Skillz game tonight, a little Stud/8 fun time. You think 4-card bingo is fun? At least you won't have Waffles to deal with. I didn't even realize his backer gave up on him. I thought he was just cheating his backer.

Leaderboards are on the right, TuscaloosaJohn just hanging onto April's top spot with only two more events.

Tournament: Blogger Skillz Game
When: Tuesdays at 21:30ET
Game: Stud HiLo (with knockouts)
Buyin: $10+1
Password: skillz

Do it for a CheeseDoodle (SFW, kinda)? Or the girls below?

Photo Dump

2009-04-24T09:19:00.003-05:00

The Blogfather has told me that I should just change over to a photoblog. I can't tell whether that's a commentary on my decline in writing ability or I'm actually posting pics worth checking out. Far too few NSFW in my opinion. Here's a few that got lost in the mix from my trip south.

Don't forget about the Friday Night Donkament tonight and the Brit Blogger game on Sunday.

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Sunday at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donkament

Somewhere between Philly and Florida I thought I found the Tardis

The Hobbit and The Guinness

Tray full of carbombs, my FINAL going away party

BigMike and carbomb

The waiter earned his tip

Puppy tug-o-war. Zeke is chill AND winning

Eva's new puppy Leyna. 14 weeks old and 45 pounds.

Mookie crash decision

2009-04-23T09:34:00.004-05:00

Nothing can go absolutely trouble free in my world. That would be too simple and not nearly entertaining enough for the gods. Last night's Mookie was the latest example. A nice field of 83 players showed up including Dr. Pauly, Change100, JoeSpeaker, Daddy, Drizz and I even threw my money in the pot.

Get down to the final table with a fun crew of players. Pauly starts running over the field and CRASH. Down go the servers. There have been some other hiccups during past BBT's but this the first time we've lost the entire thing.

It's been a ton of fun coming up with a solution.

After talking it over with those in the know, we've decided to give everyone points depending on where they were sitting at the time and use the payouts according to the FTP policy on voided tournaments that are "in the money". Everyone was paid out depending and that means Pauly gets the TOC seat. My decision was a little easier when I realized he was sitting on 42% of the chips in play with 7 players left. Chip counts at crash time (I somehow thought to take a screenshot).

1. Dr. Pauly - 104,891
2. veryjosie - 30,175
3. xXGetLuckyXx - 26,695
4. noollab - 24,849
5. ElSnarfGrande - 22,490
6. MaggieO - 20,720
7. Drizztdj - 19,180

Once I get the final payout numbers I will finish updating the Leaderboards.

Naturally I will listen to anyone who could possibly have concerns about how the chop was handled. Feel free to email me. Please use "Mookie Chop Whine" as the email subject so I can setup my spam filter properly.

Mookie tonight, where I guarantee Waffles won't win

2009-04-22T17:12:00.004-05:00

If I'm drinking, I'm too hungover to write.
If I'm sober, I'm too distracted with DT's to write.

I have a post due up tomorrow on here about things going around this week about the BBT4 field sizes. Nothing major but I have a few ideas why things are different from years past.

I also have a post due up this week on Poker From the Rail reviewing the new Mike Matusow book from Amy Calistri and Dr. Tim.

Until then, I'll definitely be playing in the Mookie this evening.

Tournament: The Mookie
When: Wednesdays at 22:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE
Buyin: $10+1
Password: vegas1

Big BadBlood Birthday Thrash Bash

2009-04-21T09:06:00.007-05:00

In honor of BadBlood's birthday, I figured I'd take a some time and revisit a little CD we put out there back in Aught 5. The Bible of Thrash Vol 1 was supposed to be an ongoing series of CD's with thrash songs from different eras. Volume 1 was the beginning of Thrash. Thanks to the increase in mp3 downloads, the other CD's never made it out and our little production company went to shittown before any other CD's were released.

Now we have our good friends youtube, where you can get videos of great songs at shitty bit rates. But I'll give this a shot anyway. The video version of AlCantHang & BadBlood present The Bible of Thrash Vol 1. Some of the songs have actual videos, some have just the song with half-assed cover art, other won't even let me embed the video (thank you to the tight ass jack-tards at the music company).

RSS feeders, consider yourself Napster-ed. Click on through to view.

Click for a larger image

1. Slayer - Angel of Death
2. Anthrax - Indians
3. Exodus - The Toxic Waltz
4. Testament - Over the Wall
5. Onslaught - Shellshock
6. Flotsam and Jetsam - No Place For Disgrace
7. Megadeth - Holy Wars
8. Overkill - Hello From the Gutter
9. Annihilator - Alice in Hell
10. Powermad - Slaughterhouse
11. Nuclear Assault - Critical Mass
12. Suicidal Tendencies - Join the Army

Anthrax - Indians (keine einbettung)

Megadeth - Holy Wars (kein auch einbetten)

Happy 420

2009-04-20T10:00:00.005-05:00

Monday is a little crazy for me as I finish up a long post for Poker From the Rail, deal with travel plans back to Key West and Las Vegas this summer and settle up a thousand small issues. When I find the time I also have to finish up my Road Trip video and spend as much time with Zeke the Puppy while I'm back.

Instead of a proper post, I'll give you a youtube clip in honor of 420 for Dr. Pauly, Change100 and all others who indulge. Tenacious D and Marijuanaville. Cheers.

RSS readers can click here.

Charity Poker

2009-04-17T10:25:00.005-05:00

Yeah, I also forgot to mention yesterday that keeping up the numbers on BBT4 has been a real treat each morning also. I get the work done and completely forget about it. For anyone who didn't notice, I have all the leaderboards linked up over on the right.

I'm getting things ready to move out to Vegas for the 2009 WSoP to cover the series for FTP and Poker From the Rail. I have no idea what to expect or what plans to really make, probably not the best time to be winging. Who wants to split rent on a two bedroom job in Vegas from June and July?

I'm also making my plans to finally get back south to my new homeland in Key West next week. Right when it finally starts warming up here. I just need to get back to relaxing and my friends down there who don't mind me being me.

Maybe I can finally find the time to complete my video from the Road Trip.

Tomorrow is a big fun charity poker game. BigMike is doing a tournament benefiting Cystic Fibrosis in honor of his nephew. It should be a blast, I'm sure those who played in my charity game before the 2008 Bash can testify. The tournament will be in the same room with the same setup. If anyone is in the area and would like to play, drop me a comment as quick as you can since the tournament is Noon tomorrow. (Sushi buffet! and I've been assured that there will be enough Soco this time around). If you can't make it and would like to donate, you can find the info on the Michael Davis Foundation page.

Tournament: Michael Davis Foundation Poker Tournament
When: Saturday, April 18th. Registration starts at noon
Game: Super Deepstack NLHE with rebuys
Buyin: $40 buyin + $20 rebuy til first break + $20 addon
Where: You gotta get ahold of me to find that out.
Bonus: Sushi buffet, afternoon drinkage, Riverchaser players so practically free money.

How did I never see this video?

Now weekly update

2009-04-16T11:35:00.004-05:00

You'd think that making a trek back north to see the Phillies, friends and old folk would give me plenty of time to catch up on everything I let slip by while I was running around Duval St. making rent for various folks. But that doesn't seem to have happened over the last two weeks.

Helping a family member move, taxes, big projects, WSoP planning, taxes, parties and taxes mixed in with simply "coming home to see a few Phillies games" have sucked up my time. I've barely seen the inside of a bar since I got back and didn't even realize it until today. Marlboro investors must be losing their freaking mind. So this is what it's like to breathe fresh air? Who knew.

Saturday night was the big event during my return with BigMike having a little birthday shindig at a West Chester bar complete with old friends and new pigs. It was great see Terri (of "theBartender" fame) standing behind another empty bottle of Soco as she poured into my rocks glass. 10th on the famous list was Jimmy Pop from the Blood Hound Gang.

I don't think Landow realized he was there or we might have had an impromptu version of A Lapdance is so much better (when the stripper is cryin').

The college bar was crowded with girls who were working it too hard and idiots with their collars popped. I tried hitting on everything in a skirt with my usual fantastic results, waking up alone on my bedroom floor. It's good to see that bouncing back and forth has increased my chances at random female encounters.

Phillies game and back home

2009-04-09T14:50:00.003-05:00

After two weeks of forced sobriety thanks to having the plague, I hopped back on the horse and hit the ballpark with BigMike bright and early. The bar at the park opened at 11am and that seemed like a reasonable starting point. 12 hours later we were trying to figure out how we were getting home and BigMike was trashing a really bad cigar.

Not a bad way to start drinking again.

Below are some pics from yesterday as well as a picture from Key West that somehow got lost in the shuffle.

Also, the latest issue of Truckin' and a linkup to Dr. Pauly's new project. Lost Vegas

The first time I ever met Dr. Pauly, we sat in McFaddens at the ballpark, ate Cheesesteak nachos and drank SoCo.

The mass of people waiting to get in the third base gate. They chose to stand there like cattle instead of going into the bar for pre-gaming and looking at amazing women.

The 2008 World Series Champion banner. That's how high we were sitting. We were level with the flags.

The ring ceremony. Pat Burrell got the biggest ovation, Adam Eaton had some real balls showing up.

View from the left field ramp.

I am verboten from giving out her details, but the end justifies the means
(and THAT is the worst line I have ever written).

April 2009, Vol. 8, Issue 4

1. Brownstone by Paul McGuire
Nothing existed for her before 1944. She was very vague with that part of her life during the war in Europe. She left behind something so incredibly horrifying that she wanted to erase those connections to that past. The vastness of the Atlantic ocean was far enough distance for her to feel safe enough to establish roots and start over a new life in Brooklyn... More

2. An Essay . . . Or A White Paper To Depravity by May B. Yesno
I watched Sister for some period, observing the color ebb and flow through her throat and those portions of her face I could see, as she bent over the papers. I knew she was just from the showers and spending time with Mother, and could imagine the warm glow burning in her veins. My pulse sped slightly... More

3. Grassy Knoll by Milton T. Burton
Oswald's third shot came about a half second before mine did, but he missed. It was then that I realized what I'd been hearing wasn't no motorcycle. Those two shots coming that close together are what screwed up the investigation and caused all that damn fool crap about the echoes and the acoustics in Dealey Plaza. It was my shot that got him, though... More

4. Red No. 5 by Betty Underground
It had been close to 6 years since he had pulled that custom made emerald ring of the pocket of his jeans, picked the lint off it and woke me from the dead of sleep to ask me if I would promise to spend a big piece of forever with him. A non conventional proposal but they were the exact words I wanted to hear. Forever was something neither of us believed in, but we both knew that we wanted to look at each other's faces over the newspaper for a ton of Sundays... More

5. The Sandstorm Scholarships by Johnny Hughes
When Henry was eleven, his father wanted him to spend time with Jiggs Monroe, the 90-year-old former foreman of the Foster Ranch. Jiggs insisted on sitting outside the ranch house on folding chairs in a raging sandstorm. Henry's two older cousins fled to the house. Jiggs said, "You can judge a man by a sandstorm. We'd watch a young cowboy, and see how he acted. We'd see if he complained. You don't complain. You are tough."... More

Off to the Phillies Game

2009-04-07T22:02:00.003-05:00

It's been a crappy beginning of the season, it's god damn friggin' cold up here still in April, I haven't had a drink or smoke in nearly two weeks. But that won't stop me from going to the Phillies game to watch the team get their World Series Championship rings.

I think it's pretty damned cool that the Phillies are paying the bill to fly Pat Burrell down here from Boston for the afternoon ceremony.

By the time most of you read this I'll be elbow deep in Soco looking at the wonderful girls of McFadden's with BigMike.

Cheers

Body Shots at Cowboy Bills

2009-04-06T19:14:00.002-05:00

It's hard to believe that I've gone nearly two weeks without indulging in the least bit of alcohol and nicotine. I haven't seen anything near the inside of a bar and my limits have been certain small rooms containing either a bed or porcelain.

Friends are finally asking for proff that I'm actually alive.

Here's a video I grabbed just before the death watch started and my inspiration to get back down there as quickly as possible. I'm back north temporarily to catch the opening series of the Phillies season. Too god damn cold up here.

Enjoy a little video of body shots at Cowboy Bills.

RSS readers can click through here

Death

2009-04-01T10:04:00.002-05:00

must be close. I've never had a cold/flu/THE PLAGUE quite this bad in a long time. I'm too exhausted to eat, and certainly too exhausted to drink. I can't go out with a whimper, it was supposed to be a big splash.

I did find this new t-shirt. Hopefully I'll be alive enough to get up to Philly for some baseball.

Another timeout

2009-03-30T12:58:00.003-05:00

We're going to have a small pause here for a moment.

It seems I've contracted what Landow calls "The Key West Flu" which is generally caught by too many "britzkies" (that's motorboating to everyone else). I don't know how I got it since I haven't seen the inside of a strip club in two weeks but I'm going to post this then crawl right back in bed to heal myself.

Or until death knocks on my door.

Til then I'll get back to posting my trip reports.

~

BBT4 Leaderboard is updated. There are only two more events left before the March Player of the Month is awarded.

Some kind of BBT 4 update

2009-03-24T12:17:00.003-05:00

Taking a timeout from all the merry making to get some business done. The Battle of the Blogger Tournaments 4 is in full swing and I've barely mentioned my little baby. It certainly isn't easy getting up in the morning/afternoon/evening and going through the number to get the leaderboard updated on both sites.

I think I've played in the three events, and those without much attention. Even when I do decide to actually play, you find guys like birthday boy Sean, who called half his stack pre-flop with this hand. (I'll ship the $1 bad beat story penalty)

We have a week's worth of games left before determining the Player of the Month for March and awarding the first WSoP package of the challenge. Right now it's a ridiculous tight race between 123Will and Bone_Daddy84 but there are plenty of other players that can sneak right past both of them.

Tonight's Blogger Skillz game is good old fashioned LIMIT Hold'em. God bless. It's going to make me late getting out to the bar (or maybe play from the bar). 21:30ET tonight.

~

I've put up a few guest posts over on Poker From the Rail. One from PirateLawyer and a few from Julius_Goat. In case you don't know, the Goat offered up a durrrr-like Challenge to Michael Craig (he called the man a shaved ape!) and now they've responded. I think the picture is actually what Julius_Goat looks like.

~

Speaking of the FTP gig, I'll be seeing my poker friends during the WSoP. Most likely for the entire series, June through July. Waiting for the details, but if anyone wants to pass along any advice I'm all ears (and eyes for email).

~

Nearly 700 hits and counting. See everyone tonight.

One Month Gone

2009-03-23T22:45:00.003-05:00

It never occurred to me last Friday as I was throwing back drinks that it was exactly one month since I hopped in a car with BigMike for the first leg of my trip and move. In the last 4 weeks I've been to D.C., Charlotte, G-Vegas, Charlotte again (thank you 1 inch of snow), Raleigh, Clearwater, Gainesville, Fort Myers and now home sweet home.

I've got myself settled in and some kind of routine that sees me getting my work done with enough time to lose a boat load of money on the tables before going out to drink away the burning sensation. It's not always like that, sometimes I don't play before drinking.

I'm meeting an all new set of interesting characters, one of the main reasons I chose Key West as my new home-away-from-Vegas was the people. The food, drinks, girls and unbridled stupidity were the other reasons. They have good people down here and most of them enjoy a little libation just as much as I do.

Of course now that I'm in a routine I'll be picking up and heading north for a week to catch the Phillies opening day series to watch them get their World Series rings. Terrible sacrifices.

Twins riding the bull, just can't get enough of it

Key West Lighthouse

Tequila with coffee, two of my least favorite things

Bull Riding at Cowboy Bill's

2009-03-20T16:45:00.003-05:00

I've had a very interesting time the last few days that almost broke me. Instead of concentrating on any of that, I'll give you a peak at my guest judging gig for Cowboy Bill's bull riding contest. The video is embedded below, I would suggest hitting it up quickly before it gets banned.

For most of you the video is not safe for work.

Haylee and Lacey at Cowboy Bill's Key West

The twins before getting on the bull

RSS reader click through here

Hot girls on bull

2009-03-18T14:20:00.002-05:00

I know it was pretty cool when all the bloggers were down here and had fun at Cowboy Bill's. Bloggers on Bulls we called it as the prop betting and painful injuries mounted. Poor Drizz and his bruises.

Well tonight it will be a bit more fun than that. Tonight is their Sexy Bull Riding contest and yours truly will be a guest judge.

And there's a webcam for everyone to follow along. So here are your standing orders.

Play in the Mookie tournament at 10pm ET.
Listen to BuddyDank radio while playing in the Mookie.
Tune into Cowboy Bill's webcam between 11pm and 12 to critique my judging abilities.

Irene tells me tonight will be crazy.

Preparing for body shots with the good girls from Auburn

The churches around here don't get much action

Waiting on topless bull riders

Timmy pointed out Rider #1 to me and I bought her a shot..

..after which she introduced me to her newlywed husband

Road trip Day ??????

2009-03-17T02:12:00.004-05:00

Road trip Day ??? again

From Key West, FL

Words are so boring.

Road trip Day ???

2009-03-16T11:50:00.006-05:00

Day ???

from Key West, FL

Key West Express in Ft. Myers. 6am and waiting to leave for Key West.

A monstrous backup of posts that I need to get up but I'm having a heard time pulling the trigger. The second I set foot on this island I stopped thinking about doing anything except crushing as much booze as possible and making a fool of myself. Needless to say I made good on both threats.

I stepped off the Key West Express Friday afternoon with few concerns and mentally prepared. I would go crazy the first weekend and then settle in for the long haul. Vacation time is over and now I need to get back to taking care of shit. But that could wait until I set my liver function to stun. I had no set agenda, I called/texted a few friends that I was back in town then settled up my living arrangements. Once that was done there was nothing to do but put myself upon Duval Street and tear it up.

Irish Kevin's up first where I managed to make my way through the crowd without catching the attention of the chuckleheads on stage. Started off slowly with a few pints of Bass and only single shots of Soco. We were working up to 24 hours without food and no sense going amateur my first night. Then the Canadian girls show up and I'm knocking back carbombs at 5pm. It was their last night in Key West and I'm a friendly type. Might as well send them off with a world class hangover.

I finally realized I would need to eat something before the sun went down. I chose to go drinking instead of stocking the new place so eating at "home" was not an option. Angelina's across the street has always been one of my drunken favorites. I was in town for less than 3 hours and they gave me the local discount, I must have that desperate look already. A head full of booze and a belly full of pizza it was only natural that I would duck my head into the Red Garter. That would be the "dive" club to my old friends from up north and I know a few people who might be working. Nobody would notice a drunk fuck walking into the club in the middle of the day.

Except the entrance is now on Duval St, and it's not quite so dive-ish. The ratio was in the neighborhood of 20.5 girls to each guy. And I was the only guy, you do the math on the extra .5 females. I was quickly saved when a friend (who will remain nameless under this circumstance) sent me a text message that basically read "Poker game available. $1/$2 NLHE" and I had a seat if I wanted it. I had no idea whether I was in any condition to play but it got me from under 5 tons o' fun and out the door.

Cowboy Bill's, my new favorite bar in Key West when I was here the last time. Pretty cool if you consider that I can't stand country music even a little bit. But you can't beat the people in the bar.

Things at Bill's went sideways in a hurry. I was doing shots with Irene and the bartenders. The band was half looped before their 4th set and I actually remember dancing a little. Maybe a lot of dancing but I've gotten real good at blocking out the nastier parts of my nights. I can't tell you the number of people I was introduced to that evening/morning/mess but the next day there were a lot more people who knew my name than the other way around. I found some very interesting things in my pocket that night, most of which are legal, some are sketchy and the rest are phone numbers of people I'll never remember meeting.

I think I made plans to meet up with some people the next day at Sunset Pier.

All that happened on my very first day down here. Saturday is something we'll have to go over tomorrow. Til then I bring up some more pictures.

This will be my next ride down here. Cute little thing ain't it?

Frank the Tank with the "guard" puppy. I miss Zeke.

Irene, Ainslee and ??? at Cowboy Bill's. All the pictures I snapped that night and I couldn't get ONE decent one of these guys? I fail badly but have time to make up for it.

Some hillbilly named Kenny Chesney was playing Sloppy Joe's making it tough for me to get down the street. Apparently he's famous or something because Uncle Kracker was with him.

In all my years of coming to Key West, this is the first time I ever actually witnessed the sunset. I'm usually chatting up a chippy at the bar or taking care of a dancer's rent payment.

From the "no way I can make this shit up" file. Old guy sitting at Cowboy Bills. Dressed as some jailbird mime and does balloon animals on the street. Counting up his scrunched up $1 bills on the bar and drinking black russians.

Drinking with Timmy and Haylee at Cowboy Bill's. I love a bar that let's me pass along my good will in the form of liquid heaven. Irene described Haylee to me as "a betting girl, a pool shark, and a hustler." I love degenerates. We were prop betting all night Saturday and she crushed me.

Below is a video I threw together quickly as she won yet another bet. RSS readers can click though to get it here.

Timeout!

2009-03-10T10:45:00.003-05:00

The real world finally jumped up and made me pause in the merry making to get some things done. That's on top of the daily number crunching to get the BBT4 Leaderboard done each day with a sketchy internet connection and an environment that is not exactly poker friendly. I have just a few days before getting on the Key West Express for my final destination. I was informed that my timing gets me down there right around Spring Break so I will make sure the camera is fully charged at all times.

One of the things I'm working on is getting a good look and feel for the new Full Tilt Poker Academy which was just launched. I get to dig in deep and report back my thoughts. I was pretty geeked up when I heard this was coming down the pike. Jay Greenspan (author of Hunting Fish and part inspiration behind my current East Coast road trip) is doing the heavy lifting and the entire idea was the brain-child of blogger legend H-Double. Those two were enough to make me look forward to what was coming out. They even let DanM get his mitts in a little of it.

So in between ~~drinking~~ sitting at the Phillies game, I've spent my time looking through the different options in the Academy. It didn't stop me from going to the game and getting a first class sunburn, but I did abstain from alcohol consumption.

I'm saving that up for tomorrow. Feel the jealousy my old-time blogging friends. It's not too often I get to do something none of my long time blogger brethren have accomplished. Tomorrow I get to sit down and consume multiple beverages with blogging legend Mr. Decker. I will try to not kill myself before actually getting to Key West but I'm not making any promises.

Until I get back to writing, I bring you more pictures. Also listed is the newest volume of Truckin' from the good Doctor.

First shots in Gainesville with Gracie and Sweet Sweet Pablo

Ouija, my companion for the weekend

The Hammer, bad picture but worth posting

The purpose of this shirt was to tilt the granola-munching, tree-hugging poker players at the table. Pablo wore it instead of me.

Theo, the genetically inferior Wunder Puppy

I'm embarrassed. I didn't make it through the handle of SoCo

Truckin' - March 2009, Vol. 8, Issue 3

1. Lubbock's Own: Larry "the Laugher" Larson by Johnny Hughes
Large Mouth Maude Larson once beat a Hockley County man half to death at the Cotton Club with a bowling pin because she thought he stole her comb. Later, she found it in her purse, like all women do. She didn't feel a bit bad. The world-class bitch... More

2. A Good Beginning by Milton T. Burton
He bills himself as my best friend, but he's not. My best friend was a Kentucky farm boy who died in screaming agony in the Mekong Delta forty years earlier. But even aristocrats like to name-drop occasionally, and mine has been a good name to drop since not long after I came to the New York financial world out of a Cleveland blue color neighborhood by way of Vietnam decades ago... More

3. Happy Valentine's Day Tamara Johnson by Dave Peterson
I moved behind the door to investigate and possibly kill someone. I figured I was ready. The deadbolt lock was sprung with a soft – click. I heard keys jangling, a girl's voice laughing, and then the handle turned. I leveled the revolver and pulled the hammer back... More

4. Hunter Wellington by Betty Underground
Her comfort in her own skin surpasses societies modesty boundaries. It is just how she is. Most people come home from work and take off their shoes. She doesn't stop there, she takes off her pants and pulls her bra off through the sleeves of her t-shirt. Discarding them on the floor of the entrance. She prefers the freedom, and cares less about what others might think... More

5. Monroe by Paul McGuire
Monroe sat at the end of the bar on the last stool. He always did. He never left. The octogenarian arrived five minutes before O'Looney's opened and had to be carried out every night when one of his grandkids stopped by to pick him up... More

Road trip Day 6a

2009-03-06T18:37:00.002-05:00

Day 6a

From Greenville, SC

There are times when you need to make a decision and live with it. Just hopping it was the right decision. I wanted to get a head start on the G-Vegas portion of my trip and thought Wednesday would be the day. My biggest decision was transportation. My current method was hopping on different segments of Amtrak to get from one place to the other, unfortunately there is only one train from Charlotte to Greenville, SC. It departs at 2:45ish and gets into G-Vegas before 6am. That would require asking someone to be a saint and grab my hippy ass from the station or pray for a cab at that time of day. I chose another option, and horrid option, of putting my ass on a Greyhound bus. The timing was better and even I can survive a 2 hour stint with the truly unwashed masses (as opposed to the normal metaphorical unwashed).

Very bad choice. Awful. They oversold the seats on the bus, I was forced to sit in the very first row with a very very unhappy large African American women who stunk so bad of rotten flesh that I almost swore off meat. A poor old man was forced to travel the last 45 minutes standing up in the aisle because the bus driver would not let anyone give up their seat to him. For the record, I offered mine but not out of any noble sentiment. I would have ridden on the damned roof to get away from Mama BurntBacon. Then my cell phone died for the final time. Right when I was about to finally give up and get off at the next station I realized I wouldn't be able to let anyone know.

Otis was waiting for me to arrive and I couldn't get word to him about my suicidal/homicidal feelings.

I survived the longest two hours of my life and checked into my hotel room. 180 degree between the bus ride and my perfect hotel room with the perfect damned bed.

Otis set the stage for Day 6b after having a few beers and buying out an entire restaurant of their Soco supply (all three mini-bottles). "Wanna go see Motley Crue with the boys tonight? Here in Greenville? Well hell, who am I to turn down a night to drink and watch aging rock stars cruise around on their wee walkers?

Sidenote: The next day Otis picked me up from my wonderful one night stay at the Westin-Poinsett. If my plans had stayed the same, I would have been on the 6am train into G-Vegas that very morning. The very same train that hit and killed a man in Spartanburg, SC. I complained about a 2 hour horror bus ride but at least I wasn't on a train that killed someone.

Miles traveled: 645

Road trip Day 5

2009-03-06T18:29:00.002-05:00

After being off the grid for so long, I have a ton of posts to get out to get myself caught up. Plus Key West is right around the corner and who knows if I'll even remember to get this stuff done.

So hold on over the next few days. For those who only read during the work days, you have some Monday reading to get through.

Day 5

From Greenville, SC

After that long train ride from DC to Charlotte, Monday night was spent staring at the walls of my fleabag hotel and playing poker on the free wifi. Tit for tat. Tuesday I had plans to meet up with Falstaff et al for some Carolina eatin' and drinkin'. Someone reminded me that it was Mardi Gras. If I can't be in the Big Easy, I might as well make do with what's available in whatever town is hosting my liver.

All normal folks were working that afternoon but Falstaff pointed me in the direction of a place that would certainly show the Manchester United / InterMilan match. I thought the odds were slim in North Cackalacky but it was being shown on ESPN2 so surely I had a chance. He pointed me towards a place called Jillians, right off one of the stops of their new light rail system. In my mind Jillians was a smaller sports bar with a few TV's usually turned to ESPN. I didn't realize until later that it was one of Jillian chain establishments full of blinking beeping whirling crazy games that provide overpriced drinks and under flavored food. Also a national chain that politely told me in Minnesota that they no longer desired my drinking business. Fancy speak for saying I was 86'ed from the place. Praying to god it wasn't a national ban as I walked in the door. No sweat, beers and soccer.

I managed to cockup even the simplest directions to the place. Falstaff told me it would be right off the Bland St exit (perfect street name to place a Jillians), it would be a piece of cake to find. My mistake was pulling up mapquest first and not just winging it like usual. I exited the train and turned left, per Master Mapquest and his infinite wisdom. A mile or so down the road, a mere block from the next station on the light rail system, I decided to call the man and let him know I managed to get lost in a city of 2,000 people (my estimation). I walked all the way back to the train station again to restart the hunt when I saw something that made me curse over and over.

No hyperbole, no over-telling the tale. All I needed to do was turn my head 10, maybe 15 degrees to the right before heading down the track, I would have seen a big fraking sign AT THE STATION that said "Jillians". Idiot, I deserved that extra two miles of forced exercise.

I punished myself by ordering lukewarm beers and something called "meatball sliders" while watching NBA tonight instead of soccer.

Special K showed up with Mr. and Mrs. Falstaff to rescue me from grown up kiddie hell. The food option was settled with a little Carolina soul food, Mert's Heart and Soul. Fried chicken, short ribs, all things made of pig. Cornbread, okra, red beans and rice. And lots of sweet tea, more than my belly could hold. An excellent little restaurant that was as authentic as you can get in a place that sits in the shadow of Charlotte's tallest building.

The final stop of the evening was Dixie's Tavern. A bar that would make MeanGene very happy and gave me a little chuckle. It is a nice size bar, wonderful looking bar staff, decent enough crowd on a Tuesday, but covered from top to bottom in everything Steelers. I only gave props to the Penn State corner but black and gold everywhere else. I didn't hold that against them for the earlier reasons plus they were managing to deliver some proper rock over the speakers. Special K and Falstaff dropped down their first and only shot of the evening, a healthy sized dose by any measure.

They called it a night early but I wandered around town for a little while longer. I thought this might be my last chance to see the city. Oh shit was I wrong. That story comes later.

Miles Traveled: 545

Road trip, in the middle of nowhere

2009-03-06T10:34:00.001-05:00

I haven't been able to get anything in the way of posting over the last few days. I'm in the middle of FLA, after a ridiculous trip down here, and the best internet connection I have is via an ancient dial-up machine or I can lug my way over to the local church where they would likely frown if they got a decent look at my hard drive. That definitely eliminates anything resembling poker.

So when completely disconnected from the online world, what should a person do? While the old folks were running around doing there thing I decided that I would spend a nice sunny afternoon sitting in the grass watching your 2008 World Champion Philadelphia Phillies. I relaxed on the hill just over the fence in the outfield, took in some rays, watched Ryan Howard smoke a homerun into the tiki bar.

Tiki Bar? I didn't spend more then 4 innings sitting in the grass, instead choosing to watch the game from the comfort of a barstool. Apparently there are only two requirments to work at Frenchy's Tiki Bar, be good looking and have monstrous implants. I missed the pic of the girl working at the Landshark stand, they were bigger then my head but I did gather two others for you.

I'll be heading out later today for a trip to the Gracie and Pablo Poker Dome where I'll have actual access to the internet. Til then, more pictures.

Travel hell

2009-03-04T20:31:00.003-05:00

I thought I was overdoing it a little when I said I'd be off the grid for 24 hours. Seemed reasonable but I thought I'd be able to find some way online to check things here or there.

Nothing.

36 hours off the grid in a travel nightmare that almost had me pick any old stop halfway to Florida just to get off the train. My brain is completely fried. I did manage to write up about a week's worth of the trip but my time on the internets is short.

I did find time to crunch the BBT4 numbers from last night to get posted, even though the Mookie starts 90 minutes. I need to get it posted because mighty Hoyazo is sittting atop.

I'll update the links and other random on the Leaderboard tomorrow (possibly while sitting over the outfield wall watching a Phillies game).

Cheers

BBT4 Leaderboard

2009-03-03T06:18:00.001-05:00

I'll be off the grid for the next 24 hours travelling. Here's the first BBT4 Leaderboard. I know I'm missing a bunch of links, just remind me in comments.

Battle of the Blogger Tournaments 4 Leaderboard

More roadtrip pics

2009-03-01T23:20:00.002-05:00

I survived Mastodon Weekend in G-Vegas. I have no idea how I'm going to explain what exactly happened over the last few days. You probably wouldn't believe most of it. I'll get back to the writeups tomorrow while the Carolina's lock themselves down because 1 inch of snow hit the ground.

Enjoy the video at the end. Otis challenged my to a carbomb chugging rematch from the last Bash. I was much closer this time, only my pour execution led to my demise.

Snapped this picture just for Dr. Pauly.

Shep, rockstar and local G-Vegas legend.

Great poker game. Grabbed a pic of Otis, Lee Jones, and BadBlood.

I am the official photog of Guinness and Poker.
Only the second authorized pic of the Blogfather.

A group of degens descend upon a quiet G-Vegas bar. Mayhem ensues.

Click through to see the video.

Chris Rock...

2009-03-01T02:18:00.001-05:00

...was wrong.

Battle of the Blogger Tournaments 4

2009-02-27T13:57:00.004-05:00

Just a head's up while I'm busy destroying evil brain cells. BBT4 kicks off this Sunday with two tournaments. The Brit Blogger game at 16:00ET and the Blogger Big Game at 21:30ET. Both ends of the spectrum on one day. $5.50 and $75 buyins.

We've also updated the FTP page with the payouts to the top of the leaderboard at the end of the challenge.

See you there.

Tournament: Blogger Big Game
When: March 1st
Game: Superstack NLHE
Buyin: $69+6 or token
Password: donkey

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Every Sunday at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donkament

2009 Greenville Rickshaw Relay Race

2009-02-27T12:19:00.007-05:00

I'm just going to give up any pretense that I'll be posting at all while I'm in G-Vegas. Last night was the "calm before the storm" yet ended with the 2009 Greenville Rickshaw Relay Race.

Standing outside with Otis, there were 3 rickshaws waiting for a bunch of degenerates to find a way to bet on them. Team Otis / AlCantHang were victorious and took down the prop bet. 3 guys have sore legs this morning from two big runs around town.

RSS readers need to click through to see the video

Update: I hate google video, now posting to YouTube. Added video as well with Otis completing the first lap.

Road trip pictures

2009-02-26T10:45:00.004-05:00

Today's recaps are temporarily paused as I try to recover from my first night in G-Vegas. Otis and the boys threw me a curve ball and hit the Motley Crue show in town. Then I made friends with the local bar staff and sat there talking til the wee hours. Just pictures then I'm going to crawl back into the best bed I've ever slept in. Thank you Westin-Pointsett.

Charlotte, NC at daytime

Charlotte, NC at nighttime

Mert's Heart and Soul. Dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Falstaff and Special K

Dixie's Tavern in Charlotte. All this way to find Penn State fans.

Otis texts but never falls down

Motley Crue show in G-Vegas

Motley Crue show in G-Vegas part 2

Making new friends at the bar. Always fun.

Road trip Day 4

2009-02-24T23:48:00.001-05:00

Day 4

From somewhere between Washington DC, and Charlotte, NC

Travelin' day. I decided to pull up stakes and head further south. Charlotte to be specific. Sounds like Al's homemade porno, so far I've been in Virginia and Charlotte.

Nothing too exciting when riding for 9 hours on a train down into the bible belt, passengers come and they go but here I sit from start to finish. I'm becoming buddies with conductors / stewardessess / "where's you damn ticket" ladies. She even gives me that extra head's up when coming into a station that is an official Amtrak smoking stop. You can try the others but you damn better smoke quick. Thank you Amtrak also for the cafe car on this lovely train. Please fell free to suck on the $12 meal that consisted of a microwaved hotdog, 2oz bag of chips, dry blueberry muffin and a thimble of water. It hit the spot.

9 hours on a train isn't nearly brutal as a 9 hour flight. Easy enough to move around, not as crowded, the bathrooms are much larger if looking for the train-based version of the mile high club. Plus US fucking Air doesn't pull over halfway across the Atlantic to give a brother a smoke break. Downside is everyone douche in the world can talk on their cell phones the entire time, with charger. Did you know that you have to be careful about what you paint over because it could fall, 'cause paint has weight just like water? At least that's the conversation I heard for 2 hours, thank god he got off in Selma.

I ripped through three movies after the sun or train moved into position where my shirt wasn't glowing like the ass-end of king kong sized fire fly allowing me to see the laptop screen. I spent some reading and got a kick out of the redneck across the aisle reading ye old' Holy Bible. I thought that shit only happened when Dr. Pauly was doing his 5-lists. I gave him my polite nod and told him I'd be at Bob Jones University very soon. I didn't feel the need to tell him I planned to be shit-faced and have a black soul sister on my arm. Those Baptists have wicked aim.

The rest of the time I spent in quiet contemplation looking at my fat reflection in the train window trying to figure out how the hell I got from point A to point "oh shit". I'm also wondering how quickly I can find a Charlotte-based call girl via Craigslist once I'm in the hotel.

I'm a deep man, plenty of character here.

Hopefully there will be a Day 4a post where I talk how damn fired up I got with the locals, looking for southern girls who are impressed when I tell them I personally know Dr. Pauly and Otis.

Day 4a

From my fleabag hotel in Charlotte, NC

Nope.

Union Station, Washington, DC

Road trip Day 3

2009-02-24T13:11:00.000-05:00

Day 3

Crystal City, VA

Sunday was my day to check out the sites around DC and act like a tourist. That evening I could head out and play a little poker with the Garthmeister.

None of that happened. After slamming down some food at the Crystal City Sports Pub brunch buffet, I decided it was time to partake in some beer. That's where I started writing up the first two days of my trip and I probably drank more beer in that afternoon that I have the rest of this year. No probably about it. I had 4 beers in me before 1pm. I put the laptop away to watch one of the half dozen different games going. My choice was watching girlie man Cindy Crosby battle the Capitals with the locals in full voice. When in Rome.

Not a clue how many beers I had before walking myself back to the hotel room making the command decision that it was much too cold and raining to be walking around looking at old masonry. I plopped myself down in the hotel room to catch up on things around the webs and pull up a few poker tables. That's when I realized what day it was. Sunday. Major tournament Sunday where part of my job is to watch, witness and report. I searched around for anyone online to fill in at the last moment but it wasn't too happen. That would mean no poker with Garth and a very late morning before hitting the sack.

That didn't stop me from taking a nice little break to go out for drinks with some of my new found friends. I looped it up just enough that I wouldn't pass out waiting for the $750k to hit the final table but I had a very good time. They grow 'em nice down there in Virginia.

Day 3, the first alone, was nothing spectacular but I did get some time to wander the streets and enjoy myself. I did make a discovery later that night which probably saved me, BigMike, Daddy and Garth some bankroll and headaches on Saturday. On the block between Mackey's and the Sports Pub was a strip club that I walked past several times without realizing what it was. I might have spent my entire roll Friday night making me tuck my tail between my legs and heading back north.

Plenty of time for strip clubs later.